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Threads

Dark thoughts enter the mind like black threads weaving themselves together covering the brain. Cold is the body that must listen to the primal fear that screams deep within you.

Thoughts, emotions swirl throughout your mind, your soul. Leaving behind a residue that impossible to wipe away. But we must move on, suffering silently in a world that doesn’t care.

#panicdisorder #mentalhealthawareness
#fear #fightback #mindfulness #meditation #clearingmyhead #mentalhealth #cloudsthesoul #onedayatatime #truthlies #silentnomore

Weary Heart
A Poem for a Friend

I am all out of beautiful lines. My mind is worn as the summer lingers on. But it doesn’t stop the world from piling on the pain. As the moments drag into days. So what can I do, but close my eyes. And cry tears for a weary heart.

#poetrytoheal #compassion #unity #sympathy #understanding #solidarity #love #truthlies #poetry

That Becomes You
Other stories are linked in my Bio.

We were created at different points of the scale. Yet in our hearts we often aspire to be someone, somewhere else. So should we be held back by what’s in front of us? Or can we be whatever, whomever we want to be? I grew up on a dead end dirt street to a working class family. Watching cop shows and science fiction on TV. Still I dreamed of a world beyond what I had seen. Yet for decades as I pursued my American dream, I was slapped in the face time and time again.

It wasn’t until I stepped out of my place in life that found myself in the wilderness. Where I became the imperfect man you see before you. I was never satisfied with where I had been. I was unhappy in my relationships, I was unhappy at work. I always knew I could aspire to be better. Funny thing is, once I got there I still wasn’t satisfied. I worked for years to achieve my goals, but once the parchment touched my hand, I was still empty.

Life is not about a job or a career. Life is a series of movements. Not much different than those on a musical scale. When laid end to end they create the song that is us. It wasn’t until my near destruction that I realized my true passion. It was then that no matter my station in life, I would play on to create that dream. Never let circumstance dictate where you are going. Life is just a series of notes that when played out create the song that becomes you.

#musicoflife #whatsyourstory #placeinthisworld #writeyourownstory #motovation #dreams #life #keepmovingforward #neversettle #happiness #truthlies #try #happythoughts #mindfulness #dontmakemerepeatmyself #walkingmediation

Ebb & Flow

In the ebb and flow of my mind. Troubles come and troubles go. Leaving me waiting for the tide to come back in. So I sit on the dock as the musky smell of the marsh fills my brain. Leaving me wonder into the dark abyss of my mind.

#mentalhealthawareness #patience #giveitaname #anxiety #panicdisorder #stress #listencompassionately #loveyourself #mindfulness #meditation #acceptance #whoiam #truthinpoetry #poetrytoheal #truthlies

So Much More
From: TRUTH, Lies & Everything In-Between

I wish I could map out how my brain works. Before the formula was pretty simple. I woke up, went to work, come home, went to school, went to bed, rise, rinse and repeat. Then about 3 years ago my mind got hijacked by death and all my past ambitions got chucked out the window. My priorities, my goals, my search for truth changed. I wish I could explain it, but maybe I already have in the 1000+ stories I have written.

What was once a driven but troubled mind, gave way to the questioning of everything I held so deeply. From my purpose, to my goals, religion, philosophy, and even love. I questioned everything, and you know what I come up with… nothing, absolutely nothing. Just the fact that I was a miserable man. No great truth or spiritual experience I ever had gave me anything but a few moments of euphoria. So laying there in that hospital bed after having faced my greatest fear, I simply let it all go.

After months of recovery I see the world with totally different eyes. No more do I see a world that needs to be conquered. Instead I see a world that is in pain. Pain that we carry deep within ourselves. I could go on and on about the reasons why. But until we learn to forgive we will ever see peace.

Life is so much more than a paycheck or a house in the country. It’s about what I give back to this life. We have a responsibly to more than just ourselves. Like I said this was going to be hard to explain, but looking into this moment I see there’s more to it than just you and me. It’s about being, living compassionately, and looking beyond just our own needs. Living is so much more than receiving. Because through giving, we receive so much more.

