I’m up. It’s 2:14 a.m. I’ve been awake for an hour or so. I’m upset over something I wish I wasn’t upset about. But if I were one of my clients, I would tell them however you feel is how you feel. Literally the reading that I did, that I’m upset about because he hasn’t paid me and I’m not sure why, I told him, “Saying you shouldn’t feel something is going to keep the feeling coming back. You’ll experience it longer and more often the more you try to avoid it.” I know what I should do. I know how to prevent this in the future. I just don’t know if I can or want to. My heart is to open and trusting and loving to people. If I could give people all of my time without charging, I would. But that would require me going bankrupt. Which I’ve thought about. All I want to do all day is help people see their value. My value doesn’t come through money. People say, “charge your worth.” Idk what that means. My soul is infinite and abundant. There’s no dollar amount for that. It’s all very interesting. Doing this. Being this. Deciding this. Makes me wonder if I should just do what I was doing. Be who I was being. Go back. I wonder.
But I won’t. I know I’m going forward. I just have days, or nights, when living how I want to live and how I want to be feels crushing. But, at the end of the day, we’re living on a swirling planet going 1,000 mph around the sun. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we buy into this bullshit at all? All we really crave is curiosity, creation, and connectedness.