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Xandria Ooi  Inspirations & perspectives ❤️ FB live chats 🗯: Weds, Thurs New video EVERY DAY 📽: facebook.com/xandriaooi 30 Day happiness program, click here👇🏼

http://www.xandriaooi.com/

Nobody can give us problems, just like how nobody can give us happiness. 🤔 It’s like how people can create the most perfect environment for us, yet whether or not we're actually happy depends on our perspective and reaction. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Similarly, people can only create challenges for us, and whether or not it becomes a problem depends entirely on how we handle it. 🤯

So whenever we have problems in life, it's not the challenge itself that's the problem. 👉🏼 Those are merely situations and circumstances. The problem is always our reaction. 🧐 If we don't SEE challenges as problems, then there's no problem at all.

The thing is, it's really hard for us to not pity ourselves, to not rage at the unfairness of life and to not blame people who have caused such difficulties for us. 😩😡 It's so easy to get caught up in what's happening to us externally, that it's hard to see that the pain and suffering that we experience is something we're causing OURSELVES internally. 😓 👉🏼 Stress, anger, expectations, resentment and suffering are all things that only we can cause ourselves.

This is one of the most important perspectives in life, because the moment we realise this - the moment we remember this in the time of great challenge - then it'll be much easier for us to calm down, to let go of all the negative emotions and to not let the situation turn into a problem. ✨

See, no matter how difficult it is, every challenge in our life STILL needs to be dealt with. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Whether or not we're dealing with it angrily or calmly, whether or not we're dealing with it with with stress or without stress, we still need to address it. 👀

So every time a difficult situation comes our way, we can choose to not see it as a problem, so that we can address it in a way that gives us the best chance to bring about our own peace of mind to be happy, always. ❤️
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Create your own happiness: www.xandriaooi.com #behappyalwaysxo

Can we avoid negative people? 😲

The answer is no, because we’ve all been negative, and we can’t avoid ourselves. 🤷🏻‍♀️ As with most unpleasant things life, we can’t avoid them happening. 👉🏼 When we avoid something, it doesn’t mean that it’s not still happening. It’s like wearing blinkers. 🏇 The only thing it does is that we never develop the skills to manage negativity. 😓 And when something happens, we won’t know how to deal with it positively.

The way we see negative people is also the way we see ourselves when we’re negative. If we think negative people are terrible, then chances are when we’re sad, down and depressed, we’ll be very hard on ourselves, and we won’t know how to rise above negativity. 😵😖 We often think, “Oh, but I’m positive, I’m never going to be negative like her.” 🙅🏻‍♀️🙅 And if that’s true, then other people’s negativity won’t affect us. ☀️ If we really are that positive, we won’t be complaining about negative people because they have little or no effect on our happiness.

We can learn to be a strong, positive and genuinely accepting person whose happiness is not dependent upon how other people are. 👍🏻🌞 We don’t make other people the problem, we understand that people are only a problem if we ourselves don’t know how to deal with challenges. ✅

When we’re able to develop the skills to rise above negativity, that’s when we can go through any storm and still find the peace of mind to be happy, always. ❤️
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Create your own happiness: www.xandriaooi.com #behappyalwaysxo #lovebonitomy #lbootd

Whether or not we think we have a choice in how our life turns out directly impacts how happy or unhappy we are. The best way to be in charge of our lives, is to eliminate the thought ‘I should’ and replace it with ‘I want to’. 🙌🏻
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This is because the emotion that comes from the word ‘should’ is always one of hopelessness and resentment, because ‘should’ always implies that we have no choice but to do something. 🤷🏻‍♀️
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There’s no such thing as ‘I should be loyal’, because the question is... why should you? 🤔When we WANT to be loyal, that’s when we won’t feel trapped in a relationship or feel stifled by commitment. 🙋🏻‍♀️
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When we do something as simple as change our vocabulary, from “I should” to “I want to”, our reality immediately changes. 👁️
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When we change “I should do a good job" to “I want to do a good job.”, we no longer feel helpless or depressed that we have no choice. 👉🏼 That’s because we’re not focusing on how little we’re paid or how we’re not really passionate about our work, we’re focused on being the best we can be, because that’s what we want. ✨
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When we want to try harder, we’re taking control of our own life. 🍀 When we think we should try harder, it’s a downward spiral because we don’t understand why despite us trying harder at our job, at our relationships… things don’t improve. 👎🏼
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This is because when we think we should do something, we keep putting in the actions that is ‘correct’, but our heart’s not in it. 🙍🏻‍♀️ That is why we can be making so many choices whilst thinking that we have no choice! 😓 That’s one of the reasons why we become negative and jaded about our future.
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Life is not about working towards some great future meaning, life is about finding the meaning in the moment. It is only when we take ownership of our every moment that we will never feel like we have no choice, because that’s when we make up our minds that we want drive our own future. 💫 Make it a choice to be happy, always. ♥️ www.xandriaooi.com

