#youngwidow

MOST RECENT

I talk a lot about faith and fear and courage and healing, but I still have really hard days. I lose my faith over and over again. I am filled with overwhelming sadness on a regular basis. I am so very broken and searching for answers. I will not tell you that I know it all about trusting God no matter what because I still struggle to trust that His plans are better than mine. 💗
That’s why it’s so important for me to continually absorb books and blogs and other resources to help remind me of His promises when I’m struggling to trust Him. This new book, #intothedeep is one such resource I’m so glad to have found. 💗
I’m so proud to be on the launch team for this book by @lauren_inspires and I encourage you to check it out at http://www.laurengaskillinspires.com/into-the-deep-book/

#intothedeep #intothedeepbook #faithoverfear #hopeandhealing #widowwarrior #youngwidow #griefjourney #griefandloss #griefandhealing

Oops! Missed a few days so combining them all into one. #imissyou #iloveyou #inlovewithaghost #youngwidow #gratitude

What's coming next? Whatever it is, I'm open to it!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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I love the idea that life is unpredictable. Can you imagine how boring it would be if we always knew what was coming our way?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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Snooze fest. (Not that I don’t love a good nap!)⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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What would you love to see pop up next in your life?

Well here we are folks. Hell week. The 24th is the last full 24 hours I was a wife.
The last day before my life took an expected turn and I was placed on this path instead. .
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I want to talk about what I went through that week, but I hate how much I’ve been focused mentally on the death story, my thoughts, feelings, and the events from that week (because it was a week) so while I’ll share some of that, I want to share about my love.
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My husband was goofy, and he left me be goofy too. He loved me exactly as I was, my judgmental, type A, organized, obsessive self. He let me be me. He was also so unapologetically himself - he didn’t give a fuck about what society had to say about expectations. It takes some balls to throw a middle finger up to society and rules. It honestly drove me nuts sometimes (see Type A personality above) but I was so impressed and envious of the ease he had at being himself in all situations.
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There are times when I get a little wrapped in my head on meeting expectations of others - and I strive to be a little more like him. .
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Here’s a fun memory of me watching my husband learn how to shave with a safety razor, I was creeping so he tapped my upper lip with some shaving cream ... love this weirdo moment ... Just look at those beautiful big brown eyes of his ... fuck I miss those eyes. . 💜
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#love #loss #grief #dealingwithloss #inspiration #griefjourney #missyou #youngloss #widow #youngwidow #healing #seeyouontheotherside #loveyoualways #strength #fulfillingourpromise #fulfillingourdreams #adventure #loveyou #dealingwithgrief #newnormal #lifeafterloss #Findingpeace

Widowhood is a chronic condition. It’s not grief. The grief was about my husband’s life and death. Widowhood is about managing my issues and emotions that are chronic and persistent. It will be 4 years in November and I’m still dealing with being a widow all the time. #HellaWidowAF #widowsofinstagram #WidowPTSD #YoungWidow #WidowFeels #hella❤️joiedevivre

Because widows love emotional triggers caused by forms. If filling out one less form makes me thankful, I’ll take it. We’ll see if this makes my year end #WidowGratitude list #WidowJoy #WidowSarcasm #HellaWidowAF #widowsofinstagram #WidowPTSD #YoungWidow #WidowHumor #WidowFeels #hella❤️joiedevivre

At the age of 30 the life I thought I was supposed to have was ripped apart from me. My best friend, my forever partner, my children’s father, my loving husband... taken from us without any warning. I lost a part of my heart, I lost hope in growing old with the one I loved, lost my partner who was supposed to be there to raise our children together... I was broken, I was lost, I was confused- but with it all, I knew God had big plans for me and our boys. Now fast forward 3.5 yrs after the lost of Steve... I found the courage to start dating. Steve and I have been together for a total of almost 10 yrs so the thought of dating was so foreign to me. I gave it a try and had my ‘heart broken’ a couple times. After almost giving up, I gave it another try.. .
After our third date, I knew Brian was someone special that God had brought into my boys and my life. It’s strange how God works in our lives, all the pain and suffering I had gone through, and the love I was able to find again- all part of his plan. I didn’t think I could find another love after the life altering event my boys and I went through... but God gave me a second chance. Steve will always be apart of our lives and I am so grateful of the one He choose for us. Brian knows the ins and outs of my life and marriage with Steve and he continues to embrace me and the boys with love and support. I know he will never make me feel bad for missing Steve; I hope Steve is smiling down at this new chapter I am about to embark. .
On Saturday 9/22/18, I said Yes to a new chapter, a new love, to new beginnings.. I am excited, nervous, and sad, but most of all I am hopeful. I know it won’t be perfect, but I know I’ll have a partner to do life with again. I love two men, Brian, my present and future, and Steve, my past, and one who will always be a part of me.
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#widow #youngwidow #isaidyes #lifeafterloss #loveafterloss #chapter2 #findingloveagain

