thecurvynerd thecurvynerd

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Jamie  👑 #Soapmaker | #smallYouTuber 🎀 #Agoraphobic | #mentalhealthadvocate ⭐️ #PoTsie | #dysautonomia 🦄 #lupus 🦋 | #spoonie 🥄| #PTSD | #SdiT Puck 🐾 ❤️ | 🐩

💤 since Wednesday I have slept maybe five hours. Those were all this afternoon. 💤
Things I learned:
- while sleep deprived don’t make decisions - sleep deprivation causes more #pnes ( seizures )
- I need to work more on balanced sleep, eating, and etc. ( hard for me )
- I need to be kinder to myself. My new therapist counted 25 ways I put myself down in the first 20 minutes
- i’m trying to do this whole birthday weekend thing but it’s not working out well, lol - I wrote a post I want to put on Facebook but I’m scared. I feel much more comfortable here. Perhaps I will share in my stories or on here somewhere.
I love you all. You guys are so amazing. Your stories inspire me. Your caring touches me and makes me want to keep sharing, advocating, and making people realize that you don’t choose your illnesses. Unfortunately, they choose you!

My one goal today: RELAXING BATH 🛀
What’s your goal for the day?
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#goals #mentalhealthjourney #birthdayweek #sleepdeprived #insomnia #painsomnia #agoraphobia #cfsme #mecfs #fibromyalgia #fibro #lupus #spoonielife #ichoosepositivity #sdit #servicedogintraining #sleepisgood #dysautonomia #losehatenotweight #anxietydisorder #generalizedanxietydisorder #ocd #gad #panicdisorder #advocating #mentalhealthadvocate #bloggerbabes

Yes, it’s late. This is something I wrote a while ago. It’s still very relevant and true. #panicdisorder and #agoraphobia lock you in a prison. ALL I want for my birthday is a makeover because I feel like a shell of me — who I once was — I know it won’t happen but a girl can dream. At least I know I’m in a better place ( mentally ) this year. Enjoy 💜 #writerssupportingwriters #poetrycommunity #poetryofinstagram #poetsofig #mentalhealthjourney #darkpoetry #originalpoetry #poetrylovers #writersofig #writerscommunityofig #poetryfromthesoul #poetryislife #mylifeinwords #ptsd #cfsme #invisibleillnesses #poetrygram #poetryoftheday #writingistherapy 💜

#painsomnia plus #PMDD is keeping me awake. I used to write #poetry and #shortstories 24/7. Decided to get back to that..... really going to start trying to blog a lot of this. I still like the way this turned out. I’m thinking of doing it for every letter, LOL. Having a lot of night sweats, hot flashes, pain, migraines, depression, panic, etc. I know RATIONALLY it’s the #hormonalimbalance but uggg. So why not put pen to paper and amuse you ..... or me? #mentalhealthjourney #panicdisorder #lifeisagift #agoraphobia #agoraphobic #poetrycommunity #poetryporn #poetryofinstagram #poetrylovers #writingcommunity #writingismytherapy #darkpoetry #anxietydisorder #ptsd #ptsdawareness #mentalhealthblogger #poetryfromthesoul #cfsme #dysautonomia #endthestigma 💜

Thank you @realmofcaring for the amazing #handmadebirthdaycard — 🌷🌷 definitely made my day bright. It came exactly what I needed it. It was perfect. All the details of the card are exquisite. Thank you all! #birthdayweekend #birthdayweek #septemberbirthdays #gratefulforthesmallthings #ichoosehappy #lifeisagift #cbdoil #realmofcaring #thankyou #birthdaycard #mentalhealthjourney #mcad #pnes #cbdoilbenefits #cbdlife #holistichealing #lupus #autoimmunewarrior #ptsd #ptsdawareness

#chronicillness in all its glory — Oddly enough, this is probably the only picture I have of me sleeping. I’ve been feeling really rough the past few days and Rick shot a picture on one of my short naps. Chronic illness isn’t pretty. Chronic pain isn’t pretty. But, lots of people don’t get the help they need because of the opioid epidemic, etc. That doesn’t really affect me as much as some of my fellow #lupies as my #lupus protocol doesn’t really include opioids except for severe issues. The next picture is something that actually means a lot to me. It actually took 7 years before Rick said… I looked up lupus and did you know it can kill you? Obviously , I was aware. It wasn’t phrased the best but I was happy that he was taking interest and understanding/learning that I didn’t just like being in bed for the purpose of being in bed. Sometimes, I feel like I failed the genetic lottery or perhaps I won many random mutations. Back in #migrainehell today and my eye is swollen from #mcas reaction and #allergicconjunctivitis as well. I’m falling apart today but STILLLLLLL looking for the positives and trying to hold fast ( next post will be positive things from today ). I hope you’re all doing well. Love and many hugs. ( yesss my eye is swollen huge and it hurts! ) @princepucktheservicepup is loving on me! ❤️🐾 #cfs #cfsme #lupusawareness #fibro #mcas #allergictoeverything #chronicfatiguesyndrome #chronicillnesswarrior #livenotexist #tryingtobehappy #thrivenotsurvive #invisibleillness #agoraphobia #dysautonomia #bedselfie #sleepingselfie #selfcompassion #selfcarefirst #migraine #findingthejoyineveryday #allergictograss #mastcellactivationsyndrome #lifeisagift #pcos #pmdd