#hereandnow #epiphany #goals #whatisreal #lettinggo #mindfulness #giving #peace #inthemoment #compassion #happiness #beyondourselves #forgiveness #lovingothers #lovingyourself #meditation #truthlies

Three views of a sunset
Instagram Exculsive

Been having to limit my walking to around the house these days. But I shot these two image today and the last one yesterday. I know I shouldn't look into the sun considering my failing eyesight. But I it's the only vice I have left.

I admire the beauty of other photographers work and I get a bit jealous. Jealous to the fact I don't have the opportunities to travel and go places like I could have before. But through their lens I do get to travel, I do get to see things I'll never get to see.

My point is, life deals us good hands and bad hands. And some of the time we just suck at playing cards. But that shouldn't stop us from enjoying life, even if it's through someone else's eyes. Appreciate the moments you have, be grateful for the things you get to experience. Because the same sun shines here just as it does everywhere else. Goodnight.

#gratitude #appreciate #lookup #mindfulness #breathe #liveyourlife #sunsets #amaturephotography #fortheloveofit #truthlies #moments

Start Being
From: TRUTH, Lies & Everything In-Between

I hate to admit it, but sometimes I wish I were someone else. It’s a hard thing to admit but haven’t we all wished that some times? I know for me it’s because I was the asthmatic fat kid in school, that was constantly being picked on. But the abuse and the bulling didn’t stop after school ended. That’s because I believed what the bullies told me. So I started self-sabotaging my own life.

I suppose our primal need to belong has a lot to do with it. I know that for me I ended up becoming the comic relief, the funny fat guy in every group dynamic. It wasn’t until my second marriage and fifteenth career change, that I realized the world was more than just about me. After the birth of our first, second, third, and fourth child; I discovered that us was way more important than me. So the self-abuse subsided. But now that the children are grown and it’s just me and my wife again. I have more time to think about that worthless blob…me.

I suppose there are two ways you can go about solving this, either you can feel sorry for yourself and spend the rest of your days feeling worthless. Or you can work the exercise those deeply held beliefs out and take life one day at a time. I decided to go with the second option. Mostly because I got a chance to look out over the edge and I discovered my life was worth saving. There is no magic mantra or trending gimmick that’s going to turn things around for you. It’s up to you to discover what feels comfortable for your situation. The important thing is to realize you are worth the effort then go and do it. Let’s stop wishing we were someone else and start being the person’s we know we can be.

#meditation #wellbeing #mindfulness
#loveyourself #positiveattitude #selfhatred #selfabuse #bullying #mentalabuse #thinkingclearly #balance #acceptance #selfworth #truthlies #dontmakemerepeatmyself #happythoughts #try

A Little Rain Must Fall
From: TRUTH, Lies & Everything In-Between

Ever have one of those mornings when you feel like you’re just coming off an all night drunk? That’s pretty much how I feel this morning. Last night was another rough one with dreams full of conflict, waking up in the middle of the night with my heart pounding and my head spinning. At the moment I’m waiting for the drugs to kick-in. Asking myself the question, “Why in hell didn’t I just stay in bed?” Well now that I’m done bitching and whining, it’s easy to see why my wife gets up so quickly and heads for the living room.

I’m sorry I wish I could be one of those positive thinking people we read so much about. But folks, I am just a human being with more faults and scars then I care to mention. I suppose the thing is, I’m trying. Lord knows that’s all any of us can ever do. Still it’s sad to see the potential within ourselves and fail, but how much worst would it be if you never even tried? I see the sad and lonely faces of people everyday that are looking for someone, anyone to blame for their misery. When in reality it’s the person staring at them in the mirror they hate the most.

