This is an interesting situation. The original intent was for tracking manic "threat levels". Swinging in the opposite direction means there is no threat of mania but… how should I track depression! Hmmm… I depression usually isn't my problem but I know it is for lots of people… maybe I could have another set of colors…

Like… Dark blue -> light blue -> green -> yellow -> orange -> red…

That would actually be good for sleep too. Like… I'm sleeping "too much" right now. I think I need to scale back the medication I take for sleep. I mean… the hours are good but I wake up feeling sluggish. Or maybe I should do some push ups or something to wake me up… lol

I hate taking the medication I take for sleep. Really I just hate taking medication… 😠😡😠😡 😂😂😂 It's hard getting the right "balance" of meds because energy levels are constantly in flux. Like… the level that keeps you "normal" when you're energy is up makes you "depressed" when it's down. I've never taken anything for depression, but I've read that those meds can actually induce mania (for someone like me). In my ideal world I'd have enough work to do when my energy is up to burn it off and then work would slow down when the energy is down.

I feel like wrestling a bear. I should go to BJJ tonight… lol

#100mgseroquel #seroquel (this is what I'll cut back on tonight) #100mglamictal #lamictal #bipolar #bipolar1 #beingbipolar #wannabebearwrestler

Omg I’m so #basic but these tacos are SO GOOD 😍😍😍 I accidentally ordered SIX bc the person on the phone didn’t really speak English but then I was like o well u can never have too many tacos!!! So I had a dr appointment today, I changed meds so hopefully that’ll help. But like, I had to wait > half an hour to see her bc her patient before me was all in crisis so she took her to the ED, and like I’m so mad at myself but I’m just like low key triggered and I can feel my bpd being like YOU SHOULD HAVE TRIED TO KILL URSELF AND BE IN CRISIS LIKE THAT GIRL. I’m trying not to think like that bc last week when I mini-OD’d my doc called me at night and got all worried and I felt really bad, so I’m just trying to remember that other people have feelings and stuff too and having a pathological desire for chaos and attention like doesn’t just affect me, it messes up other people’s lives. She also literally like ran back to see me and was like heavy breathing during the beginning of my appointment so like I’m trying to keep all wise mind here and not get all ragey for no reason lollll can u see how hard it is for me 😰😰😰
Anyways, I decided I like seeing my doc every week instead of therapy bc she doesn’t try to like fix me. It’s like, confession lol I tell her all the shit I’ve been up to for the past week and then I feel better. It’s like nice bc I feel like I really get to make my own decisions and if I decide to live or be responsible, like *I* did that. There’s not like, oh I did it bc someone told me to or bc I love Erin or something so I listen to her. Like ya I’m responsible for the bad shit I do, but I also get all credit for my good decisions. It’s super empowering. 😊 Anyways, hopefully this week goes alright... I’m going home to visit my sister this weekend, I think, and then I have another dr appt on Tuesday, so that means if I get thru tomorrow, I’ll probably be safe for the week!! And hopefully the seroquel helps! Wow look at this ~rare~ enthusiasm!!

I must say, it's weird watching my mood so carefully. Shows how little control I have over it. I'm low energy today, but that won't be reflected until tomorrow… lol

#100mgseroquel #seroquel #100mglamictal #lamictal #bipolar #bipolar1 #beingbipolar

Gonna drink a glass or two of #LaClandestine absinthe and smoked my last buds... Taking a forced tolerance break because of money ): Guess the #Pokémon my pills make on my pudding ahahah
#seroquel #androcur #estradiol #absinthe

Mind altering drugs. Not the kind you are thinking of, but the kind approved by the FDA, whatever that is supposed to mean. I am experiencing the anniversary effect hard today. I miss my dad terribly. I miss his wise words and his hugs. I miss seeing his name on my caller ID. I wish so bad that he could have met my sweet mini MylesJ. I was so lucky to have the most giving, loving, family oriented, hard working man as my dad. He was the best of the best. So I’ll swallow these pills today and everyday and push forward with/for myself and my family. Myles deserves a giving, loving, family oriented, hardworking mama bear and I will spend the rest of my days making sure this happens. #mentalhealthawareness #ptsd #bipolar2 #raddadcrew #lamictal #paxil #seroquel #hydroxizine #breakthestigma #blendedphoto #spacecase #mentalhealth #nami #awareness #atlanta

Emotional stability tastes chalky and comes in a blister pack

I got to talk to my therapist yesterday about my obsessiveness. Obsessiveness is weird because it's not really inherently good or bad. It's all about how it's used. I thought it was bad on Sunday because obsessing about that video game prevented me from running. It's going to be interesting tracking obsessiveness. I think my default setting in moderate and I have to be deliberate about where I put it… lol #100mgseroquel #seroquel #100mglamictal #lamictal #bipolar1 #bipolar #beingbipolar

My bed time yesterday was 7oclock this morning. The joys of bipolar haha! Thankfully it was my day off today and @rozit94 is very understanding of my crazy :D. Glad it was my day off, not sure I couldve done 14hrs on no sleep!

Had a bad reaction to citalopram and had to abruptly stop it and havent been right since. Just gotta wait it out and know that itll come right :). #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #mental #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #bipolar #bipolardisorder #anxiety #insomnia #citalopram #seroquel #lithium #olanzapine #sleep #sleeplessnights

Seroquel (Track 4): Seroquel XR is a drug that is commonly prescribed for major depressive disorder, schizophrenia, and bi polar disorder. In lower doses mixed with antidepressants, Seroquel may be prescribed to people with severe anxiety or depression. Tremors, uncontrollable muscle movements, and emotional withdrawal are the symptoms I’ve both witnessed and experienced. Each med is different for everyone as each condition is different, but it’s still valid to talk about the effects of being on certain medications. This song is about my personal experience with it, being around people suffering while on Seroquel, and all of the people in our support systems. #seroquel #withdrawal #bpdawareness #bipolarawareness #mdd

Woah! Everything was green and blue and then I said to myself "My brother thought I should add obsessiveness. Let me do that." That changed everything! To be honest, if I had been tracking obsessiveness this past week it might be red/extreme by now!

You know… obsessiveness probably goes hand in hand with something that I pay attention to but don't track. The messiness of my areas. They're extremely disorderly right now which is out of "normal" character so I knew something is off. #obsessiveness #100mgseroquel #seroquel #100mglamictal #lamictal #bipolar #bipolar1 #beingbipolar

🙊🙈🙉 👶🏻 nous zautre on vas former une ptite équipe de rap! #rapmusique#plug#walk#workoutallday#stunefolle#help#seroquel#ellemedonnedestappessaswitch

This update is a "little" late… caught an early showing if Deadpool 2 💀 and never got around to posting the update. All is well! #100mgseroquel #seroquel #100mglamictal #lamictal #bipolar #bipolar1 #beingbipolar

Sometimes people just never understand. .Sometimes I need to be left alone. .Sometimes I have bad days. .The “fun” carrie can go away only to be replaced by a daunting shadow. .Bipolar struggles are real and difficult to treat at times. .But I’ve learned to say “fuck you this is ME!” 🦇
#bipolardisorder #BreakTheStigma 🖤

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