xandriaooi xandriaooi

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Xandria Ooi  #behappyalwaysxo ❤️ FB live chats 🗯: Weds, Thurs New video EVERY DAY 📽: facebook.com/xandriaooi ☀️ For my 30 day happiness program, click here 👇🏼

Confidence is not standing up to someone by yelling back when yelled at. It's not swearing at someone when someone swears at you. 🗣️🖕🏼
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Confidence is having the strength and maturity to not react negatively when there is a problem or situation at hand. 🤔 Standing up for ourselves does not mean being the bigger aggressor.
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Often times, we think that we cannot be the victim of a situation, and therefore we need to defend ourselves against someone's wrong opinions or actions. 😡
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Defending ourselves and standing our ground is great, but the way we do it determines how strong and confident we really are. 👉🏼 If we defend ourselves by making the other person the victim, by making them feel worse than how they made us feel, then all we've succeeded is being the bigger bully. 😰 That's not the mark of a confident person.
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The best way to stand up for ourselves when someone is being aggressive, is to be strategic about it. The best defense is not offense, but strategy. 🙌🏼
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When someone is spoiling for a fight, the best winning strategy is to NOT give it to them - you win cos you're not upset, and they win because they calm down. ✅
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When we're not upset, we are able to think better and work out a way to solve the problem at hand. 💭 When we're upset, we can't think and we escalate the situation. 🌪️
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Being calm in the face of a storm is not losing, it's being smart enough to strategise the best win. ☀️
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Don't just wear the cloak of someone confident, a confident person. Be strong from the inside, not just on the outside, and you'll work out a way to be happy, always. ♥️ #behappyalwaysxo #lovebonito #lbootd
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☀️ My talk in Singapore on the 5th of May is open for registration now, more info on my stories! 🇸🇬

When we think of a nice person, we think of a selfless, giving, helpful, friendly person. 🤗 A nice person is someone who thinks of people, does things for people and says YES to people.
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That’s a tall order, and probably the reason why so many of us are afraid to be too nice. 😬 Because sometimes we don’t want to help. Sometimes, we don’t feel like talking to people. Sometimes, we don’t want to say "yes". 🤷🏻‍♀️
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But here’s the thing - being nice is not about pleasing people. You can say "yes' to everyone and still be a not nice person. 🤔
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Being nice has a lot to do with our internal dialogue and our worldview. 👉🏼 If we see the world as a place where people are out to cheat us, if we see the workplace as a competitive environment where only the strongest can survive, then that will manifest in a behaviour that is suspicious and manipulativetowards other people, and that’s not nice. 🌪
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If we see the world as a place of opportunities, if we see the workplace as an environment for us to learn and grow, that other people’s ideas and achievements are an inspiration not a competition, then it will manifest in a behaviour that is open, positive and supportive towards other people, and that’s nice. 🌞
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Being a nice person doesn’t mean we don’t have boundaries based on our personal preferences, or that we’re not careful around people who are out take credit for our work.
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Being a nice person doesn’t mean we have to be everyone’s friend, or that we have to buy everyone gifts when we go on a holiday.
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At work, being nice is not partaking in gossips or taking pleasure in putting people down. 👍🏻
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Being nice is being able to disagree with someone without taking out our frustration on them. 👌🏼 It's about not blaming people but working together to solve problems. It's about giving credit to the whole team instead of taking it for ourselves. ✔️
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Being nice is more about respect and consideration for people, than it is our ability to laugh and joke with them. 🙌🏻 People who are nice will continue to be nice even if people are not nice back, and can truly be happy, always. ♥️
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** I loved meeting you guys who came to the talk in KL yesterday!! Pics on FB! 💛

