If I’m being honest, I’m terrified of getting married again. .
And it’s not because of the man I’m choosing to marry. Believe me, I know I’ve got it good. .
But I guess I’m recognizing that as human beings, before we make any big commitment, we almost always feel an immense amount of fear. And like so many others my fear stems from seeing marriages fail since I was young. I witnessed my own parents divorce when I was 7, and since then, several friends. I especially felt its wrath when the water starting sinking my own ship a few years ago. After which I declared my independence from marriage “forever!”, and memorized 4 Taylor Swift songs (…totally funny in hindsight). My point is, I am no stranger to painful relationships and bleeding ends. They feel infinite and slowly etch scars that last a lifetime. I know this and I’m familiar. .
Even still, I’ve figured out that in order for me to make big shifts, I need to be scared. I need to feel the cold under my feet and the fire in my chest. I need to caress the toggle of time inching closer to the day I jump off the ledge and into a new life. I need to stop running, and simply fall forward. Because if there’s anything I’ve learned from those past experiences, it is that my nerves are the starting point for any courageous, brave, and vulnerable decision I’ve ever made. They are the catapult of great change, and the barrier I break before I grow. .
Which is important because my Grandmother always said, “if you ain’t growin, you’re dyin…” and I intend on being around for a long time, ideally hand-in-hand, with the man I love. .
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