I’m REALLLLLY trying to do this right now. We are very very fortunate. Yes, we did sustain damage. No, we do not get any help because we are not in a disaster zone and our homeowners insurance deductible is too high for the claim. So, we will have to fix it before winter or all the pipes will freeze. Yes, it upsets me. Mostly, it upsets me because this is money that we had put to the side to help for Puck to get training next month. But, the under skirting is gone and it caused water under the floor causing more floor damage. Also, I’m sure that can cause mold. So, it has to be fixed. It is a first priority. I don’t know the cost. It’s under $2500 because I I thought our deductible was 1000 but it’s 2500. I will also be upgrading my insurance. But, I am thankful. I’m thankful we still have a place. I’m thankful for the moment we have stable power, water, Wi-Fi access. I’m thankful that hopefully stores will be getting fresh groceries soon and the mail be running. I’m also sad. The next pictures are where of my family were born, grew up, and some still live there. It’s where I went every single year. It’s actually my last name. Every person from my father’s side of the family back to the 1700s were born there. It’s gone. It’s devastated. They have nothing. They were a very small harvest town that thrived on a winery and muscadine 🍇 grapes. These people have nothing left. They are not worried about Wi-Fi. They are worried about food, water, and shelter. My heart breaks for them. My heart breaks for where I came from. My heart breaks for all those affected so much worse. Yes, I am nervous about what issues we have to deal with. We are still having flooding. But, I am thankful for what I have. This just reminds me to always try my best to find positives. Hugs and love. ❤️ #hurricaneflorence #gratefulmindset #wallacenc #duplinwinery #hurricane #invisibleillness #findingthepositive #ichoosejoy #ncstrong #prayfornc #flooding #iappreciateyou #inspirationalquotes #qotd #mindfulness #gratefulheart #tuesdaymotivation #attitudeofgratitude #mentalhealthblogger #bloggerbabe #tryingmybest #cfsme #wegohealthawards ❤️🙏🏻

I AM PROUD OF ME ❤️
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I am proud of myself. This is something I can’t imagine myself saying a year ago, 10 years ago, or 20 years ago. I used to care more about what other people thought. I always thought other people had to be proud of me for anything to count. I’m learning that is not true!
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Be proud of yourself. Be proud of yourself if you just made it through the day. Be Proud of yourself if you took a shower. Be proud of yourself if you just held it together. The point is…… You’ll realize that once you stop caring what other people think and start feeling your own worth that you feel amazing. .
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So BE PROUD OF YOURSELF!! What are you proud of today?
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#beproudofyou #invisibleillness #mentalhealthblogger #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthblogger #mentalhealthwarrior #lupus #fibro #potsie #dysautonomia #anxietydisorder #agoraphobia #agoraphobiarecovery #agoraphobic #panicdisorder #cfsme #goalgetter2018 #ihavebigdreams #dreambigger #beproudofyourself #ptsdawareness #ptsd #ptsdservicedog #servicedogintraining #medicalalertdog #birthdayweekbegins #cbdoilhelps #boporevolution #bopowarrior #losehatenotweight #allbodiesaregoodbodies

I’m not sure I ever thought I would be posting pictures like this again. For people who don’t know… Before my #panicdisorder spiraled into #agoraphobia I was an avid couponer and #dollartreelover ❤️ it seems rather fitting that the first store I went to when I was able to travel to a larger town was the #dollartree 🙏🏻🙏🏻 Puck was with me. I will definitely make a video of experience and a #dollartreehaul video. I did not get to go this week because I have been restricted on traveling due to #hurricaneflorence 💨💨 i’m extremely proud of myself. Previously, I would worry more about how much other people would be proud of me — So, I know I have grown. These are just a few of my favorite items that I picked up. For the rest you will have to wait for the video. But, a good hint is that I got things that will give me a dollar tree spa day for my birthday next week. I’m so happy to be able to share this continue to work on my #agoraphobiarecovery ❤️ #mentalhealthblogger #ptsdawareness #overcomer #goalgetter2018 #becomingabetterme #dollartreefinds #dollartreecommunity #dollartreelover #dollartreehaulers #dollartreeobsessed @wetnwildbeauty #cfsme #fibro #potsie #dysautonomia #lupus #mentalhealthadvocate #mentalhealthwarrior #mentalhealthjourney #endthestigma #anxietydisorder #servicedogintraining #ptsd #ptsdservicedog 🦋🦋

