wanderingkamya

Pulwama. Over forty Indian soldiers dead; one of the largest bombing atrocities committed in the Kashmir region in years. In case you don’t know anything about Indian politics (and trust me I barely know much either because I don’t watch news) - when the British Empire got dismantled and Pakistan was made a country, there was a great deal of tension between India and Pakistan on what happens to Kashmir (which lies next to the border).
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I haven’t been there myself, but people describe it to me as the single most beautiful place in the world. And my heart goes out to all the young soldiers who died here. For their country. Fucking terrorists. Why do they do it? I asked my friend over breakfast. Like what’s the whole scenario? Which took us through conversation on American politics, the illuminati, reptilian beings, and all the battles being waged BEYOND what we actually see in society. And the truth behind all these fake global institutions like large banks (yes I’m an economist but I’m woke), governments, and of course terrorists.
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So what can we do? I mean we can’t go and spike everyone’s bottled water with LSD. (Though if you manage to do that you’re my biggest hero). Like, what is the Mahabharata? It’s a war between dark and light. Consciousness and ignorance. And the war that’s being waged ON THE INSIDE on a daily basis is something that can be won. Because ultimately all the things we see outside actually just exist INSIDE the human consciousness. And so collectively - changing that, will change the world.
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So do as much as possible to stay in your light. Don’t support products or organisations that are unconscious. Don’t support factory farming. Don’t support blind-eyed materialism because that’s exactly what they want - they want us to be dumb. To be sheep. They want us to FORGET our own power and feel hopeless that we can’t do anything. Or feed us the delusion that we have everything when we’ve made a bunch of money and lost our soul. So find your own light, and shine it like the fucking sun.
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And take a minute of silence today to send out prayers and white light to the Kashmir region. They can feel it. You can feel it. We’re all connected ☮️

The day of love. Part of my self-love routine involves spending a good hour to three in the morning, just giving myself time. This involves spending time ‘presence’ (letting go of everything and just being/sitting), yoga, some rituals, and getting ready. And sometimes I get asked - wait, you’re spiritual right? Why do you wear make up? Karen, why are you white if you’re from Africa? (Joke). Which itself shows a pretty ignorant view of how our personal aesthetic influences our state of mind. For me, my personal truth reflects outward from my soul into my physical form; and allowing ourselves to dress in a way that’s in resonance with who we are inside is a genuine form of self-appreciation.
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These new Superstay Matte Ink lipsticks from Maybelline are now a definite part of my make up kit - everything from deep red to light pink, for whatever mood you’re feeling, in 25 shades that will stick with you from the start of the day to the very end. That’s 16 hours of worry-free colour, which also makes it very easy to take photographs at any time of day! Having actually shot multiple photos with these products over the past few days allows me to say - they are some of the most wear resistant mattes I’ve ever come across. In fact I still have the ‘superstay’ in the last picture on my arm even 2 days after (yes I did shower though 😂).
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What do you do in the morning to start off on a good note? Leave a comment below.
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#SuperstayAllDay, #MaybellineIndia, #SuperstayMatteInk #16HourLongwear #Transferproof

There is something so freeing about leaving all your securities behind. Your wallet in your room and your SIM card disfunctional. With no idea in your mind of how you’re going to get to where you want to go, but only an appreciation and an excitement for what’s lying over the horizon of your perception.
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This is how I’ve lived most of my life for the past 3 years. To a large extent; just literally packing up and going. Going anywhere as long as I was going. Didn’t care, moving; it didn’t fucking matter. Doing anything I had to do, so long as I could just be in that free flow of universal creation that I’ve become so accustomed to experiencing.
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People think of coincidence as something quite big. You thought of someone and they called you. Imagine experiencing that level of synchronicity times 20 literally every day. To the point where it seems like nothing happens for the sake of it. Literally EVERY experience and person and occurrence is so so inter-related and you can totally feel where it’s all coming from.
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But I can’t live like that externally, forever. The clicker has turned, the portal is closing up. I’m jumping into a new reality with all my synchronicities and all my connections intact; but I can’t afford to just leave everything behind anymore. I’m fact, I have to do the opposite. And for me this is a huge test in integration - translating everything in my self into day to day, normal living.
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📸 @madebygoogle #teampixel

