change in them was rooted in witnessing a change in me. saying it wasn’t enough, they needed to see it #transformationtuesday •
When questioning my gender, one of the biggest obstacles standing in the way of me being my truest self was my family. I hadn’t even come out to them yet they were standing in my way. The many years of misconceptions and assumptions about the girl everyone thought I was felt like too much to undo.
It’s unfortunate, but the feeling of not having anything to lose can be a motivating one. There came a point when I was in enough pain, that it didn’t feel like things could get much worse. I had to tell them. I was so emotional, I knew I couldn’t bring the words to come out of my mouth. So I wrote my family a letter. Throughout the process of writing that letter, I gained clarity about what I wanted to convey and the outcome I was hoping for. Sure, it would be great to get unconditional support and understanding, but when it came down to it, I realized the most important thing was that my family not feel like an obstacle preventing me from pursuing my true self. •
The first few years after coming out as trans nonbinary were challenging. Nothing felt different. I hadn’t asked them to use my chosen name and pronoun yet, I simply told how I came to know I am nonbinary and that I would be medically aligning my body and gender identity. Did they even remember that I shared that information? Why weren’t we talking about it? Gender is a constant thing I bring up, so it’s not as if there weren’t opportunities. Maybe they didn’t know what to say. Maybe they weren't ready to talk about it. •
Reconceptualizing who you know someone to be is difficult thing. Looking back, I see that I wanted their love for me to feel different overnight. I wanted to feel that my parents/siblings loved their trans child/sibling. I didn’t want to the love to feel the same as the love when they thought I was cisgender. But for a while it did. Now, their love feels different. I feel an acknowledgment of the authentic me in each loving interaction. Perhaps the change in them was rooted in witnessing a change in me. Saying it wasn’t enough, they needed to see it