And I should know, because I was (and still am) one of those people. The road of life is not paved with gold. For the most part it’s filled with potholes and gravel that you have to walk on every day. But that doesn’t mean you should give up. It simply means you move forward and appreciate every step you get to take. Far too often we listen to people that want to do nothing but to tickle our ears with promises of rainbows and sunshine. But have you ever thought, in order to make a rainbow a little rain must fall?

#motovation #mindfulness #honesty #drive #onestepatatime #failure #gettingbackup #determination #appreciate #gratitude #loveyourself #truthlies #try #dontmakemerepeatmyself #happythoughts

In Their Eyes
From: Life Beyond the Keyboard

"Through the lens of mindfulness and love I see through the eyes of our soul. Behind the beauty, I see struggle, I see pain. And I can’t help but wonder what put that hurt behind those eyes." - FDT

Recently I was looking at some images of a friend. Behind the promotional shots and images of creativity, I could not help but see the sadness in their eyes. I know I shouldn’t pry into someone else’s thoughts, but something within me cannot help but worry and sympathize about the situation.

I suppose that comes from all the dark times where the only person I could count on was myself. For so long no one knew the hell I was going through. I internalized everything to the point where it nearly killed me. That explains why I am now such an open book, which means I could never run for public office. I empathize that we are a tribal people, we developed over the millennia into a society animal. That is because our ancestors realized there is strength in numbers. To assume we can make it on our own is a myth. At some point it took a village to create the person you are today.

Our lives are but a brief moment in time. Be honest with yourself. Find a constructive outlet for the pain you feel. Rather it’s exercise, art, meditation, or just old fashion communication; find your peace. As for the people you see around you that are hurting, don’t be afraid to ask. Let them know you are concerned for their wellbeing. Don’t come to them in some judgmental, condescending way. Instead go to them with compassion and love. If enough of us would do that, what a wonderful world we could create.

#compassion #empathy #suffering #meditation #mindfulness #community #sharing #togetherness #unity #strength #struggle #nonjudgemental #love #sincerity #peaceofmind #spreadkindness #breathe #bethelight #truthlies #lifebeyondthekeyboard #try

Warm Black Water
From: TRUTH, Lies & Everything In-Between
Image By: @sandiburnsed

I’ve been a little emotional of late. Spending a lot of time reflecting on my life, my memories, and where I really want to be. All those thoughts have taken me away from where I am. Away from all this death and defeat. Away from just being. Away from the reflection staring back at me. It’s not that I want to step back in time. Instead I want to move forward and be surrounded by life. By the souls of the living and not the souls of the undone.

Beneath the veneer of pleasantries and rolling pines, I feel anger, hatred, and distrust. Of optimism lost and fear, yes fear bubbling from out of the ground. After a while you learn to ignore the stares the whispered words. But there comes a point where you simply can’t take it anymore. Maybe that’s what I’m feeling? A sense of restlessness or maybe just the taste of potential and how things could be. On the surface I know there’s not much left I can do. My potential, my talents have taken as far as they can go. But somewhere, somehow there are a few more sunrises left for me to see.

I close my eyes and reflect on that warm black water. It’s current running quickly to the sea. But have you ever looked beyond the buff, from where this trickle of water goes to meet the ocean? From a small stream stretching out from the highlands, down to the marshes where the tidal pools reign? Sadly we often only think in terms of what we see before us. Never reaching out for the potential of what we could truly be.

#potential #goals #selfhatred #lookbeyondyourself #compassion #mindfulness #meditation #believe #faith #reachingout #pushyourself #motovation #loveyourself #grow #listencompassionately #truthlies #dontmakemerepeatmyself #try #happythoughts

