vexking vexking

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Vex King | Mind Coach 💭  Positivity | Inspiration | Wisdom © My own words & perspectives ✦ Empower your mind ✦ Raise your vibration ✦ Good Vibes Only #GVO ✘ I don't read DM's

http://www.vexking.com/

You know which people give the best advice? The individuals who have gone through similar things as us, but have also achieved the results we desire. They inspire us and motivate us to create change. They’re the people whose advice we value the most because they have walked a similar path to us, and they’re able to guide us towards where we want to be.
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On an aeroplane, the safety video/demonstration always states that you should put your own life jacket and oxygen mask on, before helping others. Although it might be deemed selfish by some, the message is clear: to save others, you must save yourself first.
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It’s cool to be kind. Being empathetic, compassionate and helping others, are all qualities we need to make this world a better place. Having someone by your side who’s willing to understand and comfort you during the tough times, can be crucial to our healing process. However, sometimes you will find that people who are trying to be there for others, eventually feel depleted.
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When one has a lack of self-preservation, they may easily be pulled down to lower states of vibration, and fail to give what they don’t have. They create an imbalance, and they are unable to save you because they haven’t saved themselves; this becomes exposed. They have not learned to play their part and navigate through the healing process – they are unable to show you how to love your wounds because they don’t know how to love their own.
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The idea of self-love is about recognising how much you can give while honouring your personal needs and desires. We must dedicate time to our own healing. Once we can brighten up our dark areas within us, we can be a source of light to others.
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Are you a saviour? Yes – but you are your own saviour, first. No one else can fill your voids or complete you. No one else can let go of your past. No one else can overcome your emotional trauma. No one else can validate your worth. All these things must come from you. Once you can give these things to yourself, just imagine how much better you’ll be able to assist others.
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Artwork: @mrtaylordani
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#GoodVibesOnly #GVO

Our brains are pretty cool. They want to make life easy for us so that we can do as little thinking as possible. Sounds weird, right? Especially if you’re a chronic overthinker. Nevertheless, our brains are optimised to make decisions based on previous emotions attached to experiences.
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An idea presented by Daniel Kahneman, that’s very well-known in psychology, suggests that we have two systems in our mind. System 1 is our automatic and unconscious mind, which enables us to navigate through the world more quickly and smoothly. System 2 is our deliberate, conscious and rational mind, which is where we have to think things through carefully, such as tricky calculations.
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Most of the time, our lives are driven by System 1. The brain doesn’t want to think, and it doesn’t want to waste time. So, if you've had an experience in the past where you felt scared, and you’re experiencing the same thing over, System 1 will tell you to react in the same way. It recognises that you've been there and thought it through before, so what you need to do is the same thing as last time!
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Due to the nature of System 1, we are then likely to make regular, predictable errors in judgement. Sure, the thoughts are quick and automatic, but they aren't always helpful. You don’t always want to handle situations in the same way. For example, if you've run away from a problem in the past, your brain will persist on the idea of running away, every time a similar problem occurs. It’s the easiest and most common thing to do.
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Positive thinking and success is the result of disciplining the mind; taking control of your thoughts and generating new behaviours that support what you desire. When a negative thought comes to mind, it’s usually the result of System 1 thinking. We really have to pause for a second here and say, "Hang on, how is this going to help me? How can I be more positive, strong and confident?" You have to become more self-aware. It’s a slower, harder and more forced process – but it’s how you can shift from that cycle of negative thinking to a new cycle of positive thinking.
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Artwork: @flowsofly
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#GoodVibesOnly #GVO