“When I let people in, they hurt me.” 🙅🏻‍♀️
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That is a false statement, because whether the walls we build to protect ourselves are high or low, we cannot escape hurt. 👉🏼 Hurt is part of being alive. 🍃
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Walls don't protect us, they only keep the light out. When you have walls, you'll miss out on great opportunities - whether it's work, friendships or relationships with people. 😓
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When you live openly, you’ll radiate joy, and that kind of brightness draws more joy in. ☀️ The universe has a way of aligning us with people, things and situations that match the energy we put out. 🌇
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When you are happy from within, you’ll carry this glow with you. ✨ When you are not happy, nobody will be able to see or appreciate that glow.
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We will continue to face problems throughout our life, we may get our heart broken and be incredibly hurt, but don’t for one second let any of that rob you of your openness and appreciation towards life. 🙌🏻
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It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to feel down. Don’t beat yourself up over it. 👉🏼 Just remember to always focus on your own growth by living your best life, and you'll see how many amazing human beings you'll meet along the way because you are open. 🎶👣
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Even though we cannot escape hurt in life, we can rest with the assurance that we can learn from our experiences and carry our common sense with us. 👌🏻
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Don’t let negative experiences stop you from being the bright, joyful person that you are. 🙆🏻‍♀️ Live openly and without fear, even when you're had bad experiences... It's the best form of ‘revenge’, because we’re doing it for ourselves to be happy, always. ♥️ #behappyalwaysxo
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I'm giving a talk this Saturday in KL on what we can do to be open and how it helps us in so many aspects of life especially in our relationships. Details on my FB! facebook.com/xandriaooi 💛

So many of us worry about not being good enough. 🙍🏻‍♀️ Yet so many of us don’t really worry about being better. 🤔
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There is a difference between the two: when we worry about not being good enough - not smart enough, nor pretty enough - we are comparing ourselves to people. 😅
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When we’re focusing on being better - we’re comparing ourselves… with us. 🙆🏻‍♀️
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When we worry about not being good enough, we feel all this pressure to be perfect and it stresses us out, makes us less confident. 🍂
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When we’re focusing on being better, there’s no pressure to be perfect because you know your standards aren’t measured by perfection but progress. 🙌🏼
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Role models are amazing, they inspire us in the way they live, the way they look or what they’ve achieved. 👉🏼 But it’s completely possible to have admiration without envy.
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Admiration is looking at someone and thinking “I want to be like that. I can be like that.”. ✨
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Envy, is looking at someone and thinking, “He or she is too awesome, I can never be like that.” 😔
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One gives you hope, and the other is you battering your own confidence.
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Envy leads to jealousy, which in a way is a self-fulfilling prophecy of what you think you can never be. 😓 But admiration leads to action, with you taking control of the fact that your life is up to you to shape. 🙌🏼
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It’s knowing that you can emulate the traits of the people you admire, but you don’t need to BE that person. Because you’re you, and as cheesy as it sounds... you are unique. 🌿☀️
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There will always be people better than we are, more privileged we are or have better circumstances than us just like there will always be people who are worse off than we are, are less privileged and have worse circumstances. 💯
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Don’t envy people, because it only makes us a victim of circumstance. 👉 Admire people because it empowers us to be whoever we want to be despite our circumstance. Choose the path that makes you feel most grateful, and be happy, always. ♥️
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How to work on being the best version of yourself: www.xandriaooi.com ✨ #behappyalwaysxo

Relationships - romantic or family - can be difficult even when there is so much love. 👉🏼 How do you resolve problems without arguing and communicate in a way that brings about positive results? ✨
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Join me on Saturday, 14th April at @strangersat47 in KUALA LUMPUR 🇲🇾 as I take you through how we can build the relationships we want; practices that I use in my own relationships! ❤️
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Seats are limited and on a first-come-first-served basis - register now and book your seat by emailing Susan at ooi.susan@gmail.com with the subject line #BHAinKualaLumpur ☀️
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Refreshments by @strangersat47 will be provided. ✌🏼 Looking forward to seeing you in person! XO #behappyalwaysxo #BHA30