Donated 8 bags of my late husband's clothes (from the closet in the spare room- out of sight, out of mind I guess) and one bag of maternity clothes (widowed and 40- doubt I will ever need those again). Dropped off at a local church clothes drop. It hurt to do it. So many memories as I bagged it all up. But it is time to move forward.

#widow #widowmilestones #youngwidow #widowedlife #widowedmom #widowedandyoung #widowedlifesucks #memories #donate #movingforward #gettingreadyforthenextchapter #upstateny

I thought I had donated all of my late husband's clothes. I forgot about a large closet upstairs. Filled 9 trash bags (though one was my maternity clothes. Yeah, widowed and 40, I don't think I will be needing those again). I laid a few items on the bed and this little guy immediately lies down on them. I do believe that animals are intelligent beings and I think he was missing his father. 😭💔🐱 #grief #love #widow #youngwidow #widowmilestones #death #loss #lossofspouse #petsofinstagram #catsofinstagram #cats_of_instagram #closetpurge #donate #forward #movingforward #preparingforthnextchapter

I have never quite understood the people who post happy things in the midst of being unhappy. Specifically things like when their relationship is struggling or failing, when their family life has gone awry, when they’re having issues with friends, stressful work situations, or any of the endless possibilities. Is it all just a facade to keep the outside world content? Are they masking their lives so questions won’t arise? Does the positive feedback of the internet keep them pushing forward at a time when strength is hard to come by? Maybe it’s all of these, maybe it’s some combination, or maybe it’s none of those at all. One thing I know, it’s definitely not me. I tend to lay it out there because it’s what helps me the most.
With that said, I’m struggling. Right now, this week, this month, this year has been difficult. There have been a lot curveballs thrown my way. I strive to seek out goodness and positivity, and aim to encourage others. There are no golden tickets though. Negative people and occurrences will prey upon all humans with complete equality. No one is to remain unscathed. I haven’t quite figured out what’s going on in my own world yet. I’ve had really good days, but somehow have become more sensitive to the bad ones. It takes me longer to recover from them (if I get past them at all). At times this negativity lingers in my chest, weighing heavy on my soul and eating away at my thoughts. Much like this photo I tend to feel lost among many in a vastness of blank space.
Is delayed grief a thing? If so hang on for the ride, darlings, because I’m bringing you all with me as I learn that it’s okay to not always be okay. 🖤
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#darlingholdmetightly #hivvy #write #writer #womenwhowrite #writersofinstagram #writersofig #words #widow #widowed #widowhood #widowedandyoung #widowlife #lifeafterloss #youngwidow #grief #lifeafterlove #griefjourney #notokayisokay #hardtimes #overcome #onedayatatime #grieving #delayedgrief #widowwarrior #strength #strong #lifeshard #stress #pushinthrough

"Suck it up buttercup - this is honest" #reblog
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"So, I have been told that my writing is very sad. Huh. Really? It’s a little hard to make writing about a dead guy a ton of laughs. Although, in our family, we do laugh about the tragedies of life every chance we get – because that is a big part of the way that that we have survived.