What truly makes us unhappy in life? One might say that it’s when things go wrong. Well, how do we define things going wrong? You could say it’s when life doesn’t go as expected. Therefore, unhappiness happens when life doesn’t go as desired.
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Our lives seem to be full of problems that are making us unhappy. But what’s a problem? A problem is whatever you decide it is – which also means that you have great control over it. You simply have to choose to see it differently. You see, we identify something as a problem because it doesn’t meet our expectation, or because it has the potential to hinder our desired outcome. But, we can always perceive it in such a way that takes the label away; or at least reduces its magnitude.
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Life doesn’t always go as expected. I learned this very early on in my life. When people used to tell me that everything happened for a reason, I wanted to punch them in the face. How can they say that about my dad’s death just months after I was born? My whole childhood was a struggle. Everything I lacked and faced, I identified as existing because of my dad’s absence.
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The truth is, it’s a phrase that now allows me to move on with my life. The pain created by events don’t always just diminish, but I can let go and play my role as a co-creator, manifesting greater things. It allows me to leave the past and focus on my present – a gift that I can only make the most of if I trade expectation with appreciation.
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There are so many things I wanted in life, that didn’t turn out the way they should have. However, I do not let them keep me back. I do not play life’s victim, I just flow with it and allow myself to feel empowered, so I can make better decisions that help me experience more of what I want in the future.
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Also, honestly, some of the things that I missed out on are the best things that never happened. If I had gotten these things that I thought I wanted, my life wouldn’t be where it is today – I may have never stumbled upon some of the things that I now deem as my biggest blessings.
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Art and motion: @theglitch.og
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#GoodVibesOnly #GVO

Recently, an adult was telling me how amazing a particular young man was. His reasoning was based on the person’s occupation, net worth and how beautiful their wife was.
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I also had a conversation with a woman who was excited to tell me about a guy she had just met: "He's such a great guy. He's good-looking, smart, he has an excellent job in finance, he's got loads of money, he drives a nice car, and he owns a big house. He’s perfect!"
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These conversations highlighted something important to me: people are defining how fantastic other individuals are based on a lot of superficial factors. Neither of these people indicated anything about the heart of the individual; whether they were kind to others, what they did to make the world a better place to live in, or how much they gave back.
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We're taught that these subjective things are what make people superior. Therefore, individuals neglect the work required to become better human beings, and instead, they work on their looks, making more money, attaining more material assets and everything that says, "Me, me me!"
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They then enter relationships and replace giving time to their partner with an Apple Watch. You can’t buy love and attention, and you certainly can’t replace your efforts with materialistic possessions. Furthermore, these individuals struggle to create a healthy relationship because they’re instilled with a selfish attitude.
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Nowadays, people label themselves "lucky" to have found someone who treats them right, as well as being physically attractive, but this shouldn’t be the case. Good manners and respect shouldn’t be a bonus. This should be the norm. We’ve made it rarity because we’ve encouraged people to focus on things external to them, before the things within them.
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This is why so many people experience relationship problems. People expect others to be perfect while they remain mediocre and work on things outside of them, instead of addressing how they can improve from the inside.
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In my eyes, it doesn’t matter what you have or what you’ve achieved, if you can’t practice human decency, you haven’t even touched upon greatness.
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Artwork: @regards_coupables
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#GoodVibesOnly #GVO

Someone recently proposed an interesting question in regards to achieving their goals: "How do I know if my beliefs and faith are strong enough to achieve my dreams?" They asked me this because I once stated that to manifest a goal, you must have an undeniable belief for it and unwavering faith towards it.
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This question reminded me of a time when someone said that they really wanted to practice Yoga and reap the benefits, but they avoided it because it was against their religious beliefs. In other words, by bending their body in different ways, they would be forced to question their faith and loyalty to God. Although I could understand their devotion, it did make me think about the strength of their faith – surely it could not go away by doing Yoga.
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My friend has stepped into Mosques, Temples, Synagogues, Churches and Buddhist Monasteries, without feeling the need question his firm faith to the Bahá'í religion. He claims that his relationship with God is personal and it is unaffected by these things.
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When the Ego is concerned, differences in beliefs can make you question your identity. Sometimes, people react with rage and attack to defend themselves. That’s why people will retaliate with abuse when you believe differently to them. By a difference in opinion, you are making them question who they are – the idea of losing their identity makes them go insane.
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However, when you truly believe and have faith in something, it shouldn’t matter what anyone else believes. It shouldn’t drive you mad unless there’s a strong Egotistical attachment. The truth is, when you have a big goal, there are going to be a lot of people who don’t believe in you. There will be a lot of individuals who knock your faith. But, you must never let them discourage you from your path. Your mind must accept, without a doubt, that you can achieve what you want.
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The type of belief and faith you must have is the kind that continues to remain optimistic, even when you have no reason to. Beliefs are our truth. If you truly accept that you will make it in your life, you will – it becomes a fact and instruction in your subconscious mind.
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#GoodVibesOnly #GVO

