I woke up this morning to be called a farce, a disgrace, superficial, a sheer contradiction to yoga, preoccupied with the exterior, blah, blah, blah. I am so sick of trying to prove myself to other people and fight back against harsh judgements. Maybe I just need to accept that I have never been someone to make other people feel comfortable, meaning, for whatever reason I have always pushed people's buttons just by being me. I'm pushy, meaning, I push myself, I push boundaries, I ask and ask of myself, of other people and of my world. I do not quit.
I don't have conventional views and I don't fit nicely in a box. I am not here to make you feel better about yourself by spouting affirmations and platitudes or telling you what you want to hear. I am here to challenge you. Yes we need to learn how to think kind and gentle thoughts about ourselves and our world, but we must also be brave enough to see the truth especially when it's ugly and unflattering. Yes, we must love and forgive ourselves and our world, but we must also break the chains of destructive behaviors and stop coddling the ego. I don't believe that we need to be spoonfed a baby version of spirituality that is easy to digest. I believe no matter where you are and what your life situation is you are yearning for the deepest and most authentic connection possible. I believe in your greatness and I will never speak to your smallness. I believe you are better than that. I see your potential, not your faults. I sit with positive expectation for the future, not the heavy baggage of the wounded past. I steel myself against the nasty storms but I keep a heart soft enough to sway with the gentle winds.
For me the spiritual path has always been an epic inner battle and I wanted to be my own Khaleesi. I was once a victim to the cruel world at large and I recast myself as the hero of my own life story. I knew that I'd need both to believe in myself and to practice with my whole heart. In other words, for me, it's about equal parts grace and grit, fire and water, fierceness and compassion. I am a walking contradiction. But aren't we all? 🙏