Are we really free? Just because we’ve grown up and made our own income? Because we colour our hair purple and dance naked on a beach in the middle of Thailand? Because we joined a spiritual cult and brainwashed ourselves into thinking we’re a label? Because we’re vegan and now we know everything about nutrition?
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No.
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No we’re not free, just because we changed a few things and show ourselves in a certain way to the outside world. And of course, the external representation is not always a reflection of what’s actually happening inside. Maybe we need to go into our subconcious. Maybe we are suffering and we want to run away it. And I really appreciate all the beauty of life - all the colourful hair, all the wild experiences, the different spiritual paths I explore because I’m actually exploring myself.
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But don’t be fooled because that’s not the end. How free are you really?
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When you’re on your own in your room and no ones watching. Can you stare at yourself in the mirror for 10 full minutes, without flinching? Have you recognised how you’re tied to other people, and most of all, you’re past? And have you let those parts of yourself go? And have you thrown your cigarettes in the bin, forever?
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No you’re not free just because you can roam around at 4am without anyone telling you anything. I thought that was freedom when I was an adolescent. You’re free, when you’re at peace. When you self-enquire and find out wait is this path actually right for me? Is this MY truth? And you live in that truth every moment of every day. I think you’re free when you can just be yourself. And we’re all still just getting there.
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Shot at @adiwanahotels @adiwanaaryavilla beautiful property located in Ubud, Bali. 🙏🏼 Adiwana has several properties located in Bali so do check them out if you are visiting the area.
📸 @shankzakaneo ✨ edited myself

Bali is one of those few places in the world where beauty is dripping from every inch and corner. Maybe not in the raw and expansive sense you’d find in the Himalayas; but the spirit here is aligned with a kind of purity that I can’t find easily elsewhere in the world. Most of the houses here are shrouded in ornate temples; the architecture here is something out of the Ramayana. And actually the history of this island leads right back to those mythological texts. Bali being predominantly Hindu, somehow seems to me more inherently cultural than any Indian city. The little flower and incense offerings people leave outside of their houses each morning. The way that people respect and talk to you. Somehow, I feel more connected to my culture here, than I would in Bombay, at least in ordinary day to day living.
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And it’s in this beautiful space that I’ve occupied for two days at @adiwanahotels that I’m again connecting with myself. In the silence of my balcony overlooking a rice field. In the patterns of beautiful plants that line my garden. And I feel like this chapter of my life, is going to be a good one.
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📸 shot at @adiwanahotels @adiwanaaryavilla, beautiful property located in Ubud away from the rush of the town but close enough to access everything you need! Do check out this place, if you’re coming down to Bali ☮️🌲

“Goodbye, Kamya.” I said to myself. As I walked away from the grocery store. All the memories flashed backwards in my head; those crazy times when I’d been in the middle of nowhere, on my own trying to figure out what the fuck I was doing. All the times I’d laughed and cried, held myself in my own space and been my only companion. The feeling of being lost, on purpose. That expansive freedom of literally just wandering for the complete sake of it and feeling like I was everything.
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“You can’t go any further” she called out; I was four tabs of acid deep walking away from Eden toward the beach, experiencing what I now know was an ego death and a pretty terrifying occurrence at the time. That’s what happens - when you realise you have no control. Your ego flips out. And yes I realised she was right. I kept running, towards something unknown. And the moment I became aware my ego was dissolving I rolled over again in the sand in semi-conciousness with a difficult but final acceptance.
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3 years of my life. Actually, the entirety of my existence. Condensed into the intensity of only a few hours. I was forced to make peace with it, because I can’t run forever. It’s over. Not travelling; but being lost in the way that I have been doing so for years. And now I’m just trying to piece myself together again, with the settling truth that I’m going to have to face life for what it is. I’m going to live in one place. I’m going to share myself with physical human beings.
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It’s so crazy to even think about it. But that’s what it is. I’m not saying goodbye to anything good. I guess I’m saying goodbye to an identity I was holding on to. That I needed to let go of, to actually expand and fulfil my life purpose. Of course, I’ll miss all my spontaneous solo adventures. And for sure they’re not going to end. But it’s a different “me.” It’s a different understanding of life and of myself. And I think the idea of self is the hardest thing in the world to actually let go of. #permanentawarenessexpansion
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📸 @thetravelingman.co

