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Xandria Ooi  Bite-sized inspirations & perspective ❤️ Host, Speaker 📍 KL FB live chats 🗯: Tues, Weds YouTube.com/xandriaooi New inspirational video EVERY DAY👇🏼

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The most important about building confidence, is to understand that we can not feel confident yet have a strong sense-of-self. 🙆🏻
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For example, if I were surrounded by math wizards, I might not feel very confident, but I don't have to feel like I'm a lesser person for not being as brilliant as these people. 😁
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If you're surrounded by people whom you think are smarter or better looking at you, you might not feel so confident, but if you have a strong sense-of-self, you‘ll still feel that you are worthwhile and worthy; and you'll believe that you will always have something to contribute. 🙌🏻
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TRUE confidence isn't about feeling good when compared to other people. 👉🏼 True confidence comes from a genuine and strong sense-of-self.
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So how do we build and strengthen a strong sense of self? ✨ Everything lies in the power of the mind. How we feel about ourselves depends on how we think about ourselves.
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So the first and easiest step to having a strong sense of self to truly believe that EVERYONE is equal. 👌🏻 The janitor and the CEO? Both are human beings. They are of equal worth and value. We treat them both with the same respect and courtesy.
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This is important because when we are of the belief and mindset that not one person is better than the other, then we will feel like WE too are of equal value to another fellow human being regardless of status, intelligence or how they look.
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If we don't believe in our own worth, then it indicates that we are judgmental of other people, because it means we don't truly believe that all humans are equal. 🤔 And don't forget that it works both ways too. If we believe everyone is equal, then we'd believe that we are also no better than the next person and we will never behave in an arrogant manner.
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So instead of trying to feel confident, just work on always having the mindset that everyone is equal. Because if everyone is equal, then so are YOU. 🙋🏻
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Here's to building a strong sense of self And to being happy happy, always. ❤️
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Click on link in bio to watch ‘The First & Easiest Step To Being Confident’ 🔝💋 #behappyalways

Chill. 🌬Don't worry about it. 🏄🏻 Let go. 🙏🏼
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All three sounds easier said than done, but then everything in life worth having  is easier said than done. 🤔
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There’s nothing more worthwhile in this lifetime than our peace of mind, and if we're not able to let go of grudges, resentment, worries or anger, we are wasting away the precious seconds we have alive. ✨
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There is this misconception that choosing to be happy means we have to FORCE ourselves to be happy. 🙅🏻 That doesn't make sense because when we force something, it only makes us more resentful and more guilty. Letting go is the opposite of forcing - it is accepting. 🙌🏻
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There is no way to force reality to be different. Fighting against reality is unintelligent, because that's like pushing against a brick wall. 🐌
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Reality isn't going to change no matter how hard we push, reality isn’t going to change no matter how miserable we feel. ⛈ Accepting reality does not mean we have to be overjoyed at what has happened, but it means that we are no longer fighting against it. 👉🏼 It's looking at it and saying, okay, I accept this and I'm letting go. ☀️
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The question to always ask is, can we change the situation? If yes, then we change it. If no, then worrying, being angry or being unhappy is simply not very smart and just self-indulgent. 🙁
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This is why we can choose to be happy, instead of choosing to wallow in anger or self-pity. 👉🏼 Because in every situation, we only really have 2 choices in life - do I want to be happy, or do I want to be miserable? -
Don't choose to be miserable, unless being miserable is going to miraculously give you peace. 😯 We're not robots and will definitely be affected by negative emotions, but we can choose to not wallow in them. We get upset, and then we get over it. 🤗
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Live by the 5 by 5 rule: if it's not gonna matter in 5 years, don't spend more than 5 minutes being upset by it. 👌🏻
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Life is short. Don't waste any more of your precious seconds being upset. Choose to be smart, choose to be happy, always! ❤️
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Click on link in bio to watch 'Why Happiness Is The Intelligent Choice' 🔝💋 #behappyalways

