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Xandria Ooi  Bite-sized inspirations & perspective ❤️ Host, Speaker ✨ KL www.xandriaooi.co FB live chats 🗯: fb/xandriaooi New inspirational video EVERY DAY👇🏼

http://www.youtube.com/xandriaooi

When life is difficult - when our heart hurt or when our spirit is broken, it’s almost instinctive to hurt ourselves. To withdraw from society, to cut off people who care or to physically harm ourselves. 😔
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It is at this very juncture, that we have to take extreme effort to not do any of these things. 🙅🏻 It doesn't mean we should hide our unhappiness or force ourselves to ignore our problems, it means that we build our ability to think things through, to find ways to overcome our problems and not give in to them. ✨
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Harming ourselves is our way of releasing, or smearing away, bad memories and experiences with dirt and soot so that it's easier to get over it. 🔳 But as dirty as it gets we still cannot ignore it because it's still there - so all we up end feeling is worse because looking at the dirt we’ve put there... makes it even more awful. 💔
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We don't have to pretend to be happy, because making an effort is not pretending. 💛 It's like when you don't really like eating vegetables and you eat them anyway, you're not pretending, you're genuinely making an effort because you know vegetables are good for you. 👉🏼 Positivity and happiness is the same - you don't force it. You mentally acknowledge that you need help, and you go about putting in the actions that can really help. 👁 -
If you feel you need professional help, seek it. If you feel like you cannot cope on your own, don't pretend that everything is okay. 👉🏼 But don't stop making effort - don't let yourself fall into a darker place. ☀️☀️☀️
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If you feel lost, know that as long as you're alive, you will always have the privilege to make choices, so always choose the light, always choose to help instead of harm yourself because there is a reason you are alive, there's a reason the world needs your spirit and what you have to offer. ✨
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So during the dark days, think of the FUTURE YOU, the person that you'd like to envision yourself to be, and hold on to that image and feed joy to that girl. You are her, and you've just got to believe it. ❤️🙏🏼 Click on link in bio to watch 'Help, Not Harm Yourself' 🔝💋 #behappyalways #timberlandmy #moderntrail #scotland

Why are we here on this earth? ✨
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The answer to this question depends on what you believe. Maybe it’s tied to faith, maybe it’s a personal philosophy. 🍃 One thing’s for sure, everyone’s answer can differ, and not one is more correct than the other. 👌🏻
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It’s human nature to want to find the meaning of life, which is why we have dreams. The idea of dreams gives us something to look forward to, so much so that our dreams become our purpose in life. 🤔
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This is where we can really explore the possibility that our purpose in life does not necessarily mean that we have to have dreams of what we want to achieve in life. 💭 For example, if we think that our dreams of getting married and having a family are dashed because of unforeseen circumstances, it does not mean that our life will suddenly have less meaning. 🥀
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Our reason of being here on this earth, CAN'T be so that we can achieve our dreams. Our purpose of existence can’t be to get married, or to procreate, or to work, or to make money. 👉🏼 These are human decisions and human desires. -
Our purpose in life is something we have to figure out for ourselves, and it can’t be attached to one singular thing - because our purpose is not linked to what we have or don’t have - it is attached to how we live. 💫
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Disappointments are part of life. It sounds easy to say, but in reality, disappointments can crush dreams and leave us feeling like we have nothing to live for. 💔This is where it is extremely important to know that our dreams are not us - they are our desires.
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What we are here on earth for - it is beyond our dreams and we can achieve - the biggest privilege of being human is simply our ability to hope, and the ability to live a meaningful life.
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We might not know why we are here on earth, but now that we are here, we get to go on this journey of immense experience for a period of time. 🛤 This journey doesn’t get better when we achieve our dreams, this journey is ALREADY a privilege. Live your life making the best of each day, and be happy, always. ❤️ -
Click on link in bio to watch 'Your Purpose In Life' 🔝💋 #behappyalways #livelifenotdreams #thomassabomy

