When I competed back in 2015, as soon as I hopped of stage all I could think about was my reward. “FOOD” I binge ate to another level to the point where I was full and still stuffing my face. There was points that I couldn’t move and was in so much pain from all the food that I had shoved down. After my diet being on point for months, working so hard, and literally pouring my heart into this competition, food was all I cared about. I gained 35lbs a week after my show. 35LBS!!! I hated looking at myself in mirror, I felt disgusted. I refused to look at myself in the mirror because every single time I did, I only put myself down with my words. I fell into depression, my clothes didn’t fit, I was in a really bad mental stage in my life. Drinking and eating more seemed to help ease the pain “TEMPORARILY”. We all know that, that doesn’t solve anything, if anything it just digs you in a bigger hole. It took me about a year and half to finally start losing the weight and believe me, it wasn’t easy. I had a really bad relationship with food and myself. After my last show I decided I wasn’t going to compete this year and who knows if I ever will. I feel that a lot of women deal with these hardships and it’s not being talked about. Everyone is constantly promoting abs, diets and what not, but the true reality to it, is so much more goes on behind closed doors. Being show ready or shredded year around isn’t healthy point blank. My hormones were all over the place from my last prep and I knew my body needed a break.
Here I am looking at this video feeling myself and seeing how confident I looked in a bikini. I’m not as tiny but my confidence and mindset has changed so much since to the point where I feel just as good about myself without harming my body. My food consists of healthy choices for the most part, but when I want something I eat it. I will not deprive myself and I’ve learned that food isn’t the enemy. Maintaining a healthy balanced lifestyle goes a long way. Self love is so important and I don’t think a lot of people realize that. When you truly love yourself and understand the meaning to it, things automatically change. (KEEPING READING BELOW!!)