I actually relate to this so much it's unreal!! So for ages I've wondered if my mental health has actually improved from when I first went inpatient (over 4 years ago) because I was convinced I'm worse, but I kept telling myself that it probably just feels that way because the grass is always greener on the other side and all that bollocks but the other day I was sorting through a pile of paperwork and I found my first care plan by the adult mental health team (nearly 3 years ago) and it turns out that I'm still now with the same things I was then, but worse and I'm also struggling with things that weren't written in there! In the same pile of paperwork I also found some of my care plans that were done with I was inpatient in my first hospital (over 3-4 years ago) and they're were about individual different things, but all of the ones I read, were also things I'm still struggling with. So really my mental health has just continued getting worse, despite me staying under mental health services. So I really don't want to hear anyone tell me this won't last for ever or how it gets better ever again because that's a load of bollocks! I first remember having suicidal thoughts and feeling depressed at the age of 5 years! In nearly 16 years, it hasn't gotten better, its only gotten worse. I'm done!
Not being able to go outside because anxiety is a cunt is really pissing me off!! It makes ending this nightmare really fucking hard! I was so desperate the other day that I took all of my fucking citalopram and all it did was (‼️TMI‼️) give me the shits! Ffs! Now I don't know what to do if the mental health team ask about my meds 😩 I knew it wasn't going to work anyway, but I was so desperate that I thought fuck it, the worst that can happen is that it won't work!
#selfharrm #selfharn #suicidal #suicide #depression #depressionquotes #depressed #depressedquotes #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpd #ptsd #psychosis #hallucinations #mentalhealth #mentalillness #lostcause #hopeless #helpless #makethepaingoaway #killme #ihatemyself #iamcrazy #overdose #citalopram #stopmymind #thoughts