Today marks 12 months alcohol free!
( if the blurb is too long-- skip straight to the last sentence.. that's all you need ☺️) .
One thing I know for sure is that I've never had a healthy relationship with alcohol. .
Starting at 10yrs old to suppress the pain I didn't even know I had inside me, and to escape a world I should have never been exposed to, alcohol started as my greatest escape and became my darkest prison.
For me alcohol was an escape, an avoider and an incredible procrastinator.
Alcohol allowed me to sit comfortably in complacency, so I didn't have to bare the responsibility of my life.
Growing up with very little self worth and always feeling 'too much' and 'not enough' simultaneously I felt like the only time I could escape that pressure, was a night or two drowning in substance.
But the pressure always came back, along with the pain of knowing I've spent my whole life trying to become a conscious being, whilst drinking myself into unconsciousness. I was a living dichotomy. .
Over countless years of therapy, many nights crying, feeling the pain and pleasure of my feeling coming back with nothing to mask them behind, I can safely say that I finally love myself enough to not poison my body with alcohol anymore. .
Someone asked me the other day if I was proud of what I achieved going a year without drinking. I smiled and said "I'm not proud, I'm just grateful that I finally love myself enough to treat myself well."
May this be the message for anyone reading this today:
Find a way to love yourself so much that treating yourself poorly becomes a thing of the past, an unfathomable notion and a distant memory. 💌💌💌 sammy-pie. X