There is a huge difference between giving and sacrificing. One makes us happy, the other makes us miserable. 👁
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Sacrificing for the people we love may sound like a noble thing to do, but in reality a sacrifice always manifests into two negative emotions - guilt or resentment. 😰
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This is why so many of us have resentment towards our spouses, because we give and give and get no appreciation in return. But when there is resentment involved, we have to be honest with ourselves and ask, "Were we giving? Or... were we sacrificing?” 🤔
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Sometimes, we genuinely think we're giving, but the fact that we have resentment indicates that we have expectations; and that means that we have to examine whether we were truly giving because we want to. 👉🏼 A true gift is always a conscious choice, and a conscious choice never feels like a sacrifice.
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The only time we will categorise something as ‘sacrifice’ is when we are giving without 100% wanting to, but we do it because we know it's 'for the best'. 🤞🏻When you give up your job for your kids, you might feel like you are making a sacrifice, so when you're not appreciated for that sacrifice, resentment and unhappiness builds up. 😔
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Sacrifice always comes with the word 'should'. I should do this, I shouldn't do that. That's where guilt comes in, and why many mothers feel guilty. 😓 Because deep down inside, there's always a war between what you want, and what think you should want.
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Sacrificing for kids doesn't make us better parents. Sacrificing for our relationship doesn't make us better partners. ✖️ It is the ability to be happy, without resentment or guilt that makes us better for the people we love. ❤️
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There is no such thing as sacrificing for love, because when you sacrifice yourself, what do you have left to give?
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Sacrificing is not a sign that we're a good person, or a generous person. Always give instead of sacrifice, and remember to be happy, always. ❤️
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Click on link in bio for video 'Give, Not Sacrifice' 🔝💋#behappyalways #lovebonitomy #lbootd

One of the hardest things in the world to do, is to look into ourselves. 👁 On a day-to-day basis, we don’t have time to examine all the whys of our feelings, our reactions and decisions. 🌪☀️ Some days are great, some days not so good, and some downright terrible; and it becomes this normal state for us - we’ve accepted that life isn’t perfect and we just need to push past the bad days. 👊🏼
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The thing is, although it is the absolute truth that life isn’t smooth sailing, what is equally true is that there are reasons as to why we would feel sensitive, defensive, angry, resentful, fearful… all the things that make up a bad day aren’t just circumstances, it’s our reaction to the circumstances. 👉🏼 And our reactions are a 100% tied to who we are and what we need. 😦
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There is always a reason why something would affect us. Most of these reasons are undetected on the surface level. 😓 Sometimes we know we have fears of abandonment. Sometimes we know we have a need for affection and sometimes we know we have emotional wounds that are hidden from the view of the world with a friendly and cheerful exterior. 💪🏼
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Yet even if we know these things, it’s incredibly difficult to keep looking within ourselves to examine why we feel this way. 🙇🏻‍♀️
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Thinking too deep can be exhausting, it can be emotionally painful and it’s not fun. 😕 But what is MORE exhausting and painful and certainly not fun, is to not acknowledge what lies beneath, to just go about our day hoping that tomorrow will be better.... Because no matter how optimistic we are, the moment something happens, our reactions will always be a reflection of how we feel inside. ☹️
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If we can see patterns emerging in our relationships with people, in the way we manage problems and challenges or in the way we always react sensitively or defensively or angrily about something… we need to examine why. ✨🍃
It is only when we are able to look within ourselves honestly and truthfully that we stop giving our happiness away to people and circumstances... that’s when we’re able to truly be happy, always. ❤️
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Click on link in bio to watch 'Being Honest With Ourselves' 🔝💋 #behappyalways #lovebonitomy #lbootd #thomassabomy

Everywhere we look, the world teaches us to be kinder, more patient and more compassionate towards people. 💫 Being empathetic and kind towards ourselves however, isn't something that we learn in school and it probably isn't a conversation our parents would have with us growing up. If anything, we're warned against being selfish. 🙅🏻
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There's in fact, this moral code that's been embedded into us - that it's normal to put others before yourself, because thats what a kind, generous and giving person would do. 🙋🏻‍♂️😇
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And this is a problem only because it perpetuates the concept of a lose-win situation, for you to gain, I must sacrifice. For the greater good, I must always sacrifice. 😰
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The term sacrifice in itself requires us to give up something we value, and 'giving up something' already suggests some kind of reluctance. 😟 This is why we can think we're sacrificing for our relationships, sacrificing for our company, but at the end of the day we just feel completely drained and so tired. 😔
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We can volunteer and we can GIVE, but we should never sacrifice. ➖When we volunteer, it means we don't have any expectations. When we give, it’s only because we have enough to give. 💯 But when we sacrifice, it means we're doing something we may not necessarily want to, or that we may not have it in us to give but we're still doing it anyway because we think it's the 'right thing to do'. Because we don't want to be selfish. ❄️
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And here's the thing - giving ourselves a break, being kind to ourselves... it's not selfish. It's intelligent. 💖 Because if we don't, then we'll never learn how to truly give to others... we'll just know how to sacrifice for others. 😧
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Self-love and self-care is the opposite of selfish, because only a person who knows how to love herself knows how to love others, and can be truly at peace from the heart, to be happy, always. ❤️
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Click on link in bio to watch 'Self-Love Isn't Selfish' 🔝💋 #behappyalways #selflove