Sometimes, people say the darnest things.
“You suck”, “I hate you”, “You’re ugly”, “You’re fat”, “You’re stupid”. 🙀 It happens in real life, and it happens on the internet. Here are 3 ways to stop letting negative comments affect us 🙅🏻:
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1. Words will never hurt us… if we don’t let it. ⛔️ Some people are genuinely considerate with their honesty and some are just unnecessarily brutal. 🗣 Whichever the manner criticism is delivered, it is OUR choice of whether it affects us negatively.
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If a comment is delivered with malice and snide, we can let it glide past us by focusing on the fact that the comment was not for us, it was for the person saying it, because they needed to say it to feel better about themselves. 👉🏼 It has nothing to do with us.
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2. Know the difference between a criticism and an opinion. 🤔 If someone random or an acquaintance says something about our character, it is not a criticism; it is an opinion. 💨 So the next time someone you don’t know makes sharp or brutal comments, it is their opinion and does not reflect on who you are. ✖️Everyone’s entitled to their opinions. It is only the opinion of people who care about us that matter. ✔️
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3. Don’t make something false the truth. 😼 If we think something is not the truth, then why react to it? 🤷🏻‍♀️ If we react to it, it means we are acknowledging it as the truth. 😬 When someone is being nasty, don’t feel offended or upset, because that would give the words power.
A criticism is just a string of words someone is saying to us and will only manifest as a criticism if we acknowledge it so. 🙌🏻
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One of the most important things to remember is this: never respond to harmful or toxic comments, no matter how tempting. 🔇 And don’t return hate with hate, because that reflects on us. 👁 Don’t acknowledge rude comments and they’ll have no power. 😌 People can hate, but we can be happy, always! ❤️
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Click on link in bio to watch 'How To Deal With Negative Comments'🔝💋 #behappyalways #zaramy

In last night's live chat on FB, my mom came on with me for the first time and I shared 5 lessons that she's taught (been telling!) me since I was a kid. I'll list them out here ✌🏻👇🏻
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1. Nothing is impossible. Say yes first, then work really hard to figure it out. 🙌🏻
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2. Don't be afraid to do more. Don't do less because you fear being taken advantage of. Whatever you do is to your own benefit. Nobody can ever take what we learn away from us. ✨
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3. Learn how to step on someone's shoes without messing up their shine. When you say something to people that may come across as a criticism, make sure to think of how to say it so that it doesn't injure their pride. 👞
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4. There are different ways of saying one thing, and a right time to say it. 🗯
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5. Sometimes, you have to lose the battle to win the war. 🏅In life, we have to be far-sighted enough to not react immediately when we're emotional, to not argue even when we know that the other person is wrong. 👉🏼 We have to look at the big picture to see what will help us achieve our overall objective, not just what gives us immediate satisfaction. 🙌🏻
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If you want to watch the video of the chat, click on link in bio! 🔝💋 #behappyalways #ytlhotels #cameronhighlandsresort #lovebonitomy #lbootd

What exactly, is the cause of our suffering? 🌪 Who exactly, is the cause of our pain? 😔
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When we look at any terrible, difficult or negative thing that has happened in our lives, the most surface thought is that it happened TO us. 😓 👉🏼 If that is the thought in our mind, we immediately become the victim in any situation. This one thought, “Something bad happened to me” or “Someone did something to me” renders us immediately powerless. 😰
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For example, when someone we love betrays us, it can feel very much like they did something terrible to us. That can be our belief. 👿🔪 Or, our belief could be they did something terrible, full stop. 👉🏼 The person didn’t do anything to us, they made a decision in their own life that has impacted us.
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People can only affect our lives through the hurt, problems and challenges they create, but they cannot make us less significant a human being. ✖️ Just because our partner decided to be with someone else, it doesn’t mean that they’ve discarded us. 🙅🏻
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We cannot see someone else’s actions as a defining factor of our sense-of-self. Don’t allow anyone to make you feel like garbage - change the thought in your head about what you believe happened - “something happened in my life but I am STILL the same person I was before this.” 🌞 When you change your belief towards any undesirable situation, you’re taking back the power you have over your own life. 🌿
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Situations don’t make us suffer- it is our thoughts towards the situation that causes us the suffering.
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Byron Katie, in her book 'Loving What Is', has 4 questions called 'The Work' that she encourages us to ask ourselves when we experience suffering. 🤔 The last question is one that is simple yet powerful:
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“Without this thought, who would I be?”
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People may create undesirable circumstances in our lives, but they cannot do anything TO us, because only WE have absolute power over what we believe is the truth about ourselves and our lives. 🙌🏻 When we change our thoughts, we’ll change our reality, and that will give us the peace of mind to be happy, always. ❤️
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Click on link in bio to watch 'You Can't Take My Happiness Away' 🔝💋 #ytlhotels #lovebonitomy #lbootd

