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#traumaart

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I am so so, unholy
#ventart #vent #trauma #traumaart

Goals achieved✨finally painting outside in my own back yard. #painting #acrylicpainting #paintingoutside #traumaart #arttherapy

Work in progress, called 'grey matter', needs resin. #painting #acrylic #resin #bayareaartist #abstractart #traumaart

Mixed emotions (angry, sad, hopeful, grieving, desperate, bored) and mixed mediums (pastels, watercolors, acrylics and oils on canvas)

MOST RECENT

A very quick vent art I did using. I used to cope with abuse trauma during and right after it with anger, and I also already had anger issues on top of that. This was how I was scared of being seen or remembered at the time (just replace the "girl" with "boy" lol). Stella was kind of the perfect person to use for this vent piece. .
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#oc #originalcharacter #art #artistsoninstagram #drawing #digital #digitalart #creepy #creepyart #creepycuteart #creepycute #bodyhorror #bodyhorrorart #eyestrain #ventart #vent #traumaart #angerissues #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalillnessart

PTW
Today's #traumaart result.
This scares me. It makes me shivering. It takes my breath away.
Seeing this, blue on black, seeing clearly that my self image is this disordered. And somehow I can't believe it. I don't get that the blue thing is my real shape. But I know it is, as a patient just sketched around my body. I felt the pencil touching my arms, thighs and hips.
So I'm asking myself again, how is this possible. I'm not wishing for a lot, just for being able to see myself one day, how I really am.
This would make things easier, like a lot.
Somehow I feel like my writing is kinda unstructured, but I just can't get this into my head. It's messing with my mind. And it's showing me once again that I need to change something now.
That I'm not controlling anything but that I'm being controlled, that I'm not gaining any security, rather that I'm loosing it.
And though I have all that knowledge im still caught in the thought that this is the only way for being safe now, because these sentences which have been said won't go out of my head. They are burned in my mind.

Weist du manchmal werfen sich bei mir Fragen auf.
Muss ich sie zudecken, weil dir eine Decke gefehlt hat
Muss ich sie trösten weil dein Weinen niemand gehört hat
Muss ich sie verarzten weil du am verbluten warst
Muss ich sie lieben weil du dich gehasst hast
Muss ich ihre Schreie hören, weil du stumm warst
Muss ich ihre Seele heilen, weil deine gebrochen wurde
Hast du sie zum Opfer gemacht, weil du auch eines warst
Ertrinkt sie an Tränen, weil du dich ersäufst
Wurde ihre Seele gespalten, weil auch du zerschlagen wurdest
Und muss ich sie jetzt beschützen, weil dich niemand beschützt hat

Text von Stone
#traumaart

26.7.2017
Currently taking a break from #traumaart. I'm not used to painting pictures myself and being triggered by them, it's usual the children's pictures...
Had a talk with my therapist this morning, have to write down all the solutions for our current situation, dysfunctional and functional ones.
Feeling quite broken and I really want someone to take over but the people here told me that it's important that I manage this right now... the others are not ok with it but they are currently accepting it... well let's see how long they are going to listen to them...

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