where are you from? -
I often wonder about how people would react to my death.
Would they cry?
Would they mourn?
Would they be relieved?
Would they even care?
I try to think of how people would really react
How they would feel, alone in their room
Where it’s quiet.
Where they can think.
I try to see why they wouldn’t be sad if I died
“Oh she stole my pencil in 3rd grade what a bitch”
“She got a B on that test, she’s stupid anyways.”
I think of all the ridiculous reasons,
Because I hate myself for those very reasons.
I want to die because of all those mistakes
All of those stupid things I’ve ever done.
I just want peace.
I just want to die.
I just want it to end.
But I can’t.
Knowing that someone might mourn,
and go through the same sadness that I have.
Knowing that someone could experience
the mental pain,
that can’t be stopped,
I can’t die,
knowing that I could put someone
through that kind of depression.