I was on the phone to a bride recently and she said something interesting, She said “My Mum and Dad are happy for me to do whatever I want.. but everytime I tell my friends that we aren’t having matching bridesmaid dresses and we are not even having a wedding cake they have a mental breakdown.”
We laughed for a bit, and then it felt kinda sucky for this girl – who was working very hard to have the kind of wedding she and her partner wanted – but was fighting a battle against her very nearest and dearest friends.
And I have no doubt these friends meant well.
I have no doubt that most people who “suggest” things that should happen at weddings mean well. But what really needs to happen, from this moment, right now, is that we need to throw away this ridiculous wedding rulebook that sits somewhere between matching table sashes and buying outlandish gifts from your guests (whose meal and drinks you just paid for) and who bought you a gift to celebrant your wedding day.
Can it please just stop.
I’m not actually saying, don’t match chair sashes, or give gifts to your guests. I would be as guilty as the people I am talking about if I were to do that. What I am saying.. is that when your best friend tells you “I’m not having a professional wedding photographer, or a cake, or wearing a white dress” When that happens.. instead of blowing your stack and making her feel really crap about a decision she was really happy with 3 seconds ago, stop. Say “That’s great” and if you can’t say “Awesome” don’t say anything.
Keep your mouth shut.
Go home and write in your personalised wedding diary where you keep all your “When I get married” ideas. Write it down so you can remember it for your big day and YOU can do it when your time comes.
But this is not your time, it's hers.
Then only then, ring your friend. Listen to her plans, offer suggestions that suit her day and her plans – tell her you love her ideas. Because weddings are only a day – but like marriages, friendships last a lifetime.