thefatjewish thefatjewish

3873 posts   10081044 followers   420 followings

thefatjewish  Emailio.Addresstevez@gmail You can't get an STD if you never get tested.

http://swishbev.com/

No Zuckerberg, I don't want to be friends with a girl I fingered at Jewish summer camp in 1998 that now has a kid named Hudson.

THE GUACAMOLE SONG CANNOT BE UNHEARD.

There's been a lot of protesting going on recently, but can we all agree that this kid is fucking great? I STAND WITH HIM.

Pro stoner tip: if you're gonna eat cereal, line the bowl with tin foil and then you don't have to wash it.

I BOUGHT 300 TICKETS TO SEE THE INSANE NEW MOVIE "GOOD TIME" (@goodtimemov) WITH ROB PATTINSON AND I'M GIVING THEM ALL AWAY, JUST BECAUSE I'M A GREAT AMERICAN. BE AT THE 68TH STREET AND BROADWAY AMC LOEWS THEATRE IN MANHATTAN THIS SUNDAY (8/20), THE MOVIE STARTS AT 4:30 AND I'LL BE THERE ANY TIME AFTER 3 WITH A GANG OF MY MUTANT INTERNS. IT'S FREE. COMPLETELY TOTALLY 100% FREE. THERE'S NO LIMIT, I'LL GIVE YOU 30 IF YOU COME WITH 30 PEOPLE. THIS IS NOT AN AD AND I DIDN'T GET PAID, I JUST REALLY REALLY LIKE THIS SHIT.

BE THERE, BUTTHEADS.

Ever wanted to tell someone to shut the fuck up, even when they weren't speaking?

DID HE WALK OUT OF THE FUCKING WOMB WITH SALT AND PEPPER HAIR READY TO NARRATE A NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC SPECIAL ON GLOBAL WARMING?

So many Uncles wearing sensible Mephisto shoes starting sentences with "no disrespect intended" and then saying some wild disrespectful shit

America is too intense right now, I'm gonna smoke a joint and watch this YouTube video of what happens inside your dishwasher after you turn it on.

NOW IT'S ALL NAZIS AND NUKES BRING BACK TIGER BLOOD

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is worse than a woman who just got back from a beach vacation/ semester abroad/ trip to Italy

This is actually scarier than the prospect of a nuclear missile landing directly on my fucking face. (@born_miserable)

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