If we have bills to pay, deadlines to meet, politics at work to navigate, mouths to feed, kids to bring up, elderly parents to take care of, we might feel really stressed out. 😰
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The strange thing about us humans, is that even if we don't have so many things going on in our life, even if we have just ONE challenge at any one time, we can still feel stressed. 😓
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The irony is that some of us might even think that being stressed is a sign of how hard we are working, that it's an indication of how much effort we're putting into something. 🤜🏻 Like if you're not stressed out, you're not working hard enough. You don't care enough. 👉🏼And that, is a 100% untrue. ✖️✖️
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We can be extremely productive without stressing. 🙌🏻 It is DRIVE that is a motivating factor for us to move from A to B. 👌🏻 Stress is just us standing at point A but wishing we're at B. 😤 Stress is wishing that our reality was different, that's why stress is such a frustrating emotion. 😫
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If you think about it, stress is an emotion very similar to anger - it causes us to react negatively - we get impatient, we ignore our health, we take it out the people whom we love and our quality of life goes down. 😢
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People can create problems for us and our situation can be difficult, but these are all external circumstances that we cannot control. Our emotions however, are up to us to dictate. Stress, like anger, is our choice to keep carrying, or to let go. 🍃
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It's never easy to let go of any emotion, but it's possible to let go of stress when we use our mind to consider what stress is doing for us, and what stress is taking away from us.
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The moment we answer these two questions, we’ll see that stress is doing nothing to help us achieve our goals, and is in fact taking away our ability to appreciation every moment alive. 🌧
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Even the simple things like eating, playing with your kids, hugging the people you love… you’re not able to enjoy them because stress has taken your attention away. 😔
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We can be very busy without feeling stressed, just like we can disagree with someone without feeling anger. Let go of the emotions that don't serve you, and be happy, always. ❤️ #lovebonitomy #lbootd

Deepak Chopra said, “Our thoughts shape our perceptions. Our perceptions share our reality.” 🌎
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Every one of us has a different reality. What truly separates one person from the other is not what she possesses, but what the thoughts in her head are. 👉🏼 This is why two people can undergo the same challenging situation and one person’s reality is filled with hope whilst the other’s reality is laced with hopelessness. 😔
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The way we think is essentially the manner in which our minds speak to us. 💬 This inner voice is one that is rarely heard by other people, it’s one that we ourselves may not even be aware of because it’s been there since we were kids. 👉🏼 But that voice is the sole contributor to how we see ourselves, and how we see ourselves affects how we see other people and how we see the world. 🔁
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It’s a domino effect that impacts our interactions and relationships, our work and our success, because ALL our actions and decisions are driven by the way we think about ourselves and the world. 🍃
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The voice in our heads needs to be reflective but not paranoid or critical. It needs to allow us to accept our own flaws yet not tell us to ignore them. It needs to let us feel proud of ourselves without letting the ego take over in its arrogance. ✨
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If we want to create positive change in our lives, we need to be aware of how we are phrasing our thoughts. Instead of diminishing ourselves, we can empower ourselves. 🙌🏻
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When we look at someone doing something amazing, instead of thinking: "I can never be that"... we change the thought to "That inspired me to be... " 😃
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Self reflection isn't "Am I not good enough?", it's asking yourself "In what ways can I be better?" 👍🏻
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Be aware of how you’ve been talking to ourself all these while, and if you feel that it diminishes you, just switch the way you think so that your thoughts empower you instead, and allow you to be happy, always. 🙏🏼❤️
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#P/S: Having some time to myself over breakfast really helps me set my intentions for the day and start the day off on a great note. ☀️ What are your favourite routines? X #NestleFitnessGranola #NestleFitnesseStarSquad #shapeproud #shapemalaysia #behappyalways

