Looking back, I still hear these giggles. Three years ago, B at age two, a family of virtually opposite schedules. Today, that still remains. This would be the start of B writing a giant X on our front door, like a gatekeeper, of no pass-through, in hopes we would all spend more time together. Three years later, it seems we've only added to such divide. The start of kindergarten, a full day at that. Additions to my teaching, writing, and photographing schedule. Steve in full swing of furniture building -- sometimes it can feel like everything is up in the air. How to keep track of it all. I have a hard time committing to things, people, and places because our family business schedule runs in present time, even at the drop of a hat. I'm certainly grateful for this untraditional way of life, there's no manual, sometimes no security. Some days feel like a grand chase, which is exciting and scary all at once. Some days I wonder if I'm doing this right. And I don't mean right as in vs wrong, rather right on this path. I guide people to balance on their mat/in life, yet my life is a reflection of juggle. Maybe that's simply a part of my balance. It's strange to have so many avenues and balls and challenges and yet feel wildly at peace with it all. Maybe it's because we ridiculously love what we do. Sometimes I think my mind attempts to question as if to say, "you must stress like the rest, you must do like the rest." Believe me, I do. At times. And I feel it coming, like a boil to a lifted lid.
This has been a major growing pain of year; we've moved, B in school has been challenging (the obvious misses of mom and me days and also not obvious like handling other behaviors and school grinding in the public system), and we spend much less time than I ever imagined. Perhaps this is why I'm such a homebody, because time. It's like a family-body. Because dancing, singing, cooking, telling jokes, funny faces, making messes, and being that weirdo family with no pants is something that only happens in the moment. And when it's all three of us, it's all that really matters.
Time, it is misleading. We think we can bank it, but we can only live it. #family