“Thank you.” 🙏 Thank you thank you thank you.
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That’s what I remember my late grandma saying the most. 💭 She would say "thank you" every time I saw her and I remember always asking her "Why are you thanking me? I didn't do anything!”. 🤷🏻‍♀️
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Now, looking back, I understand that she wasn’t thanking me for anything I DID, she said thank you so often because felt grateful for her family and her life, and she expressed it often. ✨🙏
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That's why my grandma’s life was always so rich. 🌄 She had so little money and worked herself to the bone supporting a family of 10 children, but she never once thought her life wasn't good. 👉🏼 She felt blessed.
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Out of all the lessons in life, this is one that I cherish the most. 💖 The lesson is that it truly doesn't seem to matter whether you have very little or have a lot - what matters is the gratitude you put upon it. 🙌🏻🌠
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Because you know, it doesn’t mean that when we have a lot, we’re happier. Because anything amazing very quickly becomes normal to us. 👉🏼 We get used to things and even people. There’s a honeymoon phase to everything we experience, especially relationships. 😕 The pleasure always dwindles. And then it becomes harder to be as happy as we once were. 🌿
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In a huge way, having a lot and having more does very LITTLE for our happiness. But something as simple as a “thank you” does so MUCH for our happiness. 🌞🍀 It’s not for the other person or the thing when we say thank you, it’s how gratitude helps us see normal things, and even old things, with new eyes. 👁️
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And this sort of appreciation is priceless. Gratitude makes people and things priceless, which makes our lives richer, better and happier. 💛🙏
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It’s a worthy goal to be someone who says “thank you” all the time, to things big and small, every single day. Because then, like my grandma, it’s very possible to be happy always. ♥️ www.xandriaooi.com #behappyalwaysxo
#sunwaypyramid #SPTudorChristmas

Change in itself isn’t hard. 🤔 It’s when we want positive change, for our lives to improve, that it’s difficult.
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I recently changed my phone, I’ve been using an iPhone for years, and I just bought a Google Pixel. ☎️ I wanted a better phone, one that doesn’t lag with every update and helps me with organising my life. It was a big step switching from the iOs to Android, but I WANTED the change, I was excited and was ready to learn how to navigate a different operating system. 👍🏼
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But boy, I underestimated how challenging it would be adjusting to a new phone. 🤯 There were so many times I would catch myself thinking, “Why isn’t this working like how it did on the iPhone?!!" 👉🏼 and then it struck me - I SAID I was ready for something new, something better, but all I kept doing was wishing that my new phone was more like my old one! 😳
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How many times in our lives where we’re in new relationships and new jobs, and then think, “Why doesn’t he do that for me like how my ex used to?” or “I could do that in my old office, why can’t I do it here?” 😩
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Sometimes, we WANT to improve our lives. We want to create change and we actually take the action to do it. 💪🏼 We might even have the right mindset and determination. But when change is actually happening… it can FEEL like it’s not a positive change, because we feel more unsure and more uncomfortable, like a fish out of water. 🐟💧
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But the thing is… the only way to improve our lives is to adjust our habits, and changing habits is one of the toughest things in the world to do, because we need to go against our instincts again and again. 🧟‍♀️ Positive change is difficult but it IS possible, because when we do something often enough, it forms into a new habit. 👌🏼 And one day, it becomes easy, it becomes our NEW instinct.
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When improvement is hard, don’t trick yourself into thinking that how things used to be was better. 👉🏼 Remember why you wanted the change, hang in there, don’t give up, and you WILL see the results you want to be happy, always! ❤️ www.xandriaooi.com #lovebonitomy #lbootd #strangersat47 #teampixel

