Tonight my yogi tea bag said, "If you let yourself be successful, you shall be successful." I often feel these tea bags are just full of newagey platitudes, but this one actually struck home a bit.
I am not disregarding the fact that "success" comes in many shapes and varieties, and sometimes what appears as "success" is actually just white male privilege, whereas someone who "should" have success doesn't get it because they've been dealt society's sinister card of "you're not as worthy as this other human being..." Privilege is always something necessary to keep in check.
AND, within all of that I am also finding that if I think I deserve something, if I truly believe deep down that I am worthy of success--whether that's pleasure in the bedroom or paying clients--then success comes to me.
But when I'm carrying around those self-limiting beliefs systems created by the communities and systems I've been indoctrinated in, or created by my own internalization of what is "okay" and what is not, then it's a lot harder to actually have my successes, no matter how bad I think I want them or how desperate I am to make them happen.
Take sexual pleasure with my partner as an example. I wanted it. I dreamed about it. I desired it, and if you would have asked me if I deserved it I would have said yes. But deep down inside there was a part of me who did NOT believe I deserved it, who thought licking and fucking was disgusting, and that partnership is dangerous,l. So did I get much success in the pleasure department? No. Not really.
It wasn't until I worked on the limiting belief systems created by trauma and religious suppression of sexuality that I could start experiencing pleasure, albeit the process was slow.
Now I'm doing the same line of work in the realm of business and money, and wow have parts of my unworthiness and undeservingness been triggered! But I recognize that every day if I allow myself to have success, to celebrate the mini-wins, and to recognize the progress, then I am in fact becoming successful.
It's wild what our belief systems can do for us, and how much they can shift, but only when we are in touch with everything that is underneath the surface.