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wanderlust_healing wanderlust_healing

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K wishart  These words wont ever be enough, but this ink is all i have to give life to the world inside of me. Β©

I admit, sometimes I cannot find the right words. Although when you are in front me, there are a million things I want to say, like how I smile more because of you and how I find the way your hair falls over your face so beautiful. And how often I've imagined running my fingers through it until you fall asleep in my arms. I've thought of all the ways I've wanted to tell you these things, so painstakingly simple. but there is a lump in my throat sometimes. The words evade me, and silence escapes these lips instead. And I never know just what to say. And this is the closest I've ever been, to telling you all these things 🌻
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Nature vs. Nurture. Someone pointed out that this was a little hard to read (lol) so please see the full piece in the caption below πŸ‘‡πŸ‘‡
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They say "nature vs. Nurture" why are we the way we are? Is it genetics or is it the way our vulnerable minds were moulded as little ones. At the end of each day, I'm not sure either of those things matter as much as having a heart that knows right from wrong, that knows how to love in place of pain, and fights endlessly to beat a new kind of existence into your weary veins. Believing that there is something more is what truly matters the most. .
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Sometimes it take's a conversation with somebody you love to put things into perspective. Giving up is easy, its going in to battle for what you hold close that is hard. But today there are no white flags. Today I am going to war ❀
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The hard words you wish you had said to your younger self. Self worth baby, you will hurt now, but you will grow, and when you do, you will move forward with a patchwork heart. It will be sore, it will be timid. But it will be stronger, and you will learn to love again, accepting only the love that you deserve ❀❀
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I'm not afraid to say that I have depression. It was a long road that got me here, and a long road to conquer it. But I have hope in my heart, for without hope, what is there? 🌻❀
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Sometimes the light inside of me fades and the air around me becomes harder and harder to breathe. When it happens, it is like my lungs forget how to work, and my heart forgets how to beat for me. I feel quiet inside. Hollow. And the earth is dark, well, my little piece of it is. And I often wonder, where all of the light within my heart escapes to. How can it become so dim, when I wasn't made for darkness. My heart she sways, she hopes for a feeling, not so fleeting, a feeling that beckons her to stay. To beat. Is it too much to say that I expected more from my heart, from me?
The lonely air isn't always there, but she is always an unwelcome visitor. Like that distant relative who comes around unannounced and stays for more days than is necessary. The drapes within my heart are rearranged; pulled shut. And the hurt, well, like that unwelcome visitor, it makes a home within me. I do not want for pain to stay, but sometimes there is a lump in my throat, and the words cannot escape. How do I say "please, go away?". I have learnt to live with it now, like memories stained on hearts.
like the hand we are dealt, like cards we must play, like hoping for that royal flush, like holding our breath as we lay all our cards out on the table.
It is a game; and one I don't want to play.
But I am here. Dressed for the win. Upturned lips, a smile. I sit at the table, lungs squeezed tight, that lump in my throat. Hand on heart. Eyes closed shut. I am here, I always show up; even though I never know just where to start -
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