I love how people are becoming more invested in their inner-growth. But, some people are now trying to be recognised as being spiritual, without embracing unconditional love. You’ll hear all the lingo about people balancing their chakras, opening up their third eye, raising their vibration and awakening their Kundalini. You’ll hear people promote their Hatha Yoga poses, their Vipassana meditation practice and their vegan diet.
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These things can provide great benefit. However, some of these people defy the purpose of spirituality by getting trapped by their Ego. Some of these people are claiming to be highly spiritual or "woke" – and even trying to outdo others like they are participating in some kind of "Spiritual Olympics." This is destructive.
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Your social mask doesn’t identify who you are as a person; you are so much more. By labelling yourself, you are encouraged to form your identity through these tags and then judge everyone who doesn’t fall into the same "categories" as you. This may force you to act hostile towards them too.
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Being aware and judging others are two different things. You can become aware of something that’s damaging without passing judgement. What we seem to have are people who believe they are highly spiritual, bashing everyone who doesn’t follow the same path as them. They are detaching themselves from the idea of unconditional love, which I believe is where the journey of spirituality leads to.
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The spiritual journey is personal – it’s about you. It’s not about who others are or what they think of you; it’s about how you treat them. It’s not about imposing beliefs or judging those around you. It’s not about trying to look happy, or like you’re a decent human being; it’s about actually being those things.
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Everyone has different beliefs, and although some might seem negative, that’s okay. The best way to defend your beliefs is by living in line with them. If you believe in loving others and accepting people despite their differences, then show it. Don’t attack them for not being like you. Seek to understand, give compassion and if they desire it, provide guidance.
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#GoodVibesOnly #GVO

I’d like to wish my beautiful fiancée @kaushalbeauty a very happy birthday! Thank you for making me a better man. I love you, I’m proud of you, and I’m excited to spend forever with you.
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I was once asked me if I believe in the idea of love at first sight. For many, the term seems pretty cringe-worthy. The initial image that comes to people’s minds is two people crossing each other and deciding that they’re in love. It can seem pretty unrealistic.
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Nevertheless, I believe that the concept can be justified if we go deeper than sight. You can instantly vibe with someone new if they’re a vibrational match to you. You often hear people say, "When I saw them for the first time, I knew they were the one." It's almost as if your soul knows that you have found your match. You are in harmony with love itself, as love is what you feel upon sight, or rather, in the presence of this human being.
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I believe you can have a sense of knowing that they’re the one (or going to be the one) – but the irrational idea will challenge you. I mean, how can you imagine a future with someone you hardly know? I felt this sense when I was around my partner for the first time. It was my intuition, my inner-GPS, telling me that I had found her. Every moment beforehand had led me to her, and I was digging her presence and energy. She was different. I wasn’t just struck by her looks, but my soul was in awe, despite a short exchange of words. Of course, this idea seemed laughable at the time. Especially to someone like me whose longest relationship prior to this moment was with a box of pizza.
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When you catch a vibe with the right person, your energy will gracefully combine with theirs. You’ll feel connected and aligned to this person. Peace and Light will pervade all through you. Love is blind, so you will feel it brushing against your soul – leaving clarity in your heart but possible confusion in your mind. But remember, it’s not always supposed to make sense. Not right away. The Universe brings you together for a reason. It has a purpose for you, and a purpose for you with them, as a team. So, just enjoy the experience of falling in love at first vibe.
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#GoodVibesOnly #GVO

