Omg I’m so #basic but these tacos are SO GOOD 😍😍😍 I accidentally ordered SIX bc the person on the phone didn’t really speak English but then I was like o well u can never have too many tacos!!! So I had a dr appointment today, I changed meds so hopefully that’ll help. But like, I had to wait > half an hour to see her bc her patient before me was all in crisis so she took her to the ED, and like I’m so mad at myself but I’m just like low key triggered and I can feel my bpd being like YOU SHOULD HAVE TRIED TO KILL URSELF AND BE IN CRISIS LIKE THAT GIRL. I’m trying not to think like that bc last week when I mini-OD’d my doc called me at night and got all worried and I felt really bad, so I’m just trying to remember that other people have feelings and stuff too and having a pathological desire for chaos and attention like doesn’t just affect me, it messes up other people’s lives. She also literally like ran back to see me and was like heavy breathing during the beginning of my appointment so like I’m trying to keep all wise mind here and not get all ragey for no reason lollll can u see how hard it is for me 😰😰😰
Anyways, I decided I like seeing my doc every week instead of therapy bc she doesn’t try to like fix me. It’s like, confession lol I tell her all the shit I’ve been up to for the past week and then I feel better. It’s like nice bc I feel like I really get to make my own decisions and if I decide to live or be responsible, like *I* did that. There’s not like, oh I did it bc someone told me to or bc I love Erin or something so I listen to her. Like ya I’m responsible for the bad shit I do, but I also get all credit for my good decisions. It’s super empowering. 😊 Anyways, hopefully this week goes alright... I’m going home to visit my sister this weekend, I think, and then I have another dr appt on Tuesday, so that means if I get thru tomorrow, I’ll probably be safe for the week!! And hopefully the seroquel helps! Wow look at this ~rare~ enthusiasm!!