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tak.tahu tak.tahu

107 posts   631 followers   363 followings

p i j n  I'm the ethereal pain you've been craving for.


Vanaf de dag dat ik geboren ben, voelt het
leven tegenstrijdig en intens,
Ik heb me nooit thuis gevoeld in mijn eigen huid of het gevoel
Gehad ergens bij te horen.

Selamat Hari Ayah, Pa. Thank you for inheriting butt chin and short gene to me. Nevertheless, I always love you.

zonder woorden

"Aku Ingin"
aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana;
dengan kata yang tak sempat diucapkan
kayu kepada api yang menjadikannya abu

aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana;
dengan isyarat yang tak sempat disampaikan awan kepada hujan yang menjadikannya tiada.
Hujan bulan Juni, oleh Sapardi.

I still remembered the paved road on one small town in Europe, Place where it feels like home to my soul. Decided that I am tired of running, and hiding - I'm not looking for an escape. My broken bones and bruised skin need a shelter, to hide from the tsunami raging from my own vision.
Close your eyes, close my eyes, it'll be okay.
I am soon to be home.

I still remember the first time I talked with this princess on the phone, it was a video call and she would tilt her head to see me - and later hides herself because she's shy. She would wear a red McQueen' slipper mixed with a pink dress. She loves singing to frozen and jumping on a newly bought trampoline placed on their summer home in France.
Her eyes are clear like the blue sky, her cheeks are red and her hair is curly. She would try to talk to me in English and all I would try to do is to hold my google translator to try talk back in Dutch. Beautiful is what she is, a resemblance of her mother' eyes and her dad' hair - her grandmother' name.
How much I miss this precious girl, I never get to see her even if I want to - and I still recall our last conversation was me promised to visit her with a sack full of missed birthdays and christmas. It never happened. We don't know you that well, you don't belong here - that's what they said.
Sometimes in life you get to fall in love with people, things, anything - that isn't entitled to you. And you, J. B. P - I have fallen head over heels for you. And one day, I'll have to fulfill my promise, even if it takes the whole out of me to do it. Because I love you, and you turned my miserable life into a magical realm - even if we're both "strangers".

This going to be a long post, here we go. A few days ago my close friend had encountered some unpleasant events in her life, instead of posting it on social media she decided to do something called "Internet Detox". It's basically not posting anything for a period of time - like a hiatus and also deleting some people from her account. Apparently it has given her a very good feedback. She gets the sense of self acceptance and in no longer need for validation from other people regarding her life - whether good or bad. She's to one who lives, fights and survives in it.
Well, I'm intending to do the same, for those who are being unfollowed by me - worry not. I am going to write an elaborate reasons why.
1. We don't communicate after we followed each other, yes - just like Charlie Puth' song, we don't talk anymore. What's the use of social media when all you do is stray from people instead of connecting with them?
2. You followed me just so you can send bad comments or talk about my life behind my back. This is true and I don't mind, they are called haters. But what hurts me the most is that I am befriended with these kind of people who just want to let me down. I have enough of negativity in my life. So it's time to move on.
3. We used to be friend but then we had a fight and you hold grudges. Please, don't be this kind of person. It's time to move on from all bad things that happened in the past. But well, I'm just giving an advice. If I think you're still holding grudges against me what can I say? Even god is hated by Satan.
I'm going to be on a hiatus for a little while, my life is drastically changing in these past few months - both good and bad. To those who get unfollowed, I don't mean to hurt you - I just need to detox negativity out of my life. If you feel offended or you think we are friends but I mistook it, or haven't gotten a follow back from me, please write to me - on my DM or Blog. I am always open. Thank you so much for all the people who has been supporting me all these time. I am more than grateful. No heartfelt - guys! I am also won't be making my Instagram private because it is linked to my blog and this is the only Instagram I have. Love, B.

I'm only out to hurt myself. when realizing I'm having a bleeding wounds I demand people to put salt in it. I should've put my heart on the leash, should've kept locking my own door to keep me from going.

And I've inked my skin with the thoughts of you, yet I couldn't do without seeing the tan on my fourth finger. If this ever crossed your mind, I wonder if I'll feel guilty if I did the same to you.

When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window, and I'll be gone
You're the reason I'm a-traveling on
But I wish there was somethin' you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
But we never did too much talking anyway
But don't think twice, it's all right.

and it's always been you, the one who never had a good enough reason just to let me stay.

wenn du wüsstest, ich brauche nur ein bißchen Moment mit dir bevor ich mich verliere.

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