Have you found your passion? ✨ Or are you worried that you don't really know what your passion is?
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There's a lot of emphasis on passion; on waking up everyday doing what we love. The question is, why is passion so important?
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Passion is a big factor only because it is one of the biggest drivers of discipline. 👉🏼 It's important to note that passion is just an emotion. Passion is nothing without action. 🤷🏻‍♀️ We can have a truckload of passion justsitting at home everyday. Passion produces no results and have very little effect without action.
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But here's the thing, if you don't know what your passion is yet, or if you're unable to pursue your passion yet, then just focus on being disciplined in everything that you do. 👌
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Don't choose to only give your best to the things you feel passionate about. Because then passion will only just be an excuse for being lackluster, for being ho-hum, for being lazy. 😅
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“Oh I’m actually really awesome, I just have to be find what I’m passionate about.” 👉🏼 So what, until then, are you just... not awesome? 🤔
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Ideally, we want to be passionate about what we do for work, because work fills up such a big part of our lives. But work is still only a subset of life, which means that it's more important to be passionate about LIFE than it is to be passionate about work. 🙌🏼
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Even if we're not very passionate about something, we can still have the mindset that we are still going to be a passionate PERSON. 🙆🏻‍♀️
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You have to attract what you want in your life, so if you want to be doing something you’re passionate about, then don’t go about everyday being dispassionate and disinterested. ⛈️
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Be energetic, be interested, be disciplined, do your work very well even if it’s not work that you loveeeee, because I guarantee you that if you have this attitude, you'll find something that you love doing. ... Or it'll find you.☀️ Happy people attract great things, so be happy, always. ❤️
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How to find joy doing even the most routine work: www.xandriaooi.com ✨ #behappyalwaysxo
#thomsssabomy 📸 @marissavoo

Have you ever argued so passionately with someone to the point where you have no idea what you were actually arguing about in the first place? 🤦🏻‍♀️
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Every argument starts off as a conversation and somewhere along the way our sensitivities, defensiveness and lack of patience causes us to not listen. 🗣️👂
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Everybody wants to be listened to, so we start to talk over one another and we already have a rebuttal at hand before the other person finishes their sentence. 🤫
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Most of us have the intention to listen and we don’t actually like interrupting. But then, we also feel like if we don’t respond immediately and say the things on our mind right now, we might forget later! 😬😅
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But what’s the worst thing that can happen if we forget all our points? We’d have new thoughts… and perhaps even more rational thoughts because we’re calmer. 🤔
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In any argument, we usually feel like we’re right. But how can that be when we’re contributing to the argument? 👉🏼 The most simple and basic truth is that nobody can argue on their own.
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When we’re arguing with someone we love, it’s so easy to forget that we’re on the same team with the same objective, which is to have a great relationship. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Not a great relationship on MY terms, and not a great relationship on YOUR terms, but just working together towards a great relationship.
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The main reason why the problems in our relationship don’t get solved is because we have become each other’s problem. 😔
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When you’re in a relationship, it’s important to remember that it’s you two versus the problem, not you versus him, or you versus her. ✨
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In any argument, it’s not about giving in. It’s not about sacrifices. Taking the relationship to a good place is about patience and a genuine desire to understand. It’s not about you, it’s not about me, but about how we can help the relationship, and be happy, always. ❤️
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How to communicate for a great relationship: www.xandriaooi.com #behappyalwaysxo #lovebonitomy #lbootd #thomassabomy