Time flies, and we wonder, where has the time gone? ⏳
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Instead of wondering what we've done so far, perhaps we can look at what we've experienced so far - have we been present enough to take in the days and weeks, as opposed to being so focused on work datelines that we don't quite notice the time passing? ⏱
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It's interesting when you think about it - how much of our time is spent on worry, on stress and simply on finishing a task to get onto the next one? 👨🏻‍💻 We can't possibly be alive for this very reason, can we? To go about our days being truly happy only once in awhile... not that we're unhappy, but it's just that we can get so caught up in whatever it is that consumes our mind that we kind of forget to soak in the moments and pure joy of being alive. ✨🍃
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It can be hard to be aware and grateful when we're caught up in the momentum of life, in the pursuit of goals. 🏃🏻Sometimes, we can fall into a place where we only see the imperfections of life, of all the pain and all the discontentment, especially when we experience heartbreak, or when we don't like the work we do. 😣😔
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When we look at the big picture, it's not about whether our work or love life is fulfilling, it's whether we are LIVING a fulfilling life. 💫 And everyone has a different definition of what fulfilment means.
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Gratitude seems to be an universal answer to happiness, because when you’re aware of what you’re grateful for, it can be hard to feel miserable even when you’re doing something you don't like. 🙏🏼 And the same goes for relationships - when we're grateful for our life, it's hard to remain miserable for long even when there's pain and heartache. 👋🏼💔
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For the rest of this year, here's to hoping that we're all able to live our days with less or no complaints, and to be present enough to take in all the joys of our days, no matter how small. Be happy, always. ❤️
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Click on link in bio to watch the video on 'The Time Of Our Lives' 🔝💋 #behappyalways #lovebonitomy #lbootd

How much do you care about your work, your reputation and your integrity? ✨
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In life, we don’t have to strive to be hardworking, we just have to strive to care. 🙌🏻Because It is only when we care about something that we’ll feel driven and motivated to put in the work needed to make it amazing.
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There are many aspects to caring - sometimes we care about the thing itself... we’re passionate about what we're doing. 🙆🏻 Sometimes we care about our own integrity, we want to make sure that anything we do is done well. 👌🏻 Sometimes we care about the money and we’ll perform well to keep our job. 💰
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If you don't care, you'll feel very pressured and stressed, like you have to work hard and you don't even know why, but you just feel you have to. 😓 It’s the main reason why people don’t feel happy going to work. 😫
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It’s important to find something in what you're doing to care about, not for your company or your boss, but for yourself, because it is only when we do something we care about that we are happy. 👉🏼 People who care very little should be very happy at work, but if you look at the care-factor-zero-people, they're usually very demotivated, bored and feel very unhappy. 😟 It is often the people who have a high care factor who are energised, motivated and happy. 😃
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This is because us human beings are the happiest when we are operating at our highest capacity and potential - when we feel that we're contributing, when we feel that we have a purpose, when we feel that we care. 💯
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If we're a broom, we want to be a broom that did so much that our bristles are all gone, as opposed to saying "I did so little, I'm so proud of that." 😬
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George Bernard Shaw said, "I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live.” ✨
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It's not about being hardworking, it's that the true joy in life is when we are being thoroughly used for a purpose that we believe in, that we care about. 💫🌻
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Know what your purpose is and you will care a great deal, and that is when our life becomes fulfilling. It is when our care factor is NOT zero, that we'll feel alive, and can be happy, always. ❤️
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Click on link in bio to watch video 📽🔝 #behappyalways

There is nothing more important in life than to be authentic, genuine and real. 🙌🏻 To stay true to ourselves. Not pandering to other people or pretending to be someone we're not. 😊
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However, being true to ourselves doesn't mean being defensive. Being authentic doesn't mean resisting change. 👉🏼 It is entirely possible to be authentically us yet adjust to have better relationships with the people around us; and not just try adjust to the people we love but also adjust to the people we meet in any situation. 🕺
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Sometimes we see adjusting as having to lose a part of ourselves, but adjusting is not giving anything up, it’s being intelligent enough to create the most ideal outcome. 💯 We don't lose anything except our ego, and that is a good thing because it's often our ego that stops us from making the best decisions for our happiness. 😬
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It is possible to be ourselves yet fine tune the various parts that we can possibly improve on; like patience, empathy, consideration or even simple things like being punctuality or having better manners. ✔️
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In any situation that's uncomfortable or challenging, we can either think "How can I handle this better?”, “How could I have responded to that better?" or we can think "Well, this is me and this is how I talk and think, so that’s that." 👉🏼 One train of thought is reflective, and the other train of thought is defensive. 🙅🏻
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It is only when we stop trying to defend ourselves against the world, it is when we are not resistant to change that our authentic self emerges.... because we are only truly ourselves when there’s no fear of losing our identity. 💃🏻
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Wanting to be authentic means being very open to change, because that’s the only way to let ourselves grow, to be the best version of ourselves, and to be happy, always. ❤️
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Click on link in bio to watch 'How To Be True To Yourself' 🔝💋 #behappyalways