Wednesday the 8th of August 2018

Princess of Cups Photo by Jill111 Our feminine requires space and time to unfold. The masculine is required to protect the feminine, keep her safe, and give her time to bring her intuition to him. If your feminine is undeveloped then.... Like Cinderella you will remain unprotected. The outside forces will creep into your home and invade your space. Until you find your masculine you will remain in the cinders. You are called today to find the harmonic relationship between your masculine and feminine. The Princess of Cups is susceptible only when she is has not learned to unite with her masculine. The most sacred marriage is the one between your own masculine and feminine. #masculinefeminine #me #tarot #dailytarotinstagram #love #relationships #selfinquiry #dontlietome #thetruth #truthlies #love #romance #healingrelationships #relationships #inspiration #daretotellthetruth

Permanence
From: TRUTH, Lies & Everything In-Between

As a writer it’s always interesting to hear how others interpret your words. It’s funny how your words can say one thing to one person, and something entirely different to someone else. I never thought of words as being as interpretive as a painting. But I suppose a painter could say the same thing about something they’ve created. That they had a certain vision in mind, but others may see it differently.

Digging through the well of thoughts I carry with me. I often ask myself how I ended up here. Not that here is a bad place, but considering my roots, finding myself so deeply rooted this far away from home is unusual. But what is home really? But just a moment in time where you find yourself at peace. And at this moment that’s where I am. I seem to have never found permanence in my life. I own no land, have no permanent home, hell I could load my truck tonight and simply disappear.

I suppose the permanence I’m speaking of has more to do with my inner self. That over the years I’ve been willing to change things about myself. That one’s interpretation of me may not be the same as they remember. As human beings it is our drive to evolve and to not remain stagnant. But for many people I see and know, they have done just that, remained unchanged. If I’ve learned anything in these fifty some odd years it’s that, life isn’t stagnant. It’s ever changing, it’s growing, it’s dying, and growing again. Things can’t stay the same, we all grow in some way. So how about us all growing in love and compassion. And not deeper into the pit of distrust and hate, we all seem to find. Let us all move forward and find peace.

#peaceofmind #contentment #home #grow #change #evolve #mindfulness #wonder #learn #compassion #understanding #interpretation #truthlies #try #dontmakemerepeatmyself #happythoughts

One Part

I took the day to purge my mind. Giving gifts and making memories. To look at time as just another chore I don’t really need. The air is fine up here, the quiet rush of clouds. The brilliant blue of the sky. Reminding me I am but one part of the whole.

#poetrytoheal #poetryoninstagram #clearingmyhead #giveaway #charity #memories #faith #silence #mindful #walkingmeditation #loveoneanother #lookup #stophating #forgiveness #truthlies #dontmakemerepeatmyself #happythoughts #try

and Dream

We juggle our own little worlds, struggling at best to maintain our sanity. Yet who do we fall to when the act gets to be too much, when the kids go home and there’s no one left but you. Strength comes from the heart. The passion we process. But there are moments when even that is not enough. I dream of you in moments of pain. I dream of you in times of trouble. Where can we go but to each other. Close your eyes and dream.

#friendship #support #igotyourback #poetrytoheal #poetrybynature #freeverse #blackandwhitephotography #faith #hope #love #dancingaroundtheflame #truthlies #poetrytoheal #motog4 #photoshopexpress

The Circle
From: Life Beyond the Keyboard

I look out across the water and I’m reminded of days past. Of hot summer afternoons, sand gnats, and swimming to the sand bar. I often ask myself where have I gone from there? What have I learned? And I suppose I have learned was what giving really is and how to look beyond my own selfish needs. Also how to care about others and how to be a good friend. Because nothing just appears out of thin air. Knowledge is passed on to us from those we observe.

For me lessons were learned sitting around the kitchen table or hanging around under the mossy oak trees. Swatting sand gnats like a barefoot river rat. I was born an observer, a listener of the stories. I remember the lessons, the sermons, the confusions in the night. The emotion, the pain, and the joy. The fear, the ignorance, and the regrets.

Time is never kind, it simply moves on. Burying it’s dead and giving birth to new life. Never giving a second thought as it slowly matches on. You can’t simply bury the past, you hopefully learn what it teaches and move on. Passing on those lessons to the next generation sitting at your feet. Because the water's still there, but just a little bit different. Because time passes on the memories, so we can continue the circle that generations started before.

