Forgive me for saying this, but this weighs heavy on my heart.
I regret that I ever took that Ancestry DNA test. What was supposed to be something fun and interesting turned into something that would cause me nothing but heartache and overwhelming depression this last year and a half.
I love the family I have met. All of them. The siblings, the parents, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, and everyone in between. I'm glad I met them. I'm glad they're in my life.
But at the same time, I feel like it's taken a huge chunk out of who I am, who I thought I was, who I want to be.
I don't feel like I belong to any family now. The brother and sister I met, I feel like I was just an after thought. They had already met, established a relationship, and here's me, barging in to what they already had. I don't feel as though I have a connection to either one, because they have each other, they don't need me. I see the relationship they have and it makes me jealous.
I feel like I've lost the relationship I had with my real (adoptive) family. I am scared that my parents and the siblings I grew up with resent me because I've met biological family. I am scared they think that I've replaced them.
I'm scared that I will turn out to have all of the bad qualities from each side, and none of the good.
I feel like a bad secret that no one wants to talk about. I feel like I was robbed and cheated out of knowing siblings. Siblings who I'm pretty sure don't give a fuck either way.
No one wants to acknowledge that these family reunions have negative impact on the people involved. Maybe not all, but some. They expect you to be happy, because that's all they want to see. It makes good television.
I wish I could go back in time and save that 100 dollars and spend it on something else. But I can't. So instead, I'll agonize over things that I can't change.
I love the family I've met, but I don't know if I'll ever feel like I belong anywhere. I thought I knew who I was, before all of this. Now I'm not so sure. #rant #adopted #adoption #ancestrydna #foundling #emo #regret #allthefeels #whyamilikethis #adopt #adoptedkid #adoptedkids #abandonedbabies