In the quest of as authentic we can, some of us may fear we come across as fake in our interactions with people. 😐
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Maybe we feel like we’re masquerading and acting sometimes - that we have to say and do certain things just to get a response, or to please people. 🎭
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In every human interaction, there is a level of adjustment to people, because all of us have a different chemistry, a different sense of humour and even different levels of sensitivity. 🤔 It's not inauthentic when we tap into our emotional intelligence to think before we speak, to read emotions and body language to create the best interactions possible with people. 🙌🏻 👀
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Yet for some of us, it can be hard to know where the trying ends and the masquerading begins, and that's where the feeling of inauthenticity comes in. 😵
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The main difference between being real and being fake when talking to people lies in our intentions - if we have good intentions, then every action is just a way to convey that intention. 🗣👌🏻 -
We have to be aware that there's always two intentions when we talk to people - there's a surface intention, and there's an intention of the heart. 👉🏼 If you're in sales, your surface intention is to sell, but your intention of the heart could be that you care about people's experiences, or that you don't care at all as long as they buy. 🤷🏻‍♀️
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The former will have us trying to connect with people, and the latter will have us saying anything to please people. 🔺🔻
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As long as we know our intentions, there's no fear of not being authentic, because even if you have to put on different hats to connect with different people, your good intentions remain the same. ☑️
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We don't have to define ourselves to be an extrovert or introvert, to be this sort of person or that sort of person. ☀️🍃 Don't let who you think you are hold you back from who you can be, and it’l be easier to be authentic, and be happy, always. ❤️
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Click on link in bio to watch 'How To Be Authentic in Communicating With People' 🔝💋 #behappyalways #lovebonitomy #lbootd

When something amazing is about to end, or when it's over, don't be sad. ☀️
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It’s always hard to imagine how life can ever be as bright when something wonderful comes to an end, like a relationship or a phase of our life. But what we're actually afraid of isn’t that it ends, the fear comes from the thought that we'll never get the experience this sort of happiness again. 😔
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It’s hard to move on, but if we see moving on as moving forward instead, it might make all the difference to how we experience the future. 👣
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Whilst it is true that we will never experience the same thing again, what is JUST as true is that we will definitely experience that feeling of joy, happiness and contentment, many times over in our future. 💫
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If, in your mind, you’re always thinking that the best is yet to come, then you’ll go through life having more and more amazing experiences. 🌟 If you go through life feeling like you’ve left the best years behind, then all your experiences in the future will never be able to compare to what’s in your head. 😨
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Moving on isn't something we have to do, it's something that will happen with or without our consent. 🤷🏻‍♀️ LIFE moves on, and we can either let it sweep us along unwittingly, or we can decide to explore what life has in store for us by moving forward. 🌞
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After you’ve watched a great concert, you’re not sad that it ended, you feel thankful that you’ve had the chance to experience something so amazing. 🙏🏼
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Don't wish for something wonderful you've had in the past and don't be sad that you're not experiencing the joy you once had. 👀 Every fun, every adventure and every delight that awaits us is very dependent upon whether we see the opportunity in every moment, or if we’re stuck in the past unable to be open to the new amazing things that come our way. ✨✨✨
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We never know what’s around the corner, so if we don’t know, why would we want to assume the worst, why not assume the BEST? 😃 Look forward to each new day and the opportunity it brings, and decide to be happy, always! ❤️
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Click on link in bio to watch 'How To Move On And Move Forward' 🔝💋 #behappyalways

