I met my husband 12 years ago today. My heart was whole and hopeful. A year and four days later my heart was full to bursting as I knelt across the altar with him. 4 1/2 years later he told me about his pornography "problem" and my heart was shattered. 3 years ago tomorrow I found out that he hadn't taken care of his "problem" like he had led me to believe, and that it was more than a problem, but an addiction, and my heart shriveled up. Three excruciating years, of relapses and set-backs, fighting and drama, hopelessness and despair, as well as boundaries and recovery work, humility and honesty, openness and connection... and now my heart is finally feeling like this. Whole but with marks that show where it's been -marks that are still beautiful in their own right. Although I can never go back to who I was, I'm okay with what I am, and excited for what I'm becoming. The same can be said for our relationship. It is better in certain ways than it ever was, and that gives me HOPE.
#kintsugi #betrayaltrauma #broken #wholeagain