POSTPARTUM RECOVERY: The Fourth Trimester.
the things that they don’t prepare you for are real and hard. the hormone surges, the adrenaline coursing through your veins, the long, slow process that is adjusting into your post baby body.
i had been afraid of having an epidural because my reaction to drugs is very intense. the first four days of my recovery process were spent reminding my body that my legs were part of it.
i had a second degree tear and my labia were so swollen that i could barely sit.
i am anemic, so my OB immediately prescribed me iron tablets as a supplement.
the L&D nurses had said that they had never seen so much amniotic fluid come out of a woman before. i was very dehydrated, and ice chips and water only got me so far.
two days after giving birth i went home with my family. that’s when the frustration began to set in.
i had felt so limited during the final weeks of pregnancy, and all i wanted was to be able to load the dishwasher or make my own bed.
that still hasn’t happened.
i’m healing and it’s hard.
i have to pressure wash my whole undercarriage every time i pee. pooping is an ordeal. i smell funny, like hospital garbage, like a sterilized fart.
my uterus is shrinking and my boobs are swollen with the milk that my baby can’t get enough of.
i tried to go for a walk with my family the other day and my mom had to practically carry me back into my house.
and i cry. over all of the things.
but i laugh, too, and i am incredibly happy.
it’s a whole new world.
everyone wants to visit and hold my baby.
it’s great, but it leaves me exhausted right now, and planning shit for other people’s benefit is not my job anymore. my shoulders ache constantly, and i am so sick of sitting. i am fucking tired. and the rest of the world just doesn’t seem to get it.
this is why maternity leave is a thing, and also why it should be longer than 12 weeks for most women with 9-5 jobs.
so, excuse me if i disappear into the void. i really owe no one an explanation for it, but if i did it would be this:
i am off duty. i deserve rest and peace. transitions are difficult, and sometimes they don’t need to be documented.
i will be back when i am back.