No matter how happy we are in life, there's going to be things we really don't feel like doing, but we know we kind of have to do them. 😔😅
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One of the best ways to do anything happily, is to use our mind to create a reality where we only have 2 categories to choose to be in - The category of 'I want to do it', or the category of 'I don't want to do it'. ▪️▫️
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Because when we don't feel like doing something, we're often right in the middle - where we've put ourselves in the category of “I'm doing this because I have no choice”, “I'll do it but I resent it”, or “I do it but I hate it". 😓
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That's where the unhappiness and resistance is - right there in the middle.
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If there is something you don't feel like doing, the only question to ask is - are you still going to do it? If you ARE, then it must mean that you WANT to do it - for whatever reasons that exist. ✨ You may not like it, but you WANT to do it. Maybe you get a better relationship, maybe you get a cleaner bathroom, maybe you get to put food on the table and feed your family. ☑️
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Sometimes, we have negative motivations to doing something - like the fear of punishment or fear of losing someone, and that is why we feel that we have no choice, why we keep staying in this middle part of unhappiness. 😔
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Once we focus on the positive reasons of why we do the things we do, then we can acknowledge that we actually want to do them.
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'Having' to do something is the same as 'wanting' to do something, because it both means we are going to do it. 👌🏻 The former just means we're going to do it miserably, and the latter means we're going to do it happily. 🤷🏻‍♀️
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We never do nothing we don't want to do - there is always a reason of why we would still go ahead to do something. 💫 Embrace the reason, focus on what it gives you and what it brings to your life, and you'll stop seeing what it's taking away from you instead. 🙌🏻
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Only when we are acutely aware that we always choose our actions, and that no action taken is ever because we have no choice, can we be at peace, and be happy, always. ❤️
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Click on link in bio to watch 'Do It Happily, Or Don't It' 🔝💋 #behappyalways #lovebonitomy #lbootd

When we go into a relationship, when we marry someone… it’s because they give us so much happiness, they bring so much joy into our lives. 💖
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When we fall in love, every other kind of happiness we’ve ever felt might pale in comparison; so much so that we settle on this one thought: This person makes me happy. 😍
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But that’s not true. YOU made yourself happy. You made the choice to allow yourself to open up to someone incredible. ✔️ You made the decision to commit to someone whom you feel extremely connected to. ✔️ You made the choice to stick in there even when the person has hurt you. ✔️
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Nobody can MAKE us happy, we have always been the one who has brought happiness into our own lives. ✨
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If you’re feeling happy because you have great friends, it’s because you have chosen to surround yourself with genuine, generous and loving people. 🙌🏻 If you’re feeling happy because you have a great family, it’s because you have chosen to be consciously grateful for them. 🙏🏼
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Similarly, nobody can make us UNhappy. No wife, no husband, boyfriend or girlfriend, family or friend can make us unhappy. 🙅🏻
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We have always been the only one who can cause our own suffering, our own unhappiness; because it is always our reaction to the circumstances that dictates whether we feel happy or not. 🍃☀️
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It’s never what happens or who happened, but how we handle it. 👌🏻 It’s also not who we have or don’t have in our lives, because we cannot have a healthy relationship until we know that our happiness can not be given to us by someone else. ✨
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We don’t expect people to lose weight for us, so why would we expect people to make us happy? We've got to do that ourselves. 🙋🏻
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It’s perfectly NORMAL to be feel unhappy sometimes, to be affected by people and things, but once our mind is tune to the fact that our happiness is not out there somewhere, but IN US, we can very easily let go and find our balance again. ☀️☀️ Nobody can make happy, but you can always, always make yourself happy. 💫 Be happy, always. ❤️
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Click on link in bio to watch 'Someone Who Can Make You Happy' 🔝💋#behappyalways #lecontouronlineboutique #igsg

Stress, worries - we’re so good at projecting into the future when it comes to that. 😓
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What we’re not so good at projecting, are the consequences of our all actions years from now. 🤔 This is likely because when it comes to the choices we make today, the cost of these choices can seem very minor - it may seem like too much effort versus the return we get over the next few years. ➕➖
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It’s like putting on sunscreen - You can clearly see the difference in the long-term. As with any kind of investment, or any kind of long-term thinking, when you get to the future, you’re so thankful you did it. 😃😃👍🏻👍🏻
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But when you’re 12, you don’t see yourself being 40, and that’s why there’s just more cost than benefit to putting sunscreen. 👎🏼.... And when you’re 40 and you realise how important it is, you can’t put on on 10 layers of sunscreen at one time, hoping that it’ll turn your skin around. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 It’s the same as our relationships. 💖
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We can’t not invest in a relationship for 10 years and then suddenly for one year, we start treating the person like they’re the best in the world and we expect the relationship to reflect the love of a decade squeezed into one year. 😰
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Brad Pitt is 53 years old and divorced with 6 kids, and in a candid interview with GQ Style, he talked about the kind of person he’s been all these years, and that it hit him during his divorce that he’s “got to be more”. 🙁
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He said, “I think I spent a lot of time avoiding feelings and building structures, you know, around feelings. And now, I have no time left for that.” 💬
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Today, when we make our choices, do we think about what kind of cost or benefit there may be to us in 10, 20 years’ time? 💭
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Until we get to the future, we’ll never know the cost of harbouring anger or resentment, or what benefits letting go will bring us. 👁 So we’ll just have to do our best, like with sunscreen, and start doing it early, so that it’s not only now, but also in the future, that we can be happy always! ❤️
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Click on link in bio to watch 'Why Take Action Now?' 🔝💋 #behappyalways

