"💩...Why aren't I drawing?" Those words used to float in my head all the time back when I first decided to become a manga artist.
I thought "If this is my purpose, if I love manga and anime so much, why aren't I drawing all the damn time?!" This thought would then be followed by "freaking Eichiro Oda (a famous manga artist) works on his manga to the point where he only sleeps four hours a day! And what the hell are you doing? Going to school, jerking off for two hours after, watching anime and eating Brown Sugar Poptartz for another two hours, and then MAYBE you'll do some drawing at the end of the day IF you don't have homework!" I told myself this 💩 constantly, and it was true, and I beat myself up about it constantly until, finally, I figured I actually WASN'T that passionate about the craft. I thought that if I wasn't willing to work 19 hours a day, then it CLEARLY wasn't my passion, and clearly I need to quit. My freshman year of college seemed like as good a time as any: I stopped drawing for five years.
But that was the wrong way to handle it. Partially because it stemmed from a negative and self-deprecating place in me; and partially because I was basing my work-life balance on the desires of another goddamn human being!
My work life balance is mine. Not Eiichiro Oda's or anybody else's! I determine what is and isn't enough, and I will not feel guilty if I want to watch some One-Punch Man instead of drawing for an hour or two! But, still... what do I base my work-life balance on?? My happiness? I think so, but I like Gary Vaynerchuk's way of saying it better: "Your Actions Need to Map Your Ambition." I want to build a studio. I want billionS (with a capital "S") of people around the world to read, watch, and listen to my stories. My ambitions are grandiose clearly as 💩! So no. I DON'T play Pokemon 4 hours a day anymore. No I don't jerk off for 2 hours everyday everyday everyday! I "relax" for three hours a week, I exercise everyday and sleep only as much as MY body NEEDS; all that & I'm working on building the discipline to not waste a single SECOND scrolling through my freaking Insta feed!
So, my question: do ur actions map ur ambitions?