I sometimes wonder if dreams are small tender mercies where we can connect with our loved ones. There's definitely a difference between a dream and a visitation in my opinion.
I'm not sure if this is too personal to share, but if it can help one person who's struggling with a recent loss, then it's worth sharing.
The day after Chase's funeral was a Sunday. I had gotten to Idaho late Saturday night and was so exhausted from the week that was so life changing for me. Sunday morning I was still dragging and I wanted to be alone, so I went upstairs to rest for a bit. As I drifted off, I realized Chase was sitting at the edge of my bed to my right. I remember I kept saying to him, "you can't be here...you just died." He kept reassuring me that it was him and that he'd be here for Jack and I, and that everything would be ok. At this point I was hysterical, begging him to forgive me...I kept telling him I loved him and I didn't want this to be real. He touched my leg and I felt his warmth shoot through my body. There's no doubt in my mind that he was right beside me. We kept exchanging, "I'm sorry's" and "I love you's" and then I woke up. This dream has always stuck with me, because it's nothing I've ever experienced. I truly believe it was Chase telling me that I was going to be ok, because in that moment I didn't know how I'd ever survive his death.
I know our loved ones are aware of our pain and anguish, and I know they are so, so close. I still have those days where the pain is deep, and the regrets consume me, but I know he sees the big picture, and I know someday we will get that second chance. 📷: @simplysuzys