SUPER REAL TALK WARNING
Not asking for advice. If you want to share stories, have questions, or want to discuss anything you're always welcome to contact me. These are thoughts many have but few ever really speak on. Requires strong minds, hearts. If that resonates, keep reading. •
My mind has been swimming lately. I don't even know where to begin, how to address it. I'm floating on the surface of a lake frosting over, and any movement to save myself will send me plunging into the icy depths.
But I can take lying here in the freezing waters. I don't need to save myself in this moment. I can wait until the ice hardens and I can break myself clean from it. I am patient.
It's only going to get colder. But luckily, my iron grip only tightens with the chill.
It's strangely fascinating, being caught in a trap between compassion, empathy, and nihilism. The instinctive need to mourn human life clashing with the relentless truth of "the less we are, the less damage we do". Knowing my mere presence on this earth is harmful to it, but finding my core desire to keep being untouched. An oxymoron of awareness, dissonance and tiny mental breakdowns over existence where I have to break myself out of this ruthless internal loop with, "either remove yourself then or just keep living your best life, lady". Locked between the desire to numb out in the dark and my conscience ripping into my heart to keep me from closing my eyes.
But this world and this life is still so beautiful. I have no desire to do stupid things. I have no desire to sabotage this life I'm living or any aspect of it. I don't seek injury upon others. I am proud of who I am and what I've done, my imaginations and dreams. These two parts of me clash, every day. And every day I have to remind myself that there is no right answer to the question I'm asking. I doubt an answer even exists.
Just to start touching upon what is beneath the water. 📸 by @r.quincey
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