Today's #traumaart result.
This scares me. It makes me shivering. It takes my breath away.
Seeing this, blue on black, seeing clearly that my self image is this disordered. And somehow I can't believe it. I don't get that the blue thing is my real shape. But I know it is, as a patient just sketched around my body. I felt the pencil touching my arms, thighs and hips.
So I'm asking myself again, how is this possible. I'm not wishing for a lot, just for being able to see myself one day, how I really am.
This would make things easier, like a lot.
Somehow I feel like my writing is kinda unstructured, but I just can't get this into my head. It's messing with my mind. And it's showing me once again that I need to change something now.
That I'm not controlling anything but that I'm being controlled, that I'm not gaining any security, rather that I'm loosing it.
And though I have all that knowledge im still caught in the thought that this is the only way for being safe now, because these sentences which have been said won't go out of my head. They are burned in my mind.