Loneliness can be a scary thing. Especially when it seems so foreign and new to you. For me, I couldn’t understand for the longest time in recovery why I would sometimes get these intense feelings of loneliness. I’d feel anxious, empty, and alone. I finally understood that saying “you can be in a room full of people and still feel completely alone”.
Overtime I realized that until recovery, I never experienced loneliness. Why? Because my eating disorder was always with me. There was never a moment of silence and I was never alone. Now when I think back to pre-recovery, when someone would talk about loneliness I’d immediately disconnect, because I couldn’t relate in the slightest. In my head, I’d almost laugh, sadly, thinking, “oh what I’d give for a moment of silence with myself..without the eating disorder in my head, consuming my every thought”.
Little did I know, in recovery I’d finally get that silence I’d dreamt of for so long. However, like many things we fantasize about, this newfound silence wasn’t how I pictured it. This quiet mind was absolutely terrifying and the loneliness was scary.. I started to think that maybe this lonely feeling was worse than the feeling I had when I gave into my eating disorder..because then I could at least numb myself, right? Wrong. It was the eating disorder talking, trying to cloud my thoughts and judgement in an effort to suck me back in. You see, eating disorders want to grow inside if it’s victims..so strong and vicious that by the time you try to fight back, it’s seemly impossible. Loneliness is just ONE of MANY things Ed (eating disorder) will do to try lure you back in. I sometimes still experience this loneliness, but I know what to do when it comes. One of the most important thing I’ve learned in recovery is that when you fall back, you pick yourself up again, and fast- because if you don’t, Ed will gladly pick you back up for the taking.. & I personally refuse to ever be his victim again. ✨🔮
#edwarrior #yogaheals #loneliness #neda #anorexiarecovery #shoulderstand #yogabind #StripDownAsanas3 #yogini #yogischoice #yogaeveryday