I'm not afraid to say that I have depression. It was a long road that got me here, and a long road to conquer it. But I have hope in my heart, for without hope, what is there? 🌻❤
Sometimes the light inside of me fades and the air around me becomes harder and harder to breathe. When it happens, it is like my lungs forget how to work, and my heart forgets how to beat for me. I feel quiet inside. Hollow. And the earth is dark, well, my little piece of it is. And I often wonder, where all of the light within my heart escapes to. How can it become so dim, when I wasn't made for darkness. My heart she sways, she hopes for a feeling, not so fleeting, a feeling that beckons her to stay. To beat. Is it too much to say that I expected more from my heart, from me?
The lonely air isn't always there, but she is always an unwelcome visitor. Like that distant relative who comes around unannounced and stays for more days than is necessary. The drapes within my heart are rearranged; pulled shut. And the hurt, well, like that unwelcome visitor, it makes a home within me. I do not want for pain to stay, but sometimes there is a lump in my throat, and the words cannot escape. How do I say "please, go away?". I have learnt to live with it now, like memories stained on hearts.
like the hand we are dealt, like cards we must play, like hoping for that royal flush, like holding our breath as we lay all our cards out on the table.
It is a game; and one I don't want to play.
But I am here. Dressed for the win. Upturned lips, a smile. I sit at the table, lungs squeezed tight, that lump in my throat. Hand on heart. Eyes closed shut. I am here, I always show up; even though I never know just where to start -
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