When you ask someone what they want, they’ll often tell you all the things you might have already heard. Financial freedom. Freedom to live where they want, in the way they want. Emotional satisfaction, a cognisance of their life purpose. Sounds just like Aladdin’s Cave.
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But when you then look at the actions that people are taking to achieve these things, a lot time they are totally out of alignment. They’re not willing to give up their pack of cigarettes for some serious pranayama. They’re not willing to give up their antidepressants and take up plant based psychedelic therapy.
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They’ll tell you how life is so difficult and how it’s just not possible for them, to live their life the way they want. That family holds them back or maybe it’s just they don’t have any clue as to what to do. And in some sense it makes me laugh, although I do help people; because it’s so clear how many restrictions are utterly self imposed.
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If you think about your life in one year, how would that change if you woke up at 6am instead of 11pm? If you stopped hanging out with people that suck your energy, and if you gave up recreational drug use for something that actually shows you life in ways that you never knew before.
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So before we curse the universe for putting us in the situation we’re in, let’s first take back our power. There is always something we can change; and the power is always in the reality of the now ☮️

One day,
Reality will just dissolve into your face and your hands and
You’ll be lying there in the sand without
Your phone or your name or your rationality,
Just whatever is meant to be there
Right in the moment.
Just a mermaid and a merman
Washed up on the beach
The people that were meant to accompany you
Through this journey into yourself.
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And maybe you’ll question it as to why;
And what the fuck is happening and
It will suddenly dawn on you,
Fuck! My ego is melting.
And you’ll just feel all the parts of yourself
Going down down down into one
And with it, it will take away anything false
Leaving you with only just your self
Just whoever the fuck you are,
Without your name.
Without a single piece of clothing
Or any ideas of what should be.
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Simply whatever you decided to show up as
For yourself in that moment,
Dancing somewhere in some nonexistent paradise
You don’t actually know how you go to.
Because really,
It doesn’t even exist.
Paradise is that state of mind.
It’s the source and it’s the end;
The circle of life.
But you landed there, free.
Just a speck in the infinite series of time
Dancing there in the sand with the sun and the waves
Just you and this beautiful nature and people
And that will be it.
Your perception is altered, forever.
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Your ego will keep trying to hold on to it
To control. The idea of what you are,
Just fucking let it go.
It’s hard but you have to, let it go;
You have to die in order to be reborn.
We are beautiful
We don’t need to be anything or anyone
We just ARE
And when we can flow, like the river.
Merge from this huge reality into a small circle of nothingness,
Like all the single waves into the ocean
And come out on the other side like,
This IS who I am
I am not my insecurities
I am not my fears or doubts.
I am everything. I am everyone. I am infinite.
Everything is only love.
But to get there,
You had to go through it all first.
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#egodeath
#toomuchlsd
#lysergicaciddiethylamide

“Where’s your shoes?” he called out, as I strolled out of the restaurant. Mostar is a pretty small little town in Bosnia and I felt like some decent Italian and decided to head to this posh place near the river.
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But I was barefoot, and had been barefoot for the past few weeks in Europe. I kind of just laughed at the guy and walked away; people found so it preposterous that I would walk without shoes. I mean that’s just basic, right?
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And the next day somehow the same guy was at the traffic signal. He pulled up in his huge BMW, tinted windows, smelling like a perfume shop. “Wanna get in?” he said, (I don’t recommend getting into cars with strangers, not at all. I did this instance though as he was chill and also British).
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For about half an hour this guy tried to convince me to let him buy me shoes. He showed me pictures of his properties and cars in the UK. Sure you can flash a few millions worth of assets in my face, but that’s not going to convince me to accept something I don’t need.
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Eventually, he had some work and then came back with some shoes he got from his friend. “I really don’t need them but thanks” I wore them, and looked for the first opportunity to escape because he was kind of flipped. (That’s another story).
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Before this, I’d really been a mess. Wondering why I don’t have certain things I wanted, for a few days. And the universe showed up with this guy who tried to offer everything to me and in that moment I was like wait, I really don’t want it. I have everything. And it probably punctured his (the) ego that someone could literally not give a shit.
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And in this way, every experience serves to make me trust the universe a bit more. To identify between right and wrong, and always always, walk in my own light. Even if I’m not wearing shoes in the middle of a city. Even if someone offers to give them to me. Because fuck it, who the fuck knows your path, better than you?
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📸 @madebygoogle #teampixel