The noise is not disturbing you, you are disturbing the noise. 🤔
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When we are irritated by people, it’s our instinct to immediately react. We want to stop it, avoid it or complain about it. 🤯 We get so easily disturbed by things and people!
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This is one of the main reasons why it’s so difficult for us to be happy. 😡 When we’re relaxed and on holiday, nothing can disturb us. ☺️🌞🧜 It is only when we are not at peace, that our mind is busy, stressed, chattering and anxious that we are easily disturbed by people and things. 😵 That’s when we think things shouldn’t be this way, and people shouldn’t be that way.
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Whenever we feel irritated and ask someone to change their behaviour, it is because we want them to adjust to us. And the question is, why do we expect them to adjust to us? Why not WE adjust to them? 🧘🏻‍♀️
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Adjusting is not losing or welcoming toxic people into your life. ✖️ Bruce Lee famously said, “Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves.” 💧
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One of the greatest skills and talents we can hone in life is not how to win an argument and not how to overcome people. 👉🏼 It’s how we can adjust to people and to any situation that presents itself to us. ✅
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There is no victory is wanting the world to bend to us. The only way to win in life is to be able to have a peace of mind regardless of what or who happens around us. ☀️🏆 The noise is not going to adjust to us. If that is our expectation, we’ll be forever unhappy. 😞
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When we can adjust to the noise, then it STOPS disturbing us. 🙌🏼 So here’s to adjusting, to being fluid like water, and be happy, always! ♥️
Create your own happiness: www.xandriaooi.com #behappyalwaysxo #lovebonitomy #lbootd #teampixel

Do you have days where you just don’t feel like getting out of bed? 😔
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Days where you’re not motivated to do anything and you don’t know why? 😟
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Days where your diet and exercise and happiness falls apart, and it’s frustrating because just a few weeks ago you were feeling great about yourself? 😓
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One of the hardest things in life to give oursleves, is acceptance. 🌱 It’s so hard to accept ourselves during the times where we feel that we should do better, but we just can’t. 👉🏻 We know what we want - we want to be positive, productive, successful and happy - and we put in so much effort to be that person that we can be so disappointed with ourselves when we’re just not feeling good.
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This is why when we are depressed or experience emotions or difficulties that are ‘not normal’, we try so hard to hide it from others. 🙅🏻‍♀️ We become like ducks, gliding smoothly on the surface for anyone who can see, but paddling furiously underneath, trying to keep afloat, trying to keep moving. 🦆
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When we do that, it’s not even about pretending to others that things are okay, we’re trying to convince ourselves that everything is okay. 🏃‍♀️
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This is where all of us have to know that accepting our negativity, sadness or depression is NOT giving up. 👉🏻 Giving acceptance to ourselves is giving kindness. ✨ It’s giving understanding. It’s not saying, “You ruined your own life because you stopped trying.”, it’s saying, “It’s okay, breath by breath, you can try again tomorrow.” 🌱🙏🏻
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All of us have experienced moments of deep sadness and negativity, we’ve had days where we feel down without any real reason why. 🙍🏻‍♀️ If we can be kind to ourselves during these moments, instead of being frustrated at ourselves, it’s already a step forward. 🙌🏻
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Life is not perfect. We are not perfect. The feeling of sadness and the feeling of happiness are part of life. Some days we have more of one, other days more of the other. ☀️🌦️
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When we can give ourselves permission to accept the bad days, the negative days and the depressed days… then we can truly appreciate being alive, no matter the circumstance, and be happy, always. ♥️ Create your own happiness: www.xandriaooi.com