#lessons #passingiton #memories #youth #stories #mindfulness #joy #pain #home #whatwelearned #wisdow #folly #experience #lifebeyondthekeyboard #truthlies #try #dontmakemerepeatmyself #happythoughts

All Kinds of Broken
My books are linked in my Bio.

My amygdala was in full control last night. I woke up at 1am, 3am, and 5am; each time for no reason other then my fear center was working overtime. It’s funny how it works, I’ve suffered with Panic Disorder and GAD for 20 years. At times it’s like I’m standing outside of my body watching it go into full panic mode. In other words the logical part of my brain is saying, “Hey, it’s okay”. “There’s no danger”. And my body’s saying, “Oh hell yes there is!”

I’ve read every book there is on Panic Disorder, I’ve been put on many different medications. I’ve been in group therapy, individual therapy, I’ve been told to just pass out, you’ll be fine. I’ve sat in waiting rooms with drug addicts on redraw and chained up prisoners. Just to see an overworked, under paid caseworker, while lying to my bosses why I needed the whole day off. Because no one wants to hire a “crazy person”. I cannot remember how many times I’ve walked off jobs because I was having a panic attack. Or how many times I went to the ER to be told cynically, “Just breathe into a paper bag, you’ll be fine”.

It seems mental illness is one of our dirty little secret here in the United States. The only time mental health gets on the news is when a mass shooting happens and I get asked, “You don’t own a gun do you?” Listen I doubt anyone living with mental health issues or any other issue wants to be treated differently. We simply want to be treated with the same dignity as everyone else. But this is the real world after all, so it is what it is. Mental health issues are not any differently then physical health issues, but we’re told they are. I’m tried of being a scapegoat or feeling like I wear a scarlett letter. I just wish the rest on the world would try and understand, there’s all kinds of broken.

#shinealight #brokensysytem #mentalhealthawareness #panicdisorder #gad #scapegoat #scarlettletter #beaware #justlikeyou #ifeelbetternow #truthlies #walkamileinmyshoes

Walking Away

I shut myself off again. The world too deep to dismiss. The emotion too raw to bear. So I hide away from the chatter. Lost and alone. I pray for light, yet cling to the darkness. I feel like screaming, while silently walking away.

#poetry #reality #mentalhealth #honesty #relief #listening #mindfulness #givingitavoice #faith #depression #fear #emotions #shutoff #feelings #poetrytoheal #truthlies #anoteforsomeone

See Beyond
Books available on Amazon link in bio.

I’m laying here waiting for the medication to kick in. My head's feeling a bit dizzy and uncomfortable. Still I was thinking how we all want to be accepted. Social media has it down pat that we are all addicted to “likes”. It’s almost a little rush when I see someone taking the time to “like” a post I made. And it’s even a bigger rush when someone takes a moment to comment on my work.

Now I’m not saying this to buck the system as much as I’m saying, we all just want to be accepted. We all have moments where we simply want to be heard. Within each of is the ability or desire to create. Rather it’s a piece of art or the art of the deal, we all were born to reach beyond what we see around us. But what is creativity really? A desire to reach beyond ourselves or an outward need to express our inner most feelings?

At the moment I’m not thinking that deep. I’m simply musing about the need, the drive to create. For me it’s more of an outlet for my inner most demons. It’s also an outlet to speak my concerns about life and world beyond myself. You see I believe in order to create peace within oneself, you must also show concern and compassion for the world around you. While ego maybe the driving force in seeking “likes”, it can also be the vehicle for change. Look at the world around you and ask yourself, what can I do today to make this a better place? See beyond your own self, and begin to create positive change.

#creativity #desire #peaceofmind
#beyondourselves #createpeace #expressingmyself #mindfulness #compassion #expression #rightawrong #question #bethechange #shinealight #try #dontmakemerepeatmyself #happythoughts #truthlies

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