Damn… No one has ever looked at me like that. There hadn’t been a single fucking person in my life who had ever stared at me with such concern and fright in their eyes but that gaze… That gaze was so sincere that it reached the depths of my spiteful shitty careless soul and made me all soft and stuff, I realized how truly frighten I was… Nobody has ever affected me like this AND IT’S FUCKING SCARY! It probably got to me the way it did, because deep down I was terrified of what was happening with my mental state… When hallucinations got out of control, when my mind was so detached from my actual body. All that time I was trying to repress my feelings, because that’s what I always do. I don’t like dealing with sadness or fright, or anything of that nature. I just DON’T. I convince myself I’m stronger than that and not a pussy.
He shook me once again but he was gentle yet firm. Asked me if I was ok, if I could hear him and I just nodded my head helplessly like a puppy and didn’t even open my eyes to look at him because they were too heavy and spacey. BTW, I was embarrassed… I have never EVER wanted him to see me likes this - so hopeless and weak. But why do I care, right? He’s not someone important or anything… Though if it wasn’t for him, I don’t know what could of happened.
All the time my head was dropped down, my eyes were shut. My body didn’t have the energy to stand still like a normal person, I was draining inside, trying to regain my focus and balance but unsuccessfully.