Age 23-26: I was an amazing figure model that had incredible endurance for holding complicated poses for long periods of time, but I never knew how to break into being a regular on the Columbia and SAIC roster. I enjoyed doing the Sunday morning classes for small drawing and painting workshops that were comprised of bored old ladies with zero aptitude for art. Walking around during breaks, I always got a good laugh at the stiff and primitive depictions of me as some sort of elf.
I had a gig at University of Chicago one time. I had shaved my pubic hair into a tiny patch a couple days prior, and it had broken out into a flaming mass of red bumps. I only noticed this right before I left the apartment. I freaked out, and dug up some cover-up makeup. Smearing it on my crotch, it only turned the red a shade of bright pink, and the messy application dusted my pubic hair, making the small patch look moldy. I quickly scrubbed it off, making my crotch even more red and inflamed. I think I posed on a broken tricycle for three hours that day.
That gig did lead to another modeling gig- posing for a UofC grad student for one of her paintings. She took photos. I don’t know where the photos ended up, and I was paid fucking peanuts…but I was broke and desperate. The poses were for a painting that was to be a contemporary depiction of Huckleberry Finn and Jim. I only found it years later after a lot of online searching. In the painting I get some misshapen pubic hair, a button penis, and a face that looks like that guy from the Mighty Boosh. #badpainting #themightyboosh #pastjobs