Guess what? Death sucks. It is really hard and really sad – and not just right when the person dies or for a few month or even a few years after. It is always sad. And hard. Always. Life goes on, life gets easier, the loss is more manageable – that’s all true. But it is never not sad, it is never easy. How could it be? In our case,...
(Link in bio to this post and lots of others)

Unintentional Survivor blog link in bio
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🌀Look for me on Facebook and Twitter 🌀
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Follow! Like! Share! Comment and let me know what you think! .
Love•Loss•Laughter
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Love never dies ❤️
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#grief #loss #love #youngwidow #widow #survivor #widower #griefjourney #griefsupport #seattle #seattleblogger #spiritjunkie #relationships #breakup #heartache #heartbreak #childrensgrief #secondfirsts #chapter2 #manifest #writer #instablogger #womenstories #womenempowerment #badass #parenting #baby #singleparent #hope

MOTIVATION MONDAY: Beginning of week 2 of my personal training. I feel externally & internally stronger and have a bit more endurance. Really focusing on building my healthy mental, physical, and spiritual foundation. Im motivated by dreams of where I want to be 1 year from now. I fight to stay focus asking myself throughout each day: is what Im doing right now putting me on track to where I want to be in 1 year? When I lost my Jam, I began a grief journey that initially had me going every which way but up. I’m still in my grief journey, but these days I am focused on keeping myself mentally, spiritually, and physically healthy. Praying, reading the Word, going to Meet Up Activities, spending quality time with family and friends, crying under the covers for a day, sitting still with calm music, sitting still binging on Netflix, going to my favorite pizzeria (UNO’s Spinacolli Pizza), juicing, eating soup, applying for jobs, discovering new places, sitting in nature, my gym workouts....the list is endless but the goal is the same: how am I promoting self care in this moment? Is what Im doing a step towards my goals a year from now? An old me died when my husband died. An EVOLVED me showed up the minute after. I had the HONOR of being with my husband when he left this earth. We were always together in life, & God gave me the gift of being by his side when he left this earth. And the beautiful thing our true love and friendship: it lasts long after death. Because death brings new life in many many ways. I am still learning them. Sometimes it’s hard to even accept them. But b/c Im God’s daughter, b/c Im James & Karen Jordan’s daughter. B/c Dolly Mae Goggins & Ruby Simpson Jordan are my grandmothers, Because June Evelyn Lawson is my Aunt/Honorary Grandmother, I am a WINNER and a SUR_THRIVER. These individuals and a host of other family and friends raised me. I am the prime example of “It takes a village to raise a child”. I have & continue to conquere things in life and when life knocks me down, by the grace of God I ALWAYS choose to get back up #youngwidow #loss_surthriver

Happy Monday!!! May you find beauty in today 💙

The biggest thing I've learned in widowhood journey is that I'm capable of doing really hard, uncomfortable things. 👊 What's your biggest takeaway so far?

Fall is in the air, my friends. And it's my faaaaavorite!⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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What is your favorite season and why?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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(Oh and by the way my 5 Day Free Confidence Challenge Starts today. See the link in my bio. All widowed moms are welcome!)

When it comes to loving yourself I really look inside and what I do for myself. How do I treat my body and soul. I love looking fresh, clean, conscious, aware and elegantly sexy. Probably something I took from my mother and my father who would always say that a woman should feel beautiful without putting anything on her face and not being too naked to be liked and many other things he used to tell me that I keep as a rule without any real effort.
Nourishing your body and soul for me is the most important thing and I won’t lie that looking good and being dressed well is something I really love. Simple, effortless most of the times and sometimes (very rear with more effort and glam).
I also believe that when we go through something that hurts us or makes not want to do anything about ourselves that’s when it’s best doing it even more because it helps you get away from the negativity of the mind and losing yourself in doing nothing and looking like a bum (which I also have done and still sometimes do especially after being my husbands carer for 2 years and then losing him all-together).
So I try and do my best for myself and none else, but also priceless when I see my 3 year old boy looking at me with seeing me happy no@matter what and with a wow on his face when I get dressed to go out sometimes, and checking me out (like his dad used to do) when I get all pampered and saying “oh wow mama”
I say cover your crying after with a smile!!!
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#loveyourself #pamper #consciousliving #wonder #chronicles #beingamum #singleagain not by choice #youngwidow #living #makinganeffort #lovinglife #goingout #selfaware #beauty #naturalbeauty #zeromakeup #beingmyself #life #griefprocess #learninghowtolivewithoutyou #walkthetalk #nofear #stronger #olderbutwiser #woman #singlemom #widow #nothingcanstopme #happybutsad

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