#latergram : I don't know if it was the fact that I was up so early that I FINISHED my run at 0625, or that I used music instead of the rosary, but today it felt like I was running confidently instead of cautiously, and it showed in the pace, because that includes slowing down to watch the moose at UAA. I was still mindful of cues from my joints but those weren't at the fore. It was amazing.
A little more than a year ago, I started running to force myself to keep waking up. I didn't want to die, per se, but I wanted to follow my baby to heaven. I felt like Samwise, begging Peter not to go where I couldn't follow. I started running because I needed to act like I cared about living so that I started caring about living again. Because "my life [was] without peace; I [had] forgotten what happiness is." But through something as simple as 20-40min alone to move and breathe and sob if I need to, I remembered that I was not dead, but vibrantly alive. I remembered how to pray where all my prayer had turned to keening. I learned that "The Lord's acts of compassion are not exhausted; his mercies are not spent; they are renewed each morning--great is [His] faithfulness." And my Jesus reminded me that, through his great love, my baby had gone to him, and that in the fullness of time I will follow him. All these things through the physical act of putting one foot in front of the other. Knock me down with a feather, running is imbued now with hope, and I am grateful.
#runicorn #couch25k #knitfit #moveitmoveit #learningtorun #bearpaw5k2017 #family5k