Here’s one my journal entry’s from a few years ago when I was in one of my darkest times. It’s very inspiring to read these (sometimes triggering) but this one in particular is very inspiring as my life and mind set has changed so much! After reading this, I’ll explain the difference because I feel as though this is important for people to see if they are struggling or if they are doubting recovery because I know I once doubted recovery and sometimes I still do but maybe this will help someone to gain a little more hope with recovery!
Nov 5, 2015
I don’t remember what it’s like to feel happy and to smile/laugh with others.
I don’t remember what it’s like to wake up in the morning excited for the day.
I don’t remember what it’s like to get excited for things because I’m so used to being let down.
I don’t remember what it’s like to feel good about myself and to not care what others think about me.
I don’t remember what it’s like to eat food and not care if it’s ‘junk food’ or not.
I don’t remember what it’s like to feel happy.
I don’t remember what it’s like not to feel like killing myself.
Dec 7, 2017
I have more happy moments than bad ones, I wake up in the morning tired for school but happy to be alive! I have goals, I have things I’m looking forward to and I go to social events and see my lovely friends ☺️ as I write this I’m eating a chocolate bar 🍫 and I don’t feel guilty (yes there are still times when it’s hard but it’s gotten better and I’m proud of that!). I eat constantly, I literally never stop eating but I’ll heathy and that’s all that matters 🙌🏻🙂👌🏻 sometimes relapse crosses my mind and in all honestly in the back of my mind I always think “why don’t you just relapse” but then I remember how much happier and better my life is now versus when I was deep in ED and MH! I don’t want my life to be lived in a hospital, I don’t want my life to be lived revolved around my illnesses, I want to live my life for ME! I no longer believe suicide is the best options and yes there are times when suicidal thoughts do cross my mind but when they do I am reminded of my support system and I know now how to keep myself safe and well! 👇continued comment