When my friend’s older cousin got out of jail, he gravitated back towards trouble. He was incredibly strong. Even without the steroids, he was an absolute monster. He wasn’t someone you wanted to cross – and this lesson was quickly learned when someone was racist to my friend.
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One night, there was thirty of us teenagers and my friend’s cousin, along with his "crew", who were ready to face this racist boy and his friends. Just before the fight was about to go down in a car park, one of the elder boys warned us that this wasn’t going to be pleasant. Despite this, we stuck around, with weapons in our socks.
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Eventually, a car pulled up with four guys inside. They saw that they were outnumbered. We even had more Staffordshire Bull Terrier dogs than them. My friend’s cousin approached the car and said he wanted to settle things with the boy who was racist to my friend. As this boy emerged, he was brutally beaten while everyone else watched. He was stamped on, slammed to the ground and smacked with nunchucks while screaming for his life.
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The elder boy was right; this was far from pleasant. The screams were traumatising, and all we could do is watch. The rage inside my friend’s cousin was insane. That night, the boy he beat up ended up on a life-support machine. Thankfully, he survived.
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But, he could have easily died that night. We could have easily gotten into a lot of trouble. After that night, I tried my best to avoid these situations and people. I wanted to be there because of my Ego, but I decided never to return because of my heart. I craved love, not war.
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When you stay around people who are driven by drama, your life becomes full of problems. Even if there isn’t one, they will find one and make you a part of it. You also draw in bad energy, make unhealthy decisions and consequently, create a destructive reality for yourself to live through.
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You have to be the energy you want to attract. If you desire to live a life you love, emanate love from your being. Be around those that encourage it, not those who urge you to remove it.
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#GoodVibesOnly #GVO

Daniel Goleman’s Ventilation Fallacy suggests that contrary to popular belief, venting when you’re angry doesn’t make you feel better, it just prolongs and amplifies your anger. You may think that it helps you get things off your chest, but all it does is aggravate you even more. You end up rewiring your neurological pathways and creating deeper negative ruts. As a result, negative thoughts come to you more easily.
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With anger, there’s not much cognitive thinking involved. Therefore, it’s not healthy to vent when angry. But, I believe it’s okay to vent when you’re sad. This is because you can discover the reason behind your sadness. I’ve written about this before and will revisit it in the future.
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Based on Daniel’s book Emotional Intelligence, here are his tips that I have developed so you can control your anger:
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DEEP BREATHS
Take deep breaths so you can switch your body from a high-arousal state to a low one. You want to bring your heart-rate down. You can do this using my 4-4-8 method. Take a deep breath in for 4 seconds. Then hold your breath for another 4 seconds. Finally, exhale for 8 seconds. Repeat this a few times until you start to feel a little more relaxed.
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REFRAME
Readjust your negative thoughts to something more empowering. Do this by making a note of each negative thought and then replacing it with something that positively challenges the idea. For example, if someone spills a drink on your top, the first thought that might come in your head is: "What an idiot – he’s ruined my top!" You could reframe this thought to: "It’s okay, accidents happen and it’s not the end of the world."
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PAUSE AND WALK
PAUSE and go for a walk (in nature preferably). Save your reaction for when you get back. Make this walk at least 15 minutes long – that means 15 minutes without a reaction to whatever was about to trigger you. In this time, do not think about what just happened. If negative thoughts enter the mind, reframe them like suggested above. It’s very likely that when you return, your reaction will be entirely different. If you’re in a confined space, like an office, simply walk away from your desk for a bit.
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#GoodVibesOnly #GVO

Every relationship is different. Some relationships may appear to be healthier than others, yet all of them require work. Sometimes people think that once you find someone, that's it - you don't need to put more effort in. This usually isn't the case.
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Let's look at the idea of your own company. When you first start a business, lots of work is required to get it going. Even once you reach a level of success that you're happy with, you have to carry on applying effort so that you can remain or go beyond the level that you're at. There might be periods where you don't drive as many sales, or face more obstacles. Most of the time these things occur to encourage changes. If you fail to apply efforts to bring your business back to the required level, it may fail.
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A relationship is no different. It requires consistent effort from both parties. There will be times where you have differences - you may see things from different perspectives or feel completely misaligned from your partner. There may be moments where it seems like they don't care, they're disrespectful, and they're extra annoying. All these feelings are common and can be experienced from time-to-time, regardless of how healthy your relationship is.
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However, these feelings are often temporary and usually occur when you're not on the same frequency as your partner. It doesn't always mean that you love them any less, even if the moment makes you feel differently. Too often people are quick to give up on their relationship because of the work required to fix it, or because they sense that it isn't "perfect." It doesn't need to be perfect; it just needs to be real (to you). A real relationship will make you realise that even after every disagreement, your relationship is more important than your differences.
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Remember, life is about growth; including relationships. After every fight or disagreement, you will learn something new about yourself and your partner. You will also learn about acceptance and forgiveness. These things will make your relationship stronger going forward. As a result, you will not only grow as a team but also as individuals.
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Artwork: @dvrkshines
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#GoodVibesOnly #GVO