Why is it that we get so upset by other people’s actions, behaviours and attitude? 🤷🏻‍♀️
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As human beings, we have a tendency to not like in others what we ourselves fear of becoming. 🤔
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What angers us in another person is because they are reminding us of an aspect of ourselves that we don't like - or would even admit - is there. 👁️
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And when people exhibit the traits that we have worked so hard to improve on, it’s like they’re holding up a mirror that reflects our own weaknesses and issues back at us. 🌿
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For example, if we’ve been working hard on being a kind person and we’re proud that we’ve often managed to put aside our selfishness for the greater good, we might judge people who we think are behaving selfishly or unkindly. 👿
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This is the basis of where all judgements stem from. 👉🏼 We hold ourselves in higher regard than people who exhibit behaviours and values that are different from ours, but truly, we only react so strongly because they represent a part of ourselves that we try so hard not to be. 😬
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It is always this need to validate how good a person we ourselvss are hat leads us to measure, compare and judge people. 👉🏼 Being upset at someone who has different values is not an indication of how much better we are. ✖️
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It's so much better to see people for who they are without letting their flaws remind us of our own flaws and shortcomings. 🍂 -
Confidence isn't about having better values than others. It's being able to interact with people without judgement and the ability to be happy, always. ❤️
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How to develop a healthy self-esteem: www.xandriaooi.com ✨ #behappyalwaysxo #thomsssabomy
#thomassabo #generationcc

There’s a famous saying, “Hire character, train skill.” 🤔
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It rings true in so many ways, but it can be easy to mistake someone’s personality for their character. 👉🏼 When someone is enthusiastic, good-natured and seems motivated, it’s indicative of their personality,  not their character.
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Some people appear very willing to learn - they nod their heads, agree with everything and is always gung-ho during meetings. By all intents and purposes, they should be performing brilliantly at work, but they end up producing rather poor results. 😨
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This is because a person can be extremely likeable because of their personality, but they can be ineffective as a colleague or in a team because they lack the strength of character to build up their skills at work. 📂
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Great character is normally defined as a willingness to learn. The problem is that it’s easy to mistake someone’s enthusiasm as a willingness to learn. A person’s character is not just determined by their enthusiasm or interest, it’s determined by their effectiveness. 👌🏼
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For example, if you need a barista for your restaurant and you decide to hire someone who doesn’t know how to make coffee but appears willing to learn, you can quickly tell if they are indeed of that character. ⌛
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Someone who is truly willing to learn will to be able to pick up the skills fairly quickly. 👉🏼 This is because they can see that if a barista practices for 4 hours a day, they might have to put in 8 hours just so their skills can be at that same level. 🙌🏻
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When someone is passionate about something, they spend their free timetrying to improve their skills in that area. 🙆🏻‍♀️ They’re constantly experimenting and learning even outside of work.
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Building a great personality and great character is equally important. ✅ It is when we are aware of how we can grow in both areas… that we can really stand out wherever we are, and we can go to work and be happy, always. ♥️
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Build the personality and character to grow as a person: www.xandriaooi.com ✨ #behappyalwaysxo #throwback #kyoto

Why is love so fleeting? 💛 How is it that someone can show you so much care and genuine affection, but distance themselves away the next moment?
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How is it that someone can tell you they love you, yet discard you for the next person as if you were rubbish? 😟
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When someone doesn’t know how to love us, it’s because they need something that we cannot give. And we can’t ever give people what they need because everyone can only fill their own gaps in life.
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We cannot make someone love us. And it hurts when we’ve given so much of ourselves yet it’s still not enough for the person. 👉🏼 When we’re ‘not enough for the person’, it’s not because we’re not enough AS a person. We have to know the difference between the two. 👁️
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So many of us believe that love is when someone needs us, and we take almost a personal pride to being able to make someone happy. 🤔 It feels good to be that person who can be ‘enough’ to make someone happy, but that’s not possible. 👉🏼 We can only bring joy to someone’s life, we cannot create joy FOR them. 🙇🏻‍♀️
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Love is not about how much someone needs us, because when someone NEEDS us, it’s not really love, it’s a compliment to our ego. 🤷🏻‍♀️😓
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If we equate love with how much someone can’t live without us, then we will feel extremely destroyed and rejected when they can live without us. 💔
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We cannot be someone’s happiness. We cannot be someone’s light. The most we can do, is bring our own happiness and light wherever we go. Love doesn’t make us happy, love accepts who we are and helps us find our own way to be happy... always. ♥️
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How to develop the love and relationship you want: www.xandriaooi.com ✨ #behappyalwaysxo

