There is Something
Holy One, there is something I wanted to tell you, but there have been errands to run, bills to pay, arrangements to make, meetings to attend, friends to entertain, washing to do...& I forget what it is I wanted to say to you, & mostly I forget what I'm about or why.
O God, don't forget me, please, for the sake of Jesus Christ....
Eternal one, there is something I wanted to tell you, but my mind races with worrying & watching, with weighing & planning, with rutted slights & pothole grievances, with leaky dreams & leaky plumbing & leaky relationships that I keep trying to plug up & my attention is preoccupied with loneliness, with doubt, & with things I covet & I forget what it is I want to say to you & how to say it honestly or how to do much of anything.
O God, don't forget me, please, for the sake of Jesus Christ.... Almighty one there is something I wanted to ask you but I stumble along the edge of a nameless rage, haunted by a hundred floating fears, of war, of losing my job of failing, of getting sick & old having loved ones die, of dying &, I forget what it is the real question is I wanted to ask & I forget to listen anyway because you seem unreal & far away & I forget what it is I have forgotten.
O God, don't forget me, please, for the sake of Jesus Christ.... Oh Father in Heaven perhaps you've already heard what I wanted to tell you.
What I wanted to ask in my blundering way is don't give up on me, don't become too sad about me, but laugh with me, & try again with me, & I will with you, too.
O Father in Heaven, perhaps you've already heard what I wanted to tell you.
What I wanted to ask is, forgive me, heal me, increase my courage, please.
Renew in me a little of love & faith, & a sense of confidence, & a vision of what it might mean to live as though you were real, & I mattered, & everyone was a sister & brother.
What I wanted to ask is for peace enough, to want & work for more, for joy enough to share & for awareness that is keen enough to sense your presence here, now, there, then, always.
Amen -- Ted Loder / Guerrillas Of Grace
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