🎈 Pre-Birthday Week Manicure 🎈
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In one week I’ll age another year ( well really another day ). I’m trying my best to be positive this year. So, I thought I’d start a week in advance with a “sapphire” manicure since it’s my birthstone. .
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Soooooo much has gone on in the past few days that I find it hard for me to settle my mind. I’m so sad for those that have lost everything ( including their lives ). I’m trying to get life back on track ( and out from under water ) here. .
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Still — I’m trying to remain positive. I’m POSITIVE that I’m in a better place mentally than last year. I’m POSITIVE that I am advocating for myself and others with invisible illnesses and Agoraphobia/panic Disorder etc. .
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I feel like I am finally slowly making the change in my chrysalis and I’ll emerge stronger than ever. ( Wow, that got deep for a manicure picture). .
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#hurricaneflorence #ncstrong #sapphire #mentalhealthblogger #mentalhealthadvocate #invisibleillness #advocating #knowyourworth #agoraphobia #panicdisorder #anxietydisorder #anxietyprobs #cfsme #lupus #fibro #selfcare #selflovejourney #losehatenotweight #boporevolution #dysautonomia #mentalhealthmatters #becomingabetterme #becomingabutterfly #metamorphosis #goalgetter2018 💜🦋

( The picture is the yard in my neighborhood ) also, current road closures and post office closures. 💨💨 Every post office within miles of me is closed due to #hurricaneflorence . At first I was freaking out because I have soap orders packaged and ready to go. — then I realized… If mail cannot get to me then certain supplies and prescription medications ( that I severely need ) can’t get to local pharmacies. I’m going to try to call places tomorrow and see if they are even open. I seriously doubt it as they’ve already closed school ( which I assumed since everywhere is flooded ). As soon as post office is open again I will get orders out. Please bear with me. I’m slightly actually more than slightly anxious because I was going to get myself a new heating pad for my birthday but Amazon can’t deliver and I kind of got sick on my other one and shorted it out. I know that is simple compared to what others are dealing with. I still don’t know the extent of our damage because it’s a flooded swamp here. Im not agile on dry land. Thank you for your continued prayers and good thoughts. Please continue to remember those that were affected far far worse. It is catastrophic for North Carolina. People have lost everything including their lives. I’m trying to get a list of legitimate charities working with the National Guard to get supplies to those that are most affected. Love and hugs ❤️❤️ #postofficeisclosed #hurricanedamage #grateful🙏 #prayfornorthcarolina #ncstrong #northcarolinacoast #hurricanes #hurricaneseason #ichoosejoy #turnarounddontdrown #agoraphobia #panicdisorder #cfsme #dysautonomia #potsie #fibro #lupus #libragirl #septemberbirthday #findingthegood #hurricaneprep #invisibleillness #mentalhealthblogger #mentalhealthadvocate #wegohealthawards #panicattacks #anxietyproblems #highlysensitiveperson

🛀 Self Care Rituals 🛀 .
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In a time of such uncertainty and after coming off super high alert due to #hurricaneflorence — I did one of my much needed #boringselfcare activities. When you have severe #depression or severe #anxietydisorder sometimes baths are not so relaxing. I used to want to live in the tub. However, I had a major #panicattack during a bath and I am working very hard to make it my happy place again. .
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I try to make it very ritualistic. I put some #lavenderessentialoil in the tub and afterwards I used the @drteals #bodybutter 🦋 typically, I like to use what I make but this is infused with #magnesium and I have #magnesiumdeficiency Plus it has lavender essential oil and is amazingly hydrating.
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My hair has gotten so long and thick that the majority of the bath is dedicated to taming the mane. So, I think I will have one bath where I spend most of the time on my hair. Then, tomorrow night I will relax, put my hair up, and just use some #epsomsalts and lavender. .
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People take this symbol luxury for granted. I am very lucky. I do not know what extent of damage we have. I will survey that tomorrow. However, I am able to have a bath in my house. Little things can be luxury is when realize what people do not have. I’ve lived in #NorthCarolina all my life. Some of my best friends are in the most affected areas. I pray for their safety. .
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#ncstrong #selfcareroutine #selfcareritual #hygeine #drteals #magnesium #bathtimeselfie #begrateful #agoraphobia #lupusflare #fibro #hurricane #servicedogintraining #autoimmunedisorder #sjogrenssyndrome #ibs #ptsd #cptsd #cfsme #recoveryispossible 💜🙏🏻

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