On this day, April of 2014, I attempted to take my own life. I had received the diagnosis of #CVID just 7 days prior, after searching for answers for 9 years. I had hit a horribly bad point. I had already fought #RCC, #RenalCellCarcinoma (aka #KidneyCancer). My husband was in his 5th year of his #VA battle for Combat related injuries including #TBI and #PTSD, and he was struggling to find work after being laid off for a work related injury. My son was having behavioral issues st school. I had pneumonia and was sent home with no help.
The list goes on.
Needless to say, that night I decided that I was done. It wasn't the first time in my life, but I think that it was the first time that I truly felt that there was absolutely no answer, no other way, no choice. I didn't think about my family, which is a guilt that I still struggle with. My only thought was that I would finally be able to rest.
I ended up in the hospital after collapsing in the driveway in the middle of the night. Pneumonia robbed me of my breath. My mom ratted me out after they admitted me.
I sought help. I needed help.
I don't profess any higher power here, as I know that we have readers from a multitude of different religions. I do know that Higher Power saved me 4 years ago. Perhaps to reach out to all of you, perhaps to do what my immunologist asks, "write, just write", or perhaps to continue to be an advocate for others. I don't know.
What I do know is that we hit this horrible low with this disease, and with any disease. I thought that I was alone. I wasn't. I didn't know it yet, but there was this enormous #zebrafamily ready and willing to be there. I didn't know that the suicide hotline really could help, and didn't automatically send police to my house (link information below)! It is okay to get low, but you MUST talk to someone about it. You can't keep it inside. Caregivers: it is OKAY to get low, but you MUST talk to someone about it!
Please use the resources below to get help:
National Suicide Prevention Hotline:
Has the ability to chat through the website
See More at: https://www.facebook.com/cvidhoofandhope