I'm feeling absolutely miserable today so here is a photo of the chunkiest little monkey ever 😍 😭 😩 🙈 ❤ I spoke in yesterday's podcast about my back pain and how suffering from back problems my whole life turned out to be my biggest blessing. It brought me to yoga, taught me to listen to my body and to be mindful in my practice... I shared how I can look back and see how the pain has been purposeful. I even included that in the podcast description "my back pain has been my biggest blessing!" - well, fuck me. Blessings abound. I woke up in the middle of the night and something literally snapped in my spine without me even moving. Im in so much pain I can't move. Can't turn my head. Can't hold the baby. Whatever the universe is trying to tell me right now I'm clearly not getting it.
For as long as I can remember I've had back pain - I have scoliosis from an elevated hip and suffered from intense lower back pain in my early teens. I had a bad car accident at 16 where the car flipped over several times which made it worse and also gave me pain in my neck, and when I was 20 I had a white water rafting accident that compressed the vertebrae of my thoracic spine. All in all, my spine is a mess, but as long as I take care of my body I am fairly pain free. I practice yoga every day, get body work once a week (massage/acupuncture/chiro)... But since having the baby my back has gotten way worse. I think it's the combo of carrying her all the time and rounding my back when breastfeeding - I'm super mindful of my posture but it's impossible to feed your baby and not drop your head down; I gaze at her 24/7! Over the past few weeks my spine has been feeling stuck and nothing has made it feel better. I'm carrying baby all day long and I guess an hour of yoga in the morning just isn't enough to counter balance that. And last night I threw my back out while sleeping. Without even moving. That's never ever ever happened before. So yeah - blessings all around! Not being able to hold little moon is KILLING me. Sitting with this pain now (i.e. lying propped up on pillows trying not to cry) and breathing deeply wondering what the hell it is I'm supposed to be learning right now