A year ago, I stepped on stage for the first time as a Figure competitor. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss the challenge, the way I looked, and the feeling that I got in the spotlight. There’s absolutely nothing like the rush you get from chasing your dreams. Plus, abs 😍 I can’t wait to step on stage again. .
Let me be completely transparent, because someone needs to talk about it. Reality check. I get messages constantly about fitness and dieting and shows (idk why y’all are messaging me about competitions, btw, when you can go find someone with their pro-card 🙈). I’m so grateful to have people who push me to be a better athlete. But this fall, after prep, life happened. Not only was I physically exhausted, but I was mentally and emotionally pushed beyond my limit. After I got the hang of a reverse diet, I ran into “health issues” and my body fucking quit. I put that in quotations, because I’m still learning about what happened. My metabolism and my hormones crashed. While on a meal plan (that I actually stuck to 🙃), my body held on to every once of food and water I put into it. My weight shot up 30 pounds in three weeks. I had acne for first time in my life. I was lethargic, but I couldn’t sleep. I was miserable. And COMPLETELY devastated, and so embarrassed. Everything I’d spent the last few years building was gone. The person I saw in the mirror wasn’t someone I recognized. It got pretty damn dark for a while. .
For so long, I’ve been an athlete or a racer, or a fighter, or whatever the hell I wanted to be. I’ve never backed down from a challenge, and because of that, my failures outnumber my victories, and I find myself forgetting about the successes a lot. I forget where I started and what I’ve accomplished, and I tend to concentrate on where I THINK I should be. I hold myself to a stupidly high standard (#hardestworkersintheroom), because I am a perfectionist. 🤗 **Thats what happens when you spend a couple years listening to people who tell you that you’ll never be good enough.** The time I spent trying to heal myself was also time I spent forgiving myself. It’s ok to eat above maintenance. It’s ok to take rest days. (cont’d)