We’re often our own worst critics, and I definitely struggle with being 10x more critical of my own work than anyone else would ever be. The same goes for music, although I’ve experienced such a wonderful change lately- ever since I accepted the uncertainty and shift of my career path and life goals, and really let go of the pressure I had been putting on myself to be great, my playing has improved in a kind of amazing way.
And it’s so funny- I found out yesterday that I won the FSU Doctoral Concerto Competition, which means I’ll be performing the Nielsen flute concerto with the University Symphony Orchestra next fall!
Life is so hilarious: throughout my undergrad I wanted to win a concerto competition SO BADLY but never did, and it was soul crushing every time I was awarded second or third place instead of first. It felt like such a dramatic failure. But I went into this competition with a completely, truly neutral mindset- if I won, great, if I didn’t win, great; I was just going to enjoy playing a great piece of music and whatever happened was fine with me. I didn’t over-practice or stress about it. To be honest, I didn’t think there was any way I would win competing against some of the best violinists, pianists, and other wind players I know, but it was fun to try anyways.
I know the win might be ironic to some, considering the content of my blog post from last week, but I honestly feel so much more at ease when I play lately and I guess that came across! And I am SO excited to come back to Tallahassee next fall to perform this concerto! 😄 #happydance