I apologized to my sweetheart twenty times today because I needed to ask for his help. I sent someone an apology text for being a "bad friend" this week because I needed to cancel a date and haven't felt well enough to reschedule. I have been frustrated with myself and my body for struggling in ways that are not tidy and easy to explain. I have been at a loss for words when coworkers ask if I'm feeling better because I can't remember which kind of feeling bad I had shared with them (because I dole out the truth in fun-sized wrappers in the real world). The messy fact is that I'm having flare ups of all the things, all my wild selves are battling, and I'm just getting by right now. I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to have so many things weighing on me or hurting at the same time. But my loves, that is not how this works. We are not silos of pain. That person with a broken leg is overwhelmed with anxiety about her student loans and also is excited to eat pie and also has a UTI. A person with breast cancer dislikes their roommate and they are having a pretty good day and their cat just puked on the floor. A person living with PTSD from a break-in is really hurt over a break-up and for the first time in his life he's not broke and also his car just broke down. Though we can't always share the full scroll of diagnoses and traumas and quibbles and aches and joys with everyone we meet, it is okay for us to be messy melting pots of pain and laughter and not okay and actually doing just fine, everything considered. Our experiences don't need to come together in a narrative, and we don't need to apologize for being many things at once, some broken, some whole. This is what is true for me today, I'd love to hear if it's true for you. If it is, tag someone who should know, comment below, or send me a message if you need a listener.