I miss my boy.
I forgot his chair was still in my van when I went to work yesterday. Cried all the way to work.
Checked his camera out of habit, the last image it recorded before it was shut off the last time popped up of him sleeping on his bed, ears hanging off the edge. Had to shut my office door.
My center staff got me a condolence card. Eyes were already puffy so why not add more tears?
I keep waking up and asking if he’s ok because I swear somehow I heard him cry next to me on his empty bed.
I wait for the inevitable bark when I put my key in the lock, letting me know he knows, that I know, that he knows, I’m home.
I keep heading for the fridge to get his cream cheese for his medicine sandwiches.
I keep reaching out to find my favorite spot, right behind his ear to pet.
Taking care of him, especially this last year was a lot. Sometimes it was overwhelming and all consuming and there were days I wondered what I was thinking, believing I could handle such a gargantuan task. But now he’s gone and I feel like some of my purpose went with him... I’m lighter because I don’t have to wake up three or four times a night for emergency diaper changes or poop accidents or kibble getting knocked on the floor... But I also don’t have to wake up to hold a paw or rub a back because he just wants to snuggle.
I want to be a resource for people who have decided to take this journey— I want to help you decide if this is the road you want to take if your beloved reaches the same struggles Hank did. I want to honor his memory, because as hard and exhausting and draining as it can be, I feel like it’s changed me for the better and I want to hold on to that somehow.
I honestly don’t know what would be of service to those in this position, so you tell me— how can I #lovelikehank and benefit you all? Help me keep him alive for me but also for all the other spotty dogs and fuzzy loves that reach such an impasse.
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