Can you really make someone change?
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I’ve been struggling with this issue for pretty much the whole of my life. I don’t think anyone is really born into a perfect family environment, and as I’ve furthered in my own journey I’m realising that is actually my own work to have to heal it.
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And the recent past has seen some crazy progress and also some major moments of disappointment. For a long time I simply avoided or ignored the issues present in my household between father and mother; simply grateful for the fact that they no longer attacked me for having a different lifestyle.
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But there was a point in time when it all became clear to me what was actually going on and it instigated a huge reaction from my soul against the injustice that was clearly there for years but I failed to recognise because I was too much of a child. I mean, I’m 27 but I guess most of my life has been lived in my own trip.
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Over the past 2 weeks, though, I’ve seen my mother become freer and more open. I’ve seen her smiling on her own and waking up early to connect with the ocean. Like how she was, even a few years ago living in the UK and being happy. Yesterday, she came ON HER OWN to zen beach and made her own friends as I wandered around in a state of union with everyone I know.
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But she has to go back. I would keep her in the hippie life, and the hippie life is possible for anyone who is willing to let go of a few things. But she wants to go; she wants a household and she wants to be near to her own family. I’ve been struggling with the dread of what will happen when she does because I don’t want her to slip into old depression and negative cycles, given the nature of my father.
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Let’s summarise it by a few sentences we exchanged before. The power you have, mother, is in the day to day moment to moment experiences. Maybe not in the overall picture of my father controlling finances and her not having much autonomy. But you are YOUR POWER and you can change how people perceive you by changing how you react and deal with them. Or not giving them any bhaav (attention).
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Because the ego always surrenders. It always has to, in the face of something higher. #deathtopatriarchy

I can feel the sand timer running out. I can feel it pulling my experience away from me as I’m sat here going into my own shell. I don’t want it to run out really; the island is my favourite place in the world. Every day here, each and every moment is like a sprinkling of all the things I ever lacked in my life. Like love, like appreciation. Like freedom in its multiple forms and senses, be it physical or emotional or anything. But you know, when you’re tripping, you’re so absorbed in the experience you literally become it.
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And Koh Phangan for me (well this area of it) is like a 24 hour trip on consciousness. Which makes it hard for me to then take out time to work. When I want to be running around on the beach, when I see people I know or people I don’t every half an hour and lose myself in another hour of conversation. Koh Phangan is such a flow; and though it’s not impossible to work here, for me it holds that special place where I want to come back and just be with it. And not much else. And just l do whatever ceremonies or workshops or daily life that I want to do here without feeling guilty I haven’t sat for 8 hours on my laptop.
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Each and every time I come here I grow in so many ways. My heart is full; I could cry with gratitude. So as I now move to a different dynamic of living in Bali, I’m keeping one large piece of my smile right here in the sand. My favourite country. My favourite few squared kilometres of land with anything and everything I could ask for. And that’s not going anywhere. 🙏🏼
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Machli ka dudh chaiye? Lol jk, I’m actually a vegetarian. I’ve gone through so many random diet patterns. Raw vegan, keto, starving myself, eating a ton of crap; and in all of this I think I could conclude one thing and is that all of it is complete and utter bullshit. Respecting animals and ethically sourcing your products is one thing, and this is something I really stand by. Even if it means spending DOUBLE the amount I tend to eat in healthy-food cafes not for the ‘trend’ of it, but when they actually get their products from conscious sources. Because what you put in your body is basically what you are. And if you’re putting in the psychic pain of an animal being tortured and it’s flesh into your stomach that’s the consciousness with which you’re going to be affected as well. In fact so many psychological problems like constant anger can be directly attributed to what you are putting in your stomach.
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HOWEVER, I’ve found to have done incredible damage by going extreme. We do actually need all food groups. It’s really dumb to just cut out carbohydrates. Same with raw vegan; fine there may be certain spiritual disciplines and plant diets which serve a specific purpose. But for day to day living, I mean what is the fucking point of depriving yourself? At some point my B12 levels fell so low I had to get injected in the ass about 5 times. So yes, there are definitely benefits of being HEALTHY. Including more fresh produce, not eating junk, cutting out tamasic meat products we don’t need. But for me healthy is not blindly following someones random dogma. It’s actually FEELING how things are affecting you and what your body is saying. You think that some random dude on TV knows your body more than your own body? Nah fam. So although I do sometimes follow diets (e.g. I fast for 9 days during Navratri), I think it’s dumb to just copy someone else. FEEL what you’re body is telling you. Experiment - what do you really need? If you need dairy source it ethically. If you need more vegetables get them from a farm shop. At the end of the day these things are completely individual and we have the discretion to choose what we feed ourselves with.