I’ve been in a dark place lately and for the first time - I am allowing myself to be in the darkness, embrace the darkness, and dare I even say it - fall in love with the darkness. Let me try to explain. Depression has a way of kicking you down into the shadows and once you’re there you have no choice but to get to know yourself more seriously. Because there is no one else in this darkness, it’s YOUR own darkness. And yes I understand, we have our support systems and yes I know we are never alone in our suffering and yes I am grateful for all of this. But none of that exists here in the darkness. The light that comes from our loved ones and community are embers that eventually fade back into nothing because we are unable to tend to our fire in this dark place. And that’s okay. Because I think that’s all we need when we are in this dark place. Just sparks of light to remind us that it’s not a completely dark place, that the light still does exist, and one day we will be able to create it on our own again. The reason why I say I’m falling in love with this gloom is because it’s a part of myself I have never allowed myself to love. I have denied myself of feeling anger, sadness, hate, depression, etc etc etc. And in my own personal journey, I’m coming to realize that it’s absolute bullshit to think you can learn, grow, and expand without visiting this dark place from time to time. So here I am, stopping by to learn from this shadow side of me - not sure how long I’ll be visiting but in the meantime I appreciate your embers.