Protect your energy! 🙅🏻‍♀️ Don’t let anyone kill your vibe! ☠️
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It’s not about protecting your vibe or your energy, because protection always implies that there’s an attack, that something is happening to us. 🤔
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The reality is that things are just happening, not to us or against us. 👉 If someone is negative and toxic, they’re not doing it to us, they’re just behaving in a way that is a reflection of their mental and emotional state. 👁️
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So instead of defending ourselves against something that isn’t even about us in the first place, we can focus on valuing ourselves enough to know not to let toxicity get to us. 💫 It’s taking responsibility for how we feel and how we’re affected.
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Because the moment we blame, we are putting our happiness and peace of mind in the hands of the other person. 😓 It means we’ve allowed it to get to us so much that it’s like they’re doing something bad towards us. 👉 The reality is that they are doing something we don’t agree with, period. Maybe what they’re doing is harmful, and it’s harming us. And because we value ourselves, we know to recognise toxicity in a way that we don’t perpetuate it. ❎
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When we complain about people’s negativity or when we allow ourselves to stay in a situation that is harming us, then we are not stopping the negativity but merely perpetuating it. 😕
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It’s not about protecting our vibe or our energy. It’s about valuing ourselves. Because the moment we value ourselves, we won’t feel like we need to continue a friendship that isn’t healthy for us, nor will we feel like we need to blame someone whom we think is taking advantage of us. ✨
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When we look within us, we’ll recognise that the reasons why we’re unable to detach ourselves from negativity and toxicity are all internal reasons - because we don’t like confrontations, because we want to be seen a nice person, because we need something that the person is giving, or maybe because complaining about it makes us feel good. 🙍🏻‍♀️
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Take responsibility for your happiness, not protect your happiness. There’s nothing to defend against because only you can decide to take the actions to be happy, always. ♥️ #behappyalwaysxo www.xandriaooi.com

As strange as it sounds, self-improvement is only possible when we fully love and accept ourselves. 👁
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Loving ourselves isn’t being narcissistic, it isn’t thinking that we’re perfect or excusing our flaws. That’s self-indulgence. 🤭
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Self-love is the ability to see all our flaws and weaknesses and STILL understand that we are enough. Loving ourselves allow us to improve on our weaknesses whilst REMOVING all that guilt, the shame and the feelings of inadequacy. 😔
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When we love ourselves, we love ALL of ourselves. 🍃 Including the mistakes, the insecurities, the bad days, the sadness, the imperfections… anything and everything.
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Don’t mistake your expectations of yourself as having standards. 🙅🏻‍♀️ When we have standards, we just strive to always be better. When we have expectations, we get upset with ourselves when things don’t work out. We get so disappointed and angry and frustrated that it becomes really hard to be happy. 😓
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What we don’t see is that what we think is ‘striving to be better’... is holding us back. 😰 We are holding ourselves back with expectations. And placing expectations on ourselves leads to self-loathing.
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It means that deep down inside, we feel like we’re not enough. We feel like we have to prove to ourselves that we are worthy. So without even being conscious of it, we look at the things we achieve as proof that we’re worthy. 👑
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This is why we can be very good at our work and be a confident person but not have a strong sense-of-self. Because our self-esteem comes from whether we believe that we are enough. 🙋🏻‍♀️
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We can be confident yet harsh on ourselves. Confident yet constantly compare ourselves to other people. Confident yet riddled with self-doubt, especially the minute we do something wrong. 😓
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We have to understand that self-loathing isn’t self-improvement. ✖️Only truly loving ourselves helps us to improve. ✔️ And most of all, how we treat ourselves is how we treat others. 👉🏼 If we cannot love ourselves, we won’t know what it means to love someone else. You need to love you, ALL of you, and that’s when it’s easier to be happy, always. ❤️
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Watch the video on ‘The Most Important Love’ on FB. 💋 www.xandriaooi.com

Is the law of attraction logic, or is it blind faith? 💫✨
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Some of us find it hard to believe in magic, faith, or anything that has to do with the universe giving us what we want. 😼 Because honestly, if we want a pot of gold badly, it’s not going to manifest, is it?
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So let’s have a look at logic. And that’s linked to a power that we can all understand, the power of the mind. 👁
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Think of what usually happens when you’re running late. 🏃🏻‍♀️ Have you noticed how everything seems to be working against you? 😩 It’s like every traffic light will be red! 🚗🚕🚙🚌 It’s not normally like that, but it’s always like that when you’re pressed for time! 😤😭
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Or is it that it IS normally like that, but you just happen to notice it on the day you’re late? 🤔
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Because when we look at the logic of it, we clearly know that the universe isn’t manipulating the lights and traffic to cause us grief. 🤷🏻‍♀️
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Which means that it is our mind that pays attention to certain things, and when we’re late, we naturally notice every single negative thing, not because it’s negative in nature but because we’re paying attention to the things that stresses us out. 😲
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In a single day, things occur around us like they always do and whether we think we’re a lucky or an unlucky person is incredibly dependent upon what our mind chooses to focus on. 👁
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You can be walking along the street and miss a $50 note lying on the floor, and someone else would notice even a small $1 on the floor . 💰👀
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This isn’t because one person has better eyesight than the other, it’s because one is more present and observant of the positive. 🤓
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We attract more of what we *pay attention* to because the universe is merely revealing to us what our mind chooses to see. 🍀
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If our perspective is such that nothing is impossible, then we’ll keep seeing the things that are HELPING us achieve our goals, instead of seeing all the obstacles. 👉🏼 They’re both there, it’s just what we choose to focus on. ☀️ So choose to pay attention to positivity and gratitude each day, and that’s the law of attraction. ✨🌿 Be happy, always. ❤️ www.xandriaooi.com #behappyalwaysxo #timberlandmy #moderntrail