I faced a lot of racism growing up. Although racism still exists, I’ve now noticed that most hatred actually comes from my own people. There's a lot of bitterness, jealousy and judgements within my community. There are a limited number of people that genuinely want you to be happy, and this is because the others are unhappy and dissatisfied with themselves.
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Online, it has been clear that a lot of these trolls are from my parents’ native countries (or around there). Some of these people are conditioned to think in a very destructive way, which prevents them from being accepting and loving towards others. Don’t get me wrong, there are many people who are supportive and kind too, but a lot of hatred comes from people who have been raised to have limiting beliefs.
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Some of these people are obsessed with hating on others. Sometimes, this is to the point where they dedicate a vast amount of time and energy to trolling, when they could be building their dreams. They have so many negative opinions about others but rarely take a look at themselves and what they could be doing better.
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I’d like to think my page has made a slight difference to those who may have been brought up and conditioned in this way. Usually, these people won’t even realise how toxic they are and how they have been subconsciously programmed to judge and undermine others. They too have been raised in a disempowering community, and they are a result of their surroundings.
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The simple solution to breaking out of this limited way of living is to FOCUS ON YOUR HAPPINESS. Your happiness doesn’t come from outside of you; it’s something that’s internal to you. If you keep working at it, not only will you feel better, you will become a better person, and your life will improve too. When you pay attention to others and what they are doing wrong, you are not focusing on what you could be doing right. You are dedicating yourself to others, rather than yourself. You are fixated on feelings of hate, rather than love. You end up living a very hostile life, full of misery. Vibe higher and elevate your life.
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#GoodVibesOnly #GVO

There will be times when people let you down. You might expect a sales assistant to be more helpful or your parents to feel sorry for you. When things don’t go the way you want them to, you may feel disappointed and hurt.
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We are always expecting the world to adjust to us and meet our needs. However, we can never control other people’s actions – only our own. How people act is merely a reflection of them, not you.
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Our expectations say a lot about us and reveal what we need to change within. For example, if your friend bails on you when you’re supposed to meet up, naturally, you might be saddened. If you start asking yourself why, you might realise it’s because you’re lonely. This loneliness is like a void that needs filling – by attention and love. You expected them to be there so you wouldn't feel alone.
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I’m limited with words here so I can’t go into this topic deeply. I also don’t expect you to drop all expectations – especially not overnight. Just realise that expectations can be a burden if your mind doesn’t react with an empowering thought, when things don’t go your way. We can better handle our expectations.
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Once you begin to reduce expectations and take things impersonally, you will feel freer. One way I try to do this is to assume the best in others. For example, if you hold the door open for someone and they don’t say thank you, you could tell yourself that there’s a good reason for this. Maybe they’re a great person but they’re just going through a tough time. This thought might make you feel more compassionate towards them. Each time you tell yourself a little story like this when someone lets you down, you begin to recondition your mind to remove expectation.
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As morbid as this sounds, if someone close to me disappoints me, I tell myself that it could be the last time I ever see or speak to them. This puts me in a state of gratitude and allows me to enjoy their presence, rather than focusing on what expectations of mine they’re not fulfilling.
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Finally, remember that no one is perfect, including yourself. People don’t always get it right. People are prone to be hurt by others, just as you are.
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Artwork: @elesq
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#GoodVibesOnly #GVO

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