No one is obliged to us, not even the people who love us. 🌿 That’s a very difficult concept to embrace, because we human beings make promises to each other.
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I promise to cherish you.
I promise to love you.
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It's easy to see the people in our lives not merely as another human being but as someone with responsibilities and obligations to us. 👉🏼 Because they promised to love us, it’s almost like they’ve taken on a job, a job to protect us, to give to us, to serve us.
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Family and friends - We may be bonded by blood and by promise, but each individual is here to learn something, and sometimes our lessons take us down a road different from what anyone would hope for us to take. 🍂
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When people break their promises, it’s unfair. Yet these promises are made by human beings, and we all have our weaknesses and flaws that we need to face and work on in this lifetime. 🌦️
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Sometimes, in the nature of our relationship with someone, it’s easy to forget that the person is an individual human being and that whatever mistakes they commit, whatever hurt they’ve inflicted, is part of what they need to experience in their own life journey. 👁️
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It doesn’t excuse people from their responsibilities, and it doesn’t erase the damage they’ve caused by breaking their promises; but it helps to understand that no matter what human beings promise to each other, no matter the nature of our relationship, we are still different entities who happen to cross paths in this lifetime. 👣
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Understanding that no one is obliged to us does not mean there is no value in promises. It means there is MUCH more value in a promise, because when people keep their promises, it means they want to, that they are strong and resilient in their own life journey to be able to treat us the way we wish to be treated, and we are lucky to be able experience it. 🙏🏻
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We can only hope, but not expect, that others are able fulfil the promises they make. So that no matter where their life journey takes them, we can still take responsibility for our own life, and be happy, always. ❤️
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How to build the relationships we want with the people we love: www.xandriaooi.com ✨ #behappyalwaysxo #lbootd #lovebonito

Self-doubt and self-criticism is not necessary in our journey to be a better person. 🙅🏻‍♀️ We all have flaws that can be constantly worked on, but at the same time, we also can completely and fully accept ourselves. 🔆
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Accepting ourselves does not mean being oblivious and ignorant to what we can improve on, that we can just be the way we are for the rest of our lives. In fact, it’s the opposite. 👉🏼 We can ONLY accept ourselves if we are able to look at all our flaws and weakness and to truly acknowledge our insecurities and fears. 👁️
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Acceptance is the act of seeing who we are, imperfections and all, without judgement and blame. 🖐🏼 Acceptance is the ability to acknowledge we can be better, that we’ve made mistakes, without feeling bad, or guilty, or lacking. ✅
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If we have a tendency to blame ourselves because we know we can be better, it means that we’re punishing ourselves. This is when it gets HARDER to improve as a person because self-preservation kicks in anytime there’s punishment or guilt involved. 👉🏼 We become defensive against our own desire to change for the better.
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Accepting ourselves is loving ourselves, and sometimes we’re afraid to love ourselves for fear of being too arrogant. 😮😓 The important thing is to examine what our definition of love of is - is love gentle, kind and encouraging; or is love bias, blind and critical? 🌿
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Loving yourself is like loving your child - you can see that your child is imperfect - that they have room to grow - yet you are gentle and kind when you teach them to be better, and you encourage them to take responsibility without blaming themselves. 🙌🏼
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We cannot confuse reflection and self-awareness with self-criticism. 👉🏼 There are many ways to grow as a person, so choose to do it with self-love instead of self-criticism. ☀️
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If we can accept ourselves, we’ll be reflective instead of defensive. That's how we can grow to be a better person whilst being able to happy, always. ❤️
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How to work on yourself without criticism or self-doubt: www.xandriaooi.com ✨#behappyalwaysxo

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