In both of these pictures, I have no makeup on. In both of these pictures, I've gotten a full night's rest. In both of these pictures, I've eaten enough, drank enough water, and taken my medication.
On Tuesday, I felt good. Minimal pain. Knuckles swollen some. Good amount of energy. Walking from room to room in my house without a second thought.
Wednesday I wake up with swollen knees. As I try to fall back asleep for the next 3 hours before my flight, my knuckles swell. I can't bend my fingers. My feet are swollen. My head feels like I have a hangover but I haven't had a sip of alcohol in weeks. My energy is non-existent.
It's Wednesday and I have commitments that Tuesday me assumed she didn't have to worry about. I get to the airport and go through security with weak legs and shaky hands. A security officer asks if I'm okay. I get to my gate and ask if I can switch flights because air pressure will only make the swelling worse. They tell me it will be $200. I go to another gate and find a friend working. I cry and tell her I can't get on the plane. I feel like I'm at the school nurse in 4th grade where people think I'm faking because they can't SEE how sick I FEEL. My friend waives my flight change fee and changes the flight to today.
My mom picks me back up from the airport and I can barely walk. We go straight to get a banana bag in me through an IV treatment. I get toradol and Zofran in my IV to curb the "I'm going to die" feeling. Mom drives me home. We change my flight to Saturday. The next 10 hours are some of the worst of my life, of my LIFE, in 22 years. I can't think straight. My sentences come out of my mouth but don't make sense. I can't physically pick up my arms and legs. I'm exhausted but can't sleep because of the extreme throbbing in my knees and arms and every part of me.
It's Wednesday and I take a photo in the exact same spot that I took one the day before to see if I can "see" my invisible illness. I look like a ghost of myself. I feel like one too.
But still, to some I am a liar. An over-exaggerating drama queen. "Sick when it is convenient". Still to some there is no way I can go from 90% to 20% in just one day. But I can. I did. I do.