So, this is it. These are all the books we get to keep. 4 months of working my tail off and this is all I have to show for it. All my rewards, bonuses, etc. All gone. I'm starting from 0. I have less now than I did my first day as a consultant. And it blows.
I didn't go to bed until 4am. My soul is so tired of things being taken away. Every time I turn around there's something we have to give up. Home. Insurance. Car that actually fits our family. Kids' school. All social outings. Now this. This business was helping me keep my head above water. Now I've gotta start over and I have no idea what to do. Feeling pretty lost.
I don't like to be "negative", but I do like to show people the ugly parts of my life just as much as the good stuff. I'm human. Life isn't perfect. You should never compare your life to mine, and feel less than. Trust me. The comparison game kills. I have to just walk away from my phone when I see people building/buying homes, new vehicles, family vacations, actually being able to go to the doctor...it'll make you feel like your life is horrible. I DO know better. My life is far from horrible. It's just...difficult? Challenging? I dunno what to call it, but I do know that life could be much, much worse. The fact that I'm on social media proves things aren't incredibly bad.
I don't mean for this to come off as searching for pity (I don't want it), I just want those to read this to be able to exhale. To realize that we ALL get pissed off at life sometimes. Those gorgeous photos and happy faces you've been scrolling through as tears fill your eyes and the feeling of inadequacy fills your heart, are just a tiny snippet of that life. We never get the full story. So here's an ugly snapshot of mine. A mama who is blessed is utterly pissed off at the hand she's been dealt this week. And that's okay. Because there will come a day (hopefully soon!) that I'll be able to share some good news with you.
Hang in there my friend, super crappy days happen to all of us.