"In many ways, motherhood started when I found out I was pregnant. Honestly, I was back and forth up to whether or not I really wanted to have a baby. It’s a huge responsibility to have and a raise a child even with a strong support network. When we decided that we would try, we were open to the idea that it might not happen but it didn’t take long to get pregnant. Once I was pregnant, I had to make immediate changes to my day to day. Those first 20 weeks were spent worrying about whether we would make it past the first trimester and then there were all the genetic tests. But even with those changes it wasn’t until we made it public that I had to think about my new identity as a mom. That’s how people saw me or related to me. All of a sudden there were all these expectations. Some were self-imposed and others are social expectations. I needed to adjust to this new identity and it wasn’t always easy or welcomed. I struggled with navigating these new expectations and responsibilities. I still do.
Motherhood can be lonely even with a strong community. I can’t really remember a time when I felt alone until I became a mother. Not only are my hormones out of whack but physically I just didn’t feel normal. Pregnancy is not kind to a woman’s physical and emotional health regardless of how “easy” it is. The loneliest times during these three months have been those 3am feeding sessions and during maternity leave when the day feels especially long. There were a handful of times where I found myself crying because I was overwhelmed or I felt challenged. There are days I still wonder what we got ourselves into and how the hell are we going to manage raising a child. I go over in my head all the things I could have done better or all the things I still need to do. These thoughts are constant even if I know I’m doing the best that I can. No amount of reassurance can make these thoughts go away so I've learned to celebrate/recognize small accomplishments.
So this is a shout out to all the moms out there. Thank you. Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. Thank you for letting me know that I’m being a good mom. Thank you for simply reaching out." - ❤️ @nguyeningatlife