It’s really hard to be a parent, because generally, it’s just really hard to be a human. 👩🏻‍💼
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Everybody knows that being a parent doesn't come with an instructional manual, yet when our parents make mistakes or let us down, we expect our parents to know better, to make better decisions. 😟
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As we become adult ourselves, it becomes easier to clearly see our parents’ faults and weaknesses, so much so that it’s also easy to be resentful or angry at them - for not being there enough, for not being strong enough, for not being responsible enough, for not being behaving like the ‘adult’ in the relationship. 😡
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So even as we love our parents, it can be a struggle to have a loving relationship with them. 🖤 There can be many things we can see our parents doing wrong, many things they shouldn’t have said or done, or could have said or done better. 🍂
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It’s always difficult to realise that your parent isn’t a hero or that they can’t set inspiring examples or support and love us in the way we wish they would. 😢
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The thing is, parents don’t magically level up in self-awareness, maturity, wisdom just because they have kids. 👁 Many parents have challenges in their own lives that they cannot overcome. Some people are not skilled at managing their own emotions, and it spills over to affect their relationship with their children. 😔
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Parents just do the best they can and sometimes their best disappoints or hurts us. 💔 The thing is, if we want to develop a good relationship with our parents (and it's okay if we don't), we cannot expect them to change. If we expect that, we’ll always feel disappointed, resentful or angry.
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If we want to achieve our objective of having a good relationship with our parents, it is us who have to put in the effort to change any negative habitual way of speaking and reacting to them. And the only way to successfully do that is to drop our expectations of how they 'should be'. ☀️
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The way to wonderful relationships is never about fairness, but about acceptance and adjustment. 🙌🏻 At the end of the day, only we can decide if the relationship worth the effort. Have no regrets, and be happy, always. ❤️ Click on link in bio for video 🔝💋

What do you talk about, when you’re with your friends? ☀️ Do you update each other on your own lives, or do you spend your time talking about other people? 🗣
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Gossiping about others and bitching about people can feel good, but it’s honestly not a particularly good way to spend our time. 👉🏼 It’s not wrong, because we have every right to decide what to talk about when we’re with our friends, but the things we talk about reflects our mentality and how we feel about ourselves. 👁
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People who are genuinely confident and who lead fulfilling lives don’t spend time gossiping, because there are so many other interesting topics in life to talk about. 💯
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There’s usually a lot of judgement, sarcasm and a sense of satisfaction that comes with gossiping about people. We can even gossip and talk badly about people we don’t know personally. 😳 If we find that our catch-up sessions with friends often revolve around gossiping, we have to examine why that is the case. 🤔
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Is it because we don’t feel good about ourselves, and judging people negatively, help us feel temporarily better about our own lives? 😌
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It is because deep down, we envy the success or lifestyle of the person we’re gossiping about? ☠️
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Or is it because we don’t have anything interesting, witty or intelligent to contribute to a conversation, so bringing ‘the latest gossip’ is our way to bond with our friends, to feel included in the group? 🙋🏻🙋🏻‍♂️
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We have to keep in mind that friends who gossip with us… can also gossip about us. 📢
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How we spend our time and what we talk about is a great indication of how successful at life we can be. ✨ Talking about other people is not a good past-time, because that time can be spent, thinking and talking about how we can be bettering ourselves. 🌞 No one has ever made himself great by showing how small someone else is. 👉🏼 Be so busy living and loving your OWN life that you have no time for gossips, hatred or negativity. Be truly happy, always. ❤️
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P/S: LIVE chat tonight on FB on this topic, see you at 9pm (GMT+8)! Click on link in bio to join the chat 💋 #behappyalways #thomassabomy

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