I've always felt more comfortable behind the camera, it's easier to hide than exposing yourself, especially when the person you're exposing is not one you're comfortable with. Embarrassment, shame, humiliation, self-loathing... that was my opinion of myself. Fueled by comments such as 'it's so nice to have a girlfriend I can scooter with, I could never do that with you.. ' 'no one will love you, not with a broken neck' and 'you're pretty... but you're body is so f**ked..'. comments that fed into my insecurities and fears, comments that eroded my self-esteem and warped my self-perception.
It's hard letting go of that perception of myself, but I am getting there. I'm re-programming a dysfunctional and damaged mind. Unfortunately there's no quick fix, no golden pill, just hard work and lots of love. Kindness to myself, self-affirmations and nurturing. Being true to myself, being honest and letting go of the fear. I'm no longer my own dirty little secret, I'm me, a survivor, a fighter, and I'm proud, proud of how far I've come and how much I've changed. I'm alive, and right now, that's a gift.
I often think about other people who feel like I used to, hating yourself, your body, changes due to trauma, abuse. So to anyone suffering, hurting, hating... you're worth more than that, you can heal but you have to start loving yourself and only you can take that step. Please, it's worth it. ❤️💙💚💛 #reflection #thinking #affirmation #love #kindness #selfesteem #camera #photography #redhair #redhead #boots #adaptive #spinalcordinjury #thetruth #notalone #designforlife #wheelchair #disabledfashion #wheelchairgirl