Give me a fish and I’ll eat for a meal. 🤗 Teach me to fish and I’ll eat for a lifetime. 🎣🍽
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But that’s actually not true. Because when people teach us how to fish, we know all the ways of how a fish is caught, but what allows us to eat for a lifetime is being able to actually catch fish. 🙌🏻
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So when it comes to our happiness, we’re aware enough to know that we can’t depend on people to give us our happiness, just like how it’s not feasible to depend on people to catch fish for us all the time. 🤔
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Yet knowing this doesn’t exactly mean that we CAN create our own happiness. We may feel inspired when we watch a video or read something and that can really lift us up, but where the change really happens, where the fish really gets caught, is in the doing. 🏃🏻‍♀️
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This is why we can go to churches and temples, we can study with the greatest spiritual gurus and use all the right terms for growth happiness and yet still feel like we’re not completely fulfilled. 😓
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The truth is that studying is not the same as learning. 👉🏼 Studying is theory. To actually learn something we have to do the work. ✨And we have to go through the frustrations of what seems like ‘nothing is happening’ and still keep going. Because learning is a process - you can do it everyday, and you don’t even catch one fish. 😫 You want to give up but you don’t. 🏃🏻‍♀️
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And what WILL DEFINITELY happen, is that one day, you’ll catch a fish. 🐟 And then two. 🐟🐟 And soon you’ll find yourself catching them so easily that you’re even teaching the people around you how to fish. 😄
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That’s how change happens. That’s how we improve our own lives, and by just being a happier and more positive person, we influence and enrich the lives of those around us, especially the people we love. ✨💫
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We can say, “Yeah, it’s easier said than done”, but don’t let that be your excuse, but your motivation to try even harder. 🏋🏻‍♀️ There is nothing we cannot learn if we try hard enough. ✔️Happiness is not just a feeling, happiness a skill, and like any other skill, it serves us for a lifetime. So learn to catch your own fish, and be happy, always. ❤️ www.xandriaooi.com

Happiness isn’t just a feeling, happiness is a skill. And like any other skill, it serves us for a lifetime. ✨
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I’ve spent the majority of this year working on building a 30 day happiness program, something that can be used in real life situations, not just theory and inspiration, because I think inspiration and motivation only gets us started, but it’s the actual doing that gets us to where we want to go.
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I have always been driven to be a better person because I wanted to be a better daughter, to be a more kind and patient person, someone I would be proud of.
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My main motivation was to have an amazing relationship with my mom, with my husband and my family. But what was stopping me was my natural-character, I was impatient, moody and even harsh at times. I realised that if I wanted to be a better person, I couldn’t just wait for it to happen, I had to DO something about it. And over the past few years, I’ve made an extreme conscious effort to be more aware of myself, to be able to rise above my negative emotions and to always be a positive and happy person (not just with friends and on good days, but with family even on bad days).
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I’ve created this program based on my experiences of how my life has changed. On the outside, I look like the same person, but on the inside and most important of all, with the people I love, I was a better person. I’m able to be a kinder person, a more patient person and that has helped me so much in all my relationships. I cannot be more grateful to be alive and to have the opportunity to grow, and I’ve put every effort into sharing what I’ve learned over the past few years into this program.
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I hope that this program and all its practices will serve you as they have helped me, and that you’ll enjoy every single day of the 30 Day journey. If you want to do it for yourself or encourage a friend or family member who you think will benefit from this, the link to the program is in my bio 👆🏼 Here’s to being able happy, always. ❤️ www.xandriaooi.com #behappyalwaysxo #BHA30

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