[TW: mental health, depression, bipolar disorder]
I had an amazingly funny and wonderful saturday and paid for it by sleeping all sunday (I know that it sounds like exaggeration, but when I say "all", I mean that I woke up at 7:30 pm.) I was tired and felt weird - actually I felt nothing - so I went to bed a few hours later. I could sleep 24/7 just so I don't have to think about the change of my personality and the mood swings that my mood stabilizers cause. nno pun intended.
today I woke up and one second later I already felt anxious. there was no reason for my anxiety to kick in - it just did. as I was already feeling bad, I decided to make a dreadful phone call and talk to my health insurance company. the news: I am not insured anymore, because the job center is not able to get anything done. lovely. I had a complete breakdown, wasn't able to start crying and made my mum cancel my doctor appointments because I was sobbing too hard to call anyone. now I'm sitting at my neurologist's waiting room wondering how I'm gonna pay for it. I need doctors' appointments, medication and therapy. I have no idea when I will have my health insurance back. since january I haven't received any money. my mum slipped me a few bank notes so I am able to buy food. this is my reality right now.
so I'm not trying to make you feel sorry for me. I'm just trying to raise awareness, because even when I knew about depression and its symptoms, I didn't know that my life could look like this one day.