I lay here as the clock strikes midnight officially turning to the day of my birth. I can't help but feel this for the first time in my life. It only took me 30 years to get here...
I know all my kids are safe, healthy and happy. My oldest in her room, sprawled out in her bed wearing a Saved by the Bell shirt I found at the market. She has no idea why we laugh when she walks into the room wearing it but she dances around because she loves to make us happy. My youngest is laying between JP and I, her sweet baby sounds a welcome distraction from the dreams that await me. My boy Skye is in heaven, resting in the warmth of Jesus's embrace, radiating the sweetest light through his pure and innocent soul. Juliana is with them, happy and strong. Telling stories about our short time together here on earth.
My husband is on the other side of the bed, the downside of co-sleeping a baby. I think of all the ways I have watched him grow, heal and reflect...just in today alone. The words I told him this morning ring peacefully through my heart "no matter what, you will always be my best friend." What I meant by that is exactly what you know with your best friend as well. They can hurt you, make you mad, confuse you and push you beyond your comfort zone but you love them unconditionally anyway. And it's a choice...one you have to make everyday right? You weren't born into a best friend, you choose to invite this person into your world to share in all the good and all the bad no matter the circumstances...even if they are the culprit behind both. JP is just that, my best friend and I choose him. What an honor it is to watch him grow and be restored like a Phoenix rising from the ashes. Gods redemptive work fully coming to life before my very eyes. •
So here I am. Watching these amazing humans grow as I grow alongside them. Thirty years of life and I am finally feeling something I always longed for. Contentment. Contentment in happiness, sadness, in the unknown, and in the blessings. I dreamt for this feeling but didn't really know if it existed here on earth. Now here it is. The most perfect gift to begin another trip around the sun. Thank You, God.