last time you cried? -
I don’t want to pretend anymore, I’m sick of feeling like this and acting like I’m so much stronger than I actually am.
I don’t want to stop writing.
I don’t wanna pretend that I’m not getting far too tired of fighting
so if I fall, please forgive me
I never meant to bring you down with me
but I can’t stand waking up, taking a shower has become one of my biggest accomplishments of each day
because even that, takes a ridiculous amount of effort
I am barely staying afloat so I can’t be a life vest anymore, I can’t hold everyone up while I’m sinking
I’m tired of people not understanding how I’m thinking
and I don’t want to feel bad for not being able to explain,
my heads not okay so pardon me if I don’t get things out right and if you continue to hear things in your own way.
I don’t wanna feel bad for being confusing
I’m fucking breaking
it’s not even anyone’s fault but I can’t handle the guilt of being the fuck up of it all.
I want to get better but I can’t do it here.
there’s too many memories and bad things that don’t just go away with time, they just fade enough to where I might not think about it but holy shit I feel something.
I feel wrong. I feel invalid.
so forgive me if I run away looking for recognition, for realization
I’m afraid I’ve lost myself, in all honesty and I can’t keep searching the same city streets
I need to go somewhere that I don’t feel so beat
I’m tired of continuing to walk on these broken, battered feet.
— c.a. “misunderstood”