Why can’t you understand? 😫😡
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I am trying to explain my feelings, why can’t you get it? 😢
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When someone is important to us, we always try our best to be patient and to communicate with them. 🤞🏻🗣 Yet there’s still so much frustration involved because people may still not understand what we’re trying to convey to them. 😖
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There are two main difficulties that we have to be aware of when it comes to telling someone what we think. ✨ The first thing is to be aware that we ourselves may not be accurately describing our emotions and thoughts. 🤔
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When we try to explain something to someone, we’re putting words to a feeling, feelings that are linked to an imagery of what we want the person to understand. 👁 And it’s actually incredibly hard to verbalise that imagery in a way that accurately expresses what we feel. 😅
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So when people don’t understand, logically we shouldn’t even be surprised, much less frustrated. 😯 Because if we cannot even verbalise our thoughts in a way that describes a 100% of what we’re feeling… how can someone else understand a 100%? 🤔🤔
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The second thing is we have to be aware of is that when people listen to what we say, they’re not receiving it ‘pure’. 👂🏼
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It’s almost like we ALL hear something said through a filter, and that filter is made up of many things - our own pre-conceived notions, the habits we picked up when we were growing up, or even our past history with the person who’s talking to us. 🙇🏻‍♀️
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So whenever people listen to us, they might not get our meaning because they are not receiving ‘our message’, they are receiving ‘information which they will interpret themselves’, which may or may not be the actual message we’re trying to convey. 🤷🏻‍♂️
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And the same thing happens when WE listen to people. -
Being aware of this helps us understand why our messages may not be getting across and feel less frustrated, so that we can think clearer to try figure out how to describe our thoughts and emotions in a different way, because the person matters to us, because the relationship matters to us. ❤️
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Click on link in bio to watch 'How To Make Communication Less Frustrating' 🔝💋 #behappyalways #lovebonitomy #lbootd

I don't care. 🤚🏻
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Nothing affects me because I don't care. ✖️
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And if nothing really affects me, then I’ll be happy. ☑️
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The last part is true - if we are not mentally or emotionally disturbed by anything then we’ll always have a peace of mind and be happy. ☀️
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But not caring doesn’t not mean that things don't affect us. Not caring indicates that we don’t have any other way to not let things affect us so we revert to the most instinctive form of self-protection of defensiveness. And that… is to harden ourselves to put up a wall, to block out. 🙅🏻
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So that even as things affect us we can very effectively pretend they don’t. 👉🏼We can even feel proud of ourselves for our ability to not care so much. 👏🏼
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Saying that we don’t care is a pretense because it’s only when we’re sensitive, only when we’re easily hurt, or affected by negativity, that we’ll turn to a coping mechanism like not caring. 🤔
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And this is why the unpleasantness of life, the unpleasantness of people, affects us more and more, because we can only take so much before we burst apart at the seams, with our frustration and resentment manifesting in outbursts and consequences; affecting not only ourselves but the people around us. 😔
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When things genuinely don’t affect us, it means that we’ve developed the skills to rise above our negative emotions.It means we’ve developed the skills to overcome any negative circumstances, to acknowledge them, to accept them… and then to let them go. 🍃
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Not caring is a coping mechanism, whereas letting go is a resolution. ✨
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Strangely enough, it is only when we care enough to go through the discomfort of looking at ourselves of examining our own behaviour and our own negativity that we’re able to build the muscles to not sweat the small stuff. 👌🏻👌🏻
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It is when we care that we’re not defensive but reflective - and that’s when we try to live life in positive ways that helps us be happy, always! ❤️
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Click on link in bio to watch 'When You Try Not To Care' 🔝💋 #behappyalways #BHA #lovebonitomy #lbootd

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