Do you know how painful dumbing down and playing ugly is??? It’s self inflicted mental torture and is also the gateway to self inflicted physical torture. I can’t tell you how many years I spent in the hell hole of “dummying down.” Trying to make everyone else around me comfortable with the fact that there was something different and special about me. I wanted to be loved and liked by and friends so badly that I hid a lot of familythe qualities that made me different and special. I wasn’t able to understand the power I was blessed with. Others obviously understood and identified it better than I could and it (THE POWER) was intimidating to lots of people. I played the role of dumb and ugly because those that I wanted to like me could better accept that. It took me dimming my light so theirs could shine a little brighter and allow everyone but me, a level of comfort. I had become so good at pretending and playing the part of “dumb and ugly” that I started to believe I was just that. I had no way of even knowing what I was doing at the time but I just knew it didn’t feel right. Something was definitely off. I was completely out of alignment and never could quite fit in with anyone. I started making dumb ass decisions, surrounding myself with dumb ass people, and accepting dumb ass treatment from people who I just wanted to love me. When I think about all the years I lived like that, it saddens me so much. So much pain, so much wasted time, talent, and energy on people who I no longer talk to, or would want to know. Well...at least it felt like a waste until I woke up #staywoke. I totally get it now...it was all a part of the process to bring me to my purpose.
I never lost my connection with God in the process. He was always there reminding me that I was indeed beautiful and I was truly loved. It has taken several years to overcome DUMB & UGLY but since I have, I now understand that not only did I allow myself to be abused by others, but I had also become an abuser towards myself too. Now, that’s the worse kind of abuse. It’s extremely hard to recover from that unless you GET TO KNOW WHO YOU REALLY ARE.
I AM GODDESS