7.21.2017 "Honestly it wouldn't be smart for me to go, but I wanna... I feel like something or someone I need is there." I searched for any other emotion I could find other than upset. Truthfully, the conference folks were fair in their pricing & their email explaining why there was no non-profit discount.
Yet, my mind was full of treacherous scenes of the conference planners reading my email & pleas via social media, mocking me for my approach & audacity to even ask. "Black folks always want a handout!" Or "See that's the reason why black business can't flourish, black folks never want to pay full price for anything!" These were some of the things I imagined happened when they saw my appeal, but they were only my imagination. This wasn't even the sidebar commentary of that one negative friend who always attacks people when you tell them why something did not go your way. It was just me, fighting not to become that negative friend to myself.
My guess was I probably felt that way because I grew up refusing to ask for discounts, 95% because I was black, 5% because I thought it was unfair.
The economic stigmas associated with being black were so strong in my mind that most times I made decisions for no other reason than to not be the "typical" black person. I bought things I couldn't afford just to convince the seller I could afford it. I gave large tips just to showcase that I wasn't "that" type of black person looking for the hookup, the one I assumed they were expecting anytime they saw someone like me walk into their business.
Looking back, I imagine that every salesperson I tried to convince probably saw right through my act. Looking back, there is no wonder why I found myself rebuilding my personal finances & working myself out of homelessness.
Although I didn't get the discount I was hoping for, the process of making a socialmedia mockery of myself served as a means to tear down the proverbial curtains around my mind & heart, allowing the outcome to shine light on some of the dark areas I didn't realize existed.
No, I won't be attending afrotech because truth is, it's not financially wise for